So, after a lot of thought and reflection... I think there is really a lot that I need to work on, on my end. But I am trying to figure out how, and hoping I can get some help and opinions about it.
My wife and I have a good sex life I would say. At least 3X a week, and although she wasn't into it for a while it has been getting better and she's really been working on herself to get more into it. I can see progress, and I am really happy that she's making the effort especially most recently. Apart from that, everything else in our relationship is awesome, she's really my best friend and support.
So now on to my problem -- a few months ago, she admitted that she watches porn from time to time. I admitted to her I do the same, and we actually both have been since we were teenagers (married in our mid-20's, together for over 10 years now). On the logical side of things, I have absolutely no problem with her doing it. I think it's hot, I think it's great she has a release, and I don't think negatively about it at all.
But then comes this other side of my brain... not sure where from, and I don't know the feeling exactly. Basically once she told me she watches porn, I added a few tracking things on our internet and I can tell now when she watches and what she watches. It averages from once a month to once a week, depending on her mood and the kids mood (ie. her ability to have alone time while I am at work or away on business). The stuff she watches is really just standard stuff, nothing crazy -- just beautiful people having sex. But anyway, when I know that she has watched porn that day... then that day, and for at least a couple of days after... i get a) extremely horney b) jealous, angry, depressed and obsessive.
So I am trying to figure out why I feel this way. I just start to get kind of obsessed about it all, trying to think of like how she did it, how she picked the video she picked, if it was better than sex with me, how she masturbates and a whole bunch of other useless questions.
I don't want to bring it up to her, because I don't want to stress her out (as she is embarrassed about it and prefers to keep the porn part private, though on some drunken nights we do watch some together). I do believe this is something that I have to get over and deal with and be OK with, because she deserves that... but I just keep getting these feelings.
I could stop tracking the internet activity, but then I will always be curious and wondering and probably have more questions, and I am extremely turned on seeing the stuff she watches... but maybe it's causing more harm than anything? I read a lot of posts, and I see a lot of people just being completely fine and OK with their spouse watching porn and masturbating and there is nothing to it... and while I thought I feel the same way, it seems when I find out it has happened my brain flips on me. I don't want it to be like that.
Thoughts?
My wife and I have a good sex life I would say. At least 3X a week, and although she wasn't into it for a while it has been getting better and she's really been working on herself to get more into it. I can see progress, and I am really happy that she's making the effort especially most recently. Apart from that, everything else in our relationship is awesome, she's really my best friend and support.
So now on to my problem -- a few months ago, she admitted that she watches porn from time to time. I admitted to her I do the same, and we actually both have been since we were teenagers (married in our mid-20's, together for over 10 years now). On the logical side of things, I have absolutely no problem with her doing it. I think it's hot, I think it's great she has a release, and I don't think negatively about it at all.
But then comes this other side of my brain... not sure where from, and I don't know the feeling exactly. Basically once she told me she watches porn, I added a few tracking things on our internet and I can tell now when she watches and what she watches. It averages from once a month to once a week, depending on her mood and the kids mood (ie. her ability to have alone time while I am at work or away on business). The stuff she watches is really just standard stuff, nothing crazy -- just beautiful people having sex. But anyway, when I know that she has watched porn that day... then that day, and for at least a couple of days after... i get a) extremely horney b) jealous, angry, depressed and obsessive.
So I am trying to figure out why I feel this way. I just start to get kind of obsessed about it all, trying to think of like how she did it, how she picked the video she picked, if it was better than sex with me, how she masturbates and a whole bunch of other useless questions.
I don't want to bring it up to her, because I don't want to stress her out (as she is embarrassed about it and prefers to keep the porn part private, though on some drunken nights we do watch some together). I do believe this is something that I have to get over and deal with and be OK with, because she deserves that... but I just keep getting these feelings.
I could stop tracking the internet activity, but then I will always be curious and wondering and probably have more questions, and I am extremely turned on seeing the stuff she watches... but maybe it's causing more harm than anything? I read a lot of posts, and I see a lot of people just being completely fine and OK with their spouse watching porn and masturbating and there is nothing to it... and while I thought I feel the same way, it seems when I find out it has happened my brain flips on me. I don't want it to be like that.
Thoughts?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment