I think this topic needs a new thread since an old one popped up recently. Millions of married couples go through this at some point. Let me first say I am a big guy. I have always been a big guy. Even when I graduated HS I was 5'11 245. So I was well above the so called desired weight according to the charts. I will say I was not all muscle by any means. But I was very athletic. Played football, baseball, basketball in HS. Was all state LB so I was not a lazy fat guy. After I got out of HS I grew 2.5" in 2 years and settled in around 275. Once again well over the charts definition of overweight but I was still very athletic and in good health. As I got older my metabolism started to slow. I did not eat more or become less active but I put on additional weight and topped the 300+ mark. So I say all that to show I have dealt with being "overweight" all my life. Heard the name calling in HS the entire time I was chasing down smaller RB, quicker a nd shiftier than the smaller guys on the basketball court. I know they were just trying to make themselves feel better by calling me names, especially since I was making them look bad play after play. So anyone who has not been over weight has no clue.
Now, all that may he true. But I also put in the effort before I was married to drop from 315 to 270 before I got married. Why did I do this? Well, I wanted to for me and for my soon to be wife. I wanted to attract more women. So I worked harder and watched my diet and did it. Ok, women, dont throw stones here but lets get real for a minute. There are very few women on this earth that did not work harder when they were dating than they do after they are married. 98% put more effort and time into your hair, makeup, clothes, hygiene, weight and even personality when you were dating and looking to find a "man". You wanted to attract guys so you did everything you could to look your best. Now here comes reality. Once you got that guy, MOST women stopped working as hard after marriage. You got him, no need to work so hard anymore. Now its time to relax a little and enjoy life to the fullest. Here is where the weight gain starts. Its not be use you are lazy person, i ts because your priorities have changed. So I say this next bit as a man but its how most truthful people will answer as well. We all fell in love with out significant others for many reasons but all of us had some physical attraction for them. It was not ALL personality. Thats BS and I am the biggest proponent of personality is and should be the most important attraction to our partners. But even so, we found them physically attractive. So when their body changes for ANY reason this drastically. It does not matter if its health, eating habits or just lazy, it still effects you. And the one place its going to have the most effect on you is the bedroom when the clothes come off and your are intimate. Sure you can love them as much as ever, but attraction can and IS affected by their physical changes. Its thst simple.
Many people reach the point where this change in attraction for your partner is controlling you. Sure it will have some effect. But you have to do one of two things. Find a way yourself to get over that obstacle mentally or do without sex. You may want your partner to lose weight but until they do you are the one who is letting your mind control your sex life. Be compassionate and kind, but share your feelings with them in a way that they understands your need to desire them deeply again. Let them know the extra weight is affecting you but you will work on how its effecting you just as hard as they are going to work to improve their body and health. And if you guys cant do this, you either have to live with things as they are or make changes one way or the other.
I get people saying you should love your spouse no matter what and I agree 100%. But you cant manufacture true desire, passion and lust if its not in your heart. So you have to decide whats more important. The person you love and married or your sexual needs. Good luck with that choice.
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Now, all that may he true. But I also put in the effort before I was married to drop from 315 to 270 before I got married. Why did I do this? Well, I wanted to for me and for my soon to be wife. I wanted to attract more women. So I worked harder and watched my diet and did it. Ok, women, dont throw stones here but lets get real for a minute. There are very few women on this earth that did not work harder when they were dating than they do after they are married. 98% put more effort and time into your hair, makeup, clothes, hygiene, weight and even personality when you were dating and looking to find a "man". You wanted to attract guys so you did everything you could to look your best. Now here comes reality. Once you got that guy, MOST women stopped working as hard after marriage. You got him, no need to work so hard anymore. Now its time to relax a little and enjoy life to the fullest. Here is where the weight gain starts. Its not be use you are lazy person, i ts because your priorities have changed. So I say this next bit as a man but its how most truthful people will answer as well. We all fell in love with out significant others for many reasons but all of us had some physical attraction for them. It was not ALL personality. Thats BS and I am the biggest proponent of personality is and should be the most important attraction to our partners. But even so, we found them physically attractive. So when their body changes for ANY reason this drastically. It does not matter if its health, eating habits or just lazy, it still effects you. And the one place its going to have the most effect on you is the bedroom when the clothes come off and your are intimate. Sure you can love them as much as ever, but attraction can and IS affected by their physical changes. Its thst simple.
Many people reach the point where this change in attraction for your partner is controlling you. Sure it will have some effect. But you have to do one of two things. Find a way yourself to get over that obstacle mentally or do without sex. You may want your partner to lose weight but until they do you are the one who is letting your mind control your sex life. Be compassionate and kind, but share your feelings with them in a way that they understands your need to desire them deeply again. Let them know the extra weight is affecting you but you will work on how its effecting you just as hard as they are going to work to improve their body and health. And if you guys cant do this, you either have to live with things as they are or make changes one way or the other.
I get people saying you should love your spouse no matter what and I agree 100%. But you cant manufacture true desire, passion and lust if its not in your heart. So you have to decide whats more important. The person you love and married or your sexual needs. Good luck with that choice.
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