First, I apologize for the lengthy read, the semi- questionable title, and any grammatical errors... I am really at a loss here and am looking for straight forward, no BS answers... and what to say Thanks in advance for those who stuck out my ramblings...
Five years ago, had you told me I would be faced with this problem, I would have laughed at you and said, yeah right. My sex life was one to be envied, in both quality and quantity. Now, Ill admit, I have a high sex drive, but yet fully realistic when it comes to stress, life happenings and so forth, that can affect the this aspect of a relationship,but this has really gotten the best of me, because 1) My husband and I both agreed the IMPORTANCE of these three things..1) communication, 2) sex, and 3) communication about sex. I feel that as long as you have a healthy sex life ( and yes, sex lives may vary) that all other problems are manageable. So what happens when your sex life IS your problem? THE MAIN problem, and communication has gone all but out the window? Actually, I need to rephrase that, its my lack of sex life that is the problem. A HUGE one. I am assertive but not aggressive, I have made a whole hearted effort to discuss the issue, only to be dismissed, and to ld Im just complaining to complain. I have cried about it, yelled about, argued about it, fought about it, and fought for it, only time and time again to be told not now, or Im tired, or to succeed only to fail moments later, when he is gratified and Im left hanging.... Im pissed, and am rightfully pissed, I didn't sign up for this, and I am tired of being made to feel like I am wrong, perverted, or overly demanding. So... let me rewind, and explain when I first started to notice a change... Its been almost two years since this problem started, first wasnt the quanity, but the quality. All of a sudden, with no crazy significant life happening, sex became very one sided, there was no foreplay, no touching, no nothing, it was straight to business...the fun began to disappear. Infact the only time I began seeing the side of him that I became AD****TED too, pun intended was when he was a little tispy. So I talked to him about it, I was calm, not accusatory, but was more or less like, hey, whats happening, whered the play time go? He claimed then, he didnt notice a difference, and the next time we had sex I remember I made and active effort to guide hands mouths etc... Then came the two pump jump. All of a sudden in was in and out and over before i even had my shirt off... Again, discussed it, he now claims its me, I just feel too amazing. So I change it up and try to slow it down, but now I am the one getting accused, I excited him too much etc...Then comes and what continues now is the worst, not only is it completely one sided, selfish, zero fun, but the lack of attention has additionally left our bedroom, he is so consumed with himself that I have actually bartered to pleasure him to get things done I need his help with...because I LOVE pleasing him just as much as being pleased myself, BUT still I am denied. i finally brought up the fact that even if he can't have stamina, he can still be with me, and in detail made claims how..but he is more i nterested in rolling over and going to sleep. I m at my wits end, I have asked him, is it me? I know Im not bone thin anymore, and Im not backing him into a cornor, and its not a trick. I told him, look, I know Ive gained wieght, I can make an extra effort to work harder...and to this he responds, You were too thin when we got married, and its not like your fat. So what does that mean? I tell him, Im concerned that we only have sex once a month, Im concerned when you turn me down, it concerns me that you are more interested in other activities then me? I am concerned that YOUR NOT AT ALL CONCERNED THAT RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE AN ALTERNATIVE TO YOUR HAND, and YOU ACTUALLY GIVE YOUR HANDS MORE DAMN ATTENTION...I mean that literally. He takes longer to wash his hand after goes to the bathroom... SO...any takers? What the hell is going on? I cant do this any more, and I dont want to.. Wheres the BEEF?
Five years ago, had you told me I would be faced with this problem, I would have laughed at you and said, yeah right. My sex life was one to be envied, in both quality and quantity. Now, Ill admit, I have a high sex drive, but yet fully realistic when it comes to stress, life happenings and so forth, that can affect the this aspect of a relationship,but this has really gotten the best of me, because 1) My husband and I both agreed the IMPORTANCE of these three things..1) communication, 2) sex, and 3) communication about sex. I feel that as long as you have a healthy sex life ( and yes, sex lives may vary) that all other problems are manageable. So what happens when your sex life IS your problem? THE MAIN problem, and communication has gone all but out the window? Actually, I need to rephrase that, its my lack of sex life that is the problem. A HUGE one. I am assertive but not aggressive, I have made a whole hearted effort to discuss the issue, only to be dismissed, and to ld Im just complaining to complain. I have cried about it, yelled about, argued about it, fought about it, and fought for it, only time and time again to be told not now, or Im tired, or to succeed only to fail moments later, when he is gratified and Im left hanging.... Im pissed, and am rightfully pissed, I didn't sign up for this, and I am tired of being made to feel like I am wrong, perverted, or overly demanding. So... let me rewind, and explain when I first started to notice a change... Its been almost two years since this problem started, first wasnt the quanity, but the quality. All of a sudden, with no crazy significant life happening, sex became very one sided, there was no foreplay, no touching, no nothing, it was straight to business...the fun began to disappear. Infact the only time I began seeing the side of him that I became AD****TED too, pun intended was when he was a little tispy. So I talked to him about it, I was calm, not accusatory, but was more or less like, hey, whats happening, whered the play time go? He claimed then, he didnt notice a difference, and the next time we had sex I remember I made and active effort to guide hands mouths etc... Then came the two pump jump. All of a sudden in was in and out and over before i even had my shirt off... Again, discussed it, he now claims its me, I just feel too amazing. So I change it up and try to slow it down, but now I am the one getting accused, I excited him too much etc...Then comes and what continues now is the worst, not only is it completely one sided, selfish, zero fun, but the lack of attention has additionally left our bedroom, he is so consumed with himself that I have actually bartered to pleasure him to get things done I need his help with...because I LOVE pleasing him just as much as being pleased myself, BUT still I am denied. i finally brought up the fact that even if he can't have stamina, he can still be with me, and in detail made claims how..but he is more i nterested in rolling over and going to sleep. I m at my wits end, I have asked him, is it me? I know Im not bone thin anymore, and Im not backing him into a cornor, and its not a trick. I told him, look, I know Ive gained wieght, I can make an extra effort to work harder...and to this he responds, You were too thin when we got married, and its not like your fat. So what does that mean? I tell him, Im concerned that we only have sex once a month, Im concerned when you turn me down, it concerns me that you are more interested in other activities then me? I am concerned that YOUR NOT AT ALL CONCERNED THAT RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE AN ALTERNATIVE TO YOUR HAND, and YOU ACTUALLY GIVE YOUR HANDS MORE DAMN ATTENTION...I mean that literally. He takes longer to wash his hand after goes to the bathroom... SO...any takers? What the hell is going on? I cant do this any more, and I dont want to.. Wheres the BEEF?
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