My name is Jess. I am a very independent woman and always took pride in the fact that I am this way. Before I met my husband, I never wanted to get married and never wanted kids. I am a musician. A Singer/Songwriter. This is my passion.
Me and a good friend of mine went on a trip to California almost 6 years ago and I loved it. I had plans to move there as soon as I got home back to the Boston area. I wanted to move to California to follow my dreams and pursue my music career. When I got home from this trip, my friend and I went out to a local restaurant to talk about our plans for moving to Cali. I saw in the corner of my eye a very handsome cook. It was the first or second time I went to this place after living in the town for a few years. I had been so unlucky in love and used so many times that, at the time I was celibate and not interested in hooking up. I wanted to find love at the right time but wasn't really searching for it. But for some reason he caught my eye. A couple of days went by and a different friend invited me to have a drink at this restaurant. I noticed him again...got his attention and the rest is history.
He is Brazilian. He did not speak a word of English, but our attraction was so strong for each other, we found a way to communicate to each other. He ended up taking English classes and starting speaking very well. We were inseparable. We were so in love and attracted to each other.
A few months went by and we ended up moving in with each other. This is when I noticed his jealously issues and emotional abuse towards me started. I will never forget when i went to a friends going away party (she was moving to Hawaii) and i stayed out really late. I got home and he went wild because I went to a party without him and made me feel bad for doing so. I remember lying in that bed we just bought...and thinking...this might not work out in the long run. But, I ended up marrying him and believing in our love.
Over time jealousy issues have come up quite a bit to the point where I have felt attacked and put down. I think it is a cultural thing. But either way it is not right. I will not go into too much detail but things he has said to me has really stuck with me and i feel as though its pushing me away more and more as time goes by.
He has made me feel bad for having sexual relations with men before him, he has embarrassed me in front of people, he said that I have probably slept with a book of people...even after almost divorcing last year because of the emotional abuse, he continues to do so...especially when he is drinking. The other night he accused me of sleeping with another man when we first got together. I have never cheated on anyone and i never will. It just upsets me that my own husband will bring up things to try to make me feel like **** or something. He also brings up that I don't clean and do his laundry enough. I work too, and just got through recovery for an eating disorder, and depression so no Im not cleaning constantly. Other times of course, he can be very sweet. But i just don't feel happy in this relationship anymore and I just don't know what to do. We used to have a lot of fun together, but all that has gone away.
He has been working 60+ hours a week. He is building an apartment building in Brazil with a restaurant that would be ours.We don't do much because he is saving money for his building. There is a lot of stress. He is stressed out all the time. He isn't happy much and it sucks.
I have been going over and over in my mind...do I really want to move to Brazil and follow him and his dreams? Or do I say **** it and move to LA and pursue my own dreams without him. He would not ever come with me. He is an illegal immigrant. He wont be allowed back into the country if he leaves. He has no interest to help me with my dreams by moving to LA because of his situation and his secure job. If I go to Brazil with him, I would be completely depending on him. I would have to learn the language and work for something I am not sure I even want. I get sad though, when I see little babies. I know I can have a family with him someday and maybe things could get better once he has his freedom. But what if the emotional abuse doesnt go away, and Im stuck in a country with no one but him. I love him with all of my heart and he has done alot of good things for me too. He has helped me with my music stuff around here and supported me through my fathers death and my family likes him alot. Its just a tough situation.
I am 28. If I do not pursue my dreams now I feel like I will never get them. I just dont know what choice is a mistake and what is better for me. If I move to LA and leave him I may be walking out of a great opportutnity to co-own a restaurant in Brazil and I may be walking out of having a family and learninig a new language and experiencing another country. But If I go to Brazil I might regret not ever going after my dreams and doing what I really want to do in my heart. Its just hard because he is not a bad guy even though he gets jealous sometimes. He is just working really hard for his own dream but I feel like im on the sidelines most of the time. He has a twin brother that lives with us and they both work together and are building together. I sometimes feel like its them them them and not us.
I am just at a point where I dont want to make a mistake. The plans to go to Brazil are about a year from now. I talked to my husband about my dreams and he says I should pursue them. I think he actually likes the idea of me leaving him but we still love each other so much that it is hard. I love him but I am just not happy here with him and I dont think I would be happy in Brazil if Im not happy here in my own country with all of my friends and family. I have tried to pretend that this is what I want, but I dont think that I am the housewife type.
So at 28... do I save my money and move to LA and pursue my dreams and hope that someday I can have a family?
Or do I stick with my man, accept him for who he is, and follow him to Brazil and help with with dream....
I think I already know what I want....I just am not looking forward to missing him and I am afraid that it is a mistake. what to do.....I'm so confused.
Me and a good friend of mine went on a trip to California almost 6 years ago and I loved it. I had plans to move there as soon as I got home back to the Boston area. I wanted to move to California to follow my dreams and pursue my music career. When I got home from this trip, my friend and I went out to a local restaurant to talk about our plans for moving to Cali. I saw in the corner of my eye a very handsome cook. It was the first or second time I went to this place after living in the town for a few years. I had been so unlucky in love and used so many times that, at the time I was celibate and not interested in hooking up. I wanted to find love at the right time but wasn't really searching for it. But for some reason he caught my eye. A couple of days went by and a different friend invited me to have a drink at this restaurant. I noticed him again...got his attention and the rest is history.
He is Brazilian. He did not speak a word of English, but our attraction was so strong for each other, we found a way to communicate to each other. He ended up taking English classes and starting speaking very well. We were inseparable. We were so in love and attracted to each other.
A few months went by and we ended up moving in with each other. This is when I noticed his jealously issues and emotional abuse towards me started. I will never forget when i went to a friends going away party (she was moving to Hawaii) and i stayed out really late. I got home and he went wild because I went to a party without him and made me feel bad for doing so. I remember lying in that bed we just bought...and thinking...this might not work out in the long run. But, I ended up marrying him and believing in our love.
Over time jealousy issues have come up quite a bit to the point where I have felt attacked and put down. I think it is a cultural thing. But either way it is not right. I will not go into too much detail but things he has said to me has really stuck with me and i feel as though its pushing me away more and more as time goes by.
He has made me feel bad for having sexual relations with men before him, he has embarrassed me in front of people, he said that I have probably slept with a book of people...even after almost divorcing last year because of the emotional abuse, he continues to do so...especially when he is drinking. The other night he accused me of sleeping with another man when we first got together. I have never cheated on anyone and i never will. It just upsets me that my own husband will bring up things to try to make me feel like **** or something. He also brings up that I don't clean and do his laundry enough. I work too, and just got through recovery for an eating disorder, and depression so no Im not cleaning constantly. Other times of course, he can be very sweet. But i just don't feel happy in this relationship anymore and I just don't know what to do. We used to have a lot of fun together, but all that has gone away.
He has been working 60+ hours a week. He is building an apartment building in Brazil with a restaurant that would be ours.We don't do much because he is saving money for his building. There is a lot of stress. He is stressed out all the time. He isn't happy much and it sucks.
I have been going over and over in my mind...do I really want to move to Brazil and follow him and his dreams? Or do I say **** it and move to LA and pursue my own dreams without him. He would not ever come with me. He is an illegal immigrant. He wont be allowed back into the country if he leaves. He has no interest to help me with my dreams by moving to LA because of his situation and his secure job. If I go to Brazil with him, I would be completely depending on him. I would have to learn the language and work for something I am not sure I even want. I get sad though, when I see little babies. I know I can have a family with him someday and maybe things could get better once he has his freedom. But what if the emotional abuse doesnt go away, and Im stuck in a country with no one but him. I love him with all of my heart and he has done alot of good things for me too. He has helped me with my music stuff around here and supported me through my fathers death and my family likes him alot. Its just a tough situation.
I am 28. If I do not pursue my dreams now I feel like I will never get them. I just dont know what choice is a mistake and what is better for me. If I move to LA and leave him I may be walking out of a great opportutnity to co-own a restaurant in Brazil and I may be walking out of having a family and learninig a new language and experiencing another country. But If I go to Brazil I might regret not ever going after my dreams and doing what I really want to do in my heart. Its just hard because he is not a bad guy even though he gets jealous sometimes. He is just working really hard for his own dream but I feel like im on the sidelines most of the time. He has a twin brother that lives with us and they both work together and are building together. I sometimes feel like its them them them and not us.
I am just at a point where I dont want to make a mistake. The plans to go to Brazil are about a year from now. I talked to my husband about my dreams and he says I should pursue them. I think he actually likes the idea of me leaving him but we still love each other so much that it is hard. I love him but I am just not happy here with him and I dont think I would be happy in Brazil if Im not happy here in my own country with all of my friends and family. I have tried to pretend that this is what I want, but I dont think that I am the housewife type.
So at 28... do I save my money and move to LA and pursue my dreams and hope that someday I can have a family?
Or do I stick with my man, accept him for who he is, and follow him to Brazil and help with with dream....
I think I already know what I want....I just am not looking forward to missing him and I am afraid that it is a mistake. what to do.....I'm so confused.
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