Is husband selfish or am I overreacting?

New here and I could really do with some marriage advice. Argh! I don't even know where to start. lol So my husband and I have been together for give or take 5 years, married for half of that time. Our first few years together were amazing (but then I guess they always are) and we were just as much buddies as we were boyfriend and girlfriend. A lot of things changed when he was diagnosed with bipolar and really went off the rails for a little while. But we got through that time and I've largely come to terms with the problems we've had because of the illness, also thanks to professional counselling. It is, of course, possible that some of the problems I'm experiencing now are due to the illness, but I'm just trying to gauge if this happens in relationships without the presence of a mental illness as well. To be honest, my husband was my first real relationship, so sometimes it's hard to judge for me what is normal as the relationship progresses and what really isn't, if you get what I mean. Ok, so a few things I'm struggling with and really getting to the point of being fed up... As I said before, my H and I were best buds during the first few years of being together and we spent pretty much all our time together. Probably too much time in hindsight, as it kind of moulded my expectations for the future and now the opposite is true. I feel we hardly spend any quality time together and even if we do, I have to take the initiative or 'force' him into it by having a crying fit. I really try my best not to nag, but I've run out of other options. He's gone from a guy who used to complain to me that I was spending too much time at work and 'ruining the relationship' to someone who happily spends every evening in a separate room of the house. Now, I have to say he usually does stay in at night and at weekends, unlike many other men. But he does have one of his friends round for at least an hour or so every night. You see, an additional problem is that he's a chronic cannabis smoker. For the first few years I used to smoke as well, but then I grew up and decid ed it wasn't serving me anymore. I'm also 6 and a half months pregnant now, so had to pack in cigarettes too. So because I'm not smoking anymore, he kind of needs another smoking buddy, I guess, but then a lot of weed smokers just smoke on their own. It's not necessarily a social thing, right? I've given up trying to get him to quit as it caused more problems and arguments than it was worth and am at this point hoping he will cut down once the baby's here. What I am doing is trying to put my foot down about smoking outside the house. At the moment, he sits in the kitchen a lot on his computer, smoking. He goes out maybe 50% of the time, which is already an improvement, I guess, but... ...and this is another thing that bugs me so much...why does he never do anything I ask him to do or starts doing it and then gives up after a few days? Is this normal for men? It's like whenever I ask him something...whether it's spending more time together or smoking outside the house or not having that one drink in the evening, cause he really shouldn't be drinking alcohol with the pills he's taking...it's like it spurs him on even more to keep doing it! Like telling a child not to do something and they'll want it even more. Am I the only one with this issue? I'm going to stop now, cause this has turned into quite a rant and probably already too long to read...but I guess my main points are... 1) am I right in demanding he spends more time with me or overreacting? As I don't have that much relationship experience it's hard for me to know how much quality time together is normal at our stage of marriage. I would say, on average, we maybe watch TV together for half an hour to an hour most but not every day. We do the shopping together every week and visit our place of worship nearly every Saturday morning. Once in a while I will organise a day trip or weekend away (rarely, though) for the both of us and we do both enjoy that. But there are just as many weekends and evenings when he's literally stuck in the kitchen and I'm upstairs or in the living room on the laptop and we just do our own separate thing. But what is the norm in this case? And if ours falls below the norm, what can I do about it, apart from telling him, nagging him, getting upset, ignoring the issue in the hope he will realise himself we've not really been together all evening...all things I have alre ady tried. 2) as above...why does he ignore every request I make? Is this normal for guys too, to just do what they want regardless of how it makes someone else feel? I also do all the housework (he just irons his shirts once a week and takes the bins out), run my own freelance business and guaranteed will be taking care of the baby most of the time. Yet when I ask him to do something he's always too tired. I know his pills do make him more tired than other people would be and it's not as easy for him to cope with the mentally draining job he has and being bipolar as well. But surely there is some compromise possible here and he could sacrifice half an hour on his computer playing poker for helping me out or even spending some time with me... Like I said...ARGH! ;) Advice, opinions,...? Or am I just a nagging wife who needs to get over herself? I think it would actually make me feel a lot better if I was. lol

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