Do I need to end my engagement, postpone, or neither? Please help!

Hi Everyone, I have no idea how to begin a discussion like this, so I'm just going to begin. I feel like I'm in crisis mode the last couple weeks, and my FI is picking up on it. This came about 2 weeks ago when we were talking about how a couple of my close family members have been putting so much stress on my best friend's relationship with his girl. These close family members of mine are in a bad rut, without work, and always trying to barrow money from anyone they know just to get by. (I've been labeled an enabler multiple times before)... Anyways, this is the moment when things kind've clicked in my mind and a flood of thoughts (mostly regrets) and feelings came through and I guess you could say I had an epiphany that these close family members of mine really ruined the great potential of my previous relationship of 5yrs, where I ultimately walked out on my college girlfriend whom I lived with in the same town as them right before I graduated. In that relationship I had helped them move out of their hometown to where I was going to college (to remove one of them from the area who was bad into drugs - I have no doubt in my mind it saved their life). They stayed with us for an extended period of time before finding their own place and ultimately put a ton of stress on that relationship, were never on good terms with my college girlfriend, and the drama and pressure built until it broke us apart. I couldn't see this at the time and felt like I had to do right by my family, and now I've been having MASSIVE regrets about how I handled the whole situation. I've been told stress makes people act out in ways that aren't normal, and I can see this to be true with me. I was pressured and stressed finishing my last quarter of college, and I was all too susceptible to their opinions. I also really felt like my relationship with my college gf was at a make or break point - I was starting to be asked about proposing and naturally starting to think about the topic myself. However it ended in the worst way. I'd always remained loyal in all of my relationships, but I had carried a grudge (encouraged by my family) against my college gf for a couple years over a mistake she had made and deeply regretted (carrying on a yr long online flirting escapade with a guy she had never met) - she told me once I had found out it was a huge mistake and had deep regrets, but somehow I could never find a way to forgive her when we were together. Ultimately I had made up my mind to sabotage our relationship right before I graduated. I met up with my high school gf one weekend (completely spontaneous, hadn't talked to her in yrs), and things happened. I think I did this because I saw no other way to make a clean break in such a long relationship. I immediately went home after that weekend and broke up with her permanently. I moved in with my family members for the remaining couple months of school, and a hot and heavy relationship with my hs gf began immediately, albeit long distance for the first couple months. I don't want to say I was manipulated by sex and affection overload right off the bat, but she knew exactly what she wanted, and got it. I feel like my mind was so feeble back then, and really up until recently this clarity hasn't fully shined through. But back to the story - Upon graduating I immediately moved in with my hs gf, and began looking for work in the area. Once I found a great job we moved into our own place together. Things seemed like they were going smooth and falling right into place, minus the giant "plane crash" I had recently walked away from. My relationship with my hs gf has always been active, positive for the most part, she's encouraged me to be a much healthier person (I quit smoking cigarettes as soon as we got together, and eat much healthier now). We have some interests that clash, stuff you sweep under the rug when you're in love (I love entertainment, games, movies, etc. and she is pretty much anti-TV/computer, which is hard sometimes, I don't miss TV, and I'm a pretty active person myself, enjoy the outdoors and camping etc. but just some rough edges you could say, she goes to the gym every day and I've been going a few times a week, mostly to support her), I think in general I'm a little more of a free spirit than her. Anyways, about a year into when we first met back up she starting dropping signs about marriage (not so subtle signs), like she "doesn't want to be in her 30s when she has kids and a family" type signs.. I resisted this discussion at first, but it kept coming up, and I thought about it. I suppose it just felt like the timing was right. I had graduated college and found a good job, found a great gf who I knew very well because we had dated in hs. It just seemed like the next logical step to me. I'm really not afraid of commitment (most my relationships have been about 2yrs), or marriage at this point in my life. (I had had a couple moments when I completely broke down sobbing about my ex, but these were when I was alone, and I figured it was natural after such a long relationship.) And so long story short about 3 months ago I proposed to my hs gf and my entire family (not just the ones I've mentioned) was very happy for us, so I've felt really good about it up until the last couple weeks. Our date is about a year out, but she's already got a dress and is booking the venue this week. I feel like a need to make a major decision about this in the next three weeks (due to upcoming events), whether it's to post-pone the engagement, break-off entirely and separate, or decide the engagement was right and never look back. Now that I've spilled all my guts to the internet (I need non-biased opinions like they're going out've style. I'm actually visiting a counselor for the first time today which I've been extremely anxious for) please help me decipher what to do! Now I feel the deepest regret about how my last relationship ended, and even feel like if my family hand'nt blinded me in such a way (playing me off against her and the family>gf card that I had bought when I was so young/dumb) that I would have likely proposed to my college gf. This makes me absolutely sick with regret. Its making so many strong feelings for her come back too. I feel like I've been robbed of my intuition and my gut. My mind has absolutely been torturing me the last couple weeks to the point that I get physically ill trying to wrap my head around this situation. Please help!

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