A false R but not the way you think

Have any BS started an R knowing full well they were never going to stay in the marriage only staying until kids get older or money gets better? I go through periods where I want to be here and I work hard at our relationship, but I have times that I can't even look at her without thinking of all she has done. Its at these times I think I am just here till the financials get better or the kids grow older, if those areas were different I just don't see me staying but I really don't know. Maybe it is the time of year (1st anniversary her cheating, ddays) that are causing these doubts, I know I don't want to waste my life on something that will not get any better, but do I have a choice? I think I have stayed because I want to be here with her but the decision was made for me just how it feels sometimes.

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