Hi.
I've opened a similar thread about a month ago but I felt my opening post was all over the place so I've deleted it. Second, more focused try is this one.
I've never seen or given someone an orgasm and it's something I wanted to do really bad since I've hit puberty.
I'm 35 years old, my wife is 33 and our son is 4. We are 8 years together. We do not have any major issues in our marriage other than this. Sex is frequent and she generally craves my attention and time. She is at home with our son and I'm a CTO at a medium software company. She is my fourth sexual partner overall.
At this point I believe this is the only issue we have or, to be honest, it's my issue and it is slowly eating me away. Several years into the relationship I've realized that it's not happening and that it's best to stop secretly hoping that it may happen one day so I've raised the issue. We talked about it and she admitted that she feels some kind of shame associated with the orgasms or letting go in front of me. I'm her only partner. She can reliably get an orgasm by herself any time she wants but she does it maybe few times per year. She prefers to have sex with me and she says that my penis, my fingers and my tongue are more enjoyable that her own fingers but she also said that the feeling is different and cannot explain how. Basically she told me she doesn't need orgasms, they are not worth the trouble and that I have nothing to worry about. She is perfectly happy with me.
Well, I wasn't happy. I've initiated more talks, bought books, bought toys for her. I've wanted to approach this issue constructively but all she heard is that I'm not happy, she is not good enough for me anymore, she is broken. Finally I became depressed and my self esteem crushed. She felt guilty and broken.
I've surrendered the issue. Told her that my insecurities and self esteem issues are my own and it's not her fault. I apologized for many mistakes that I've made and for hurt that I've caused and told her I'll do my best to accept the situation as it is. And I did. It took some months of working on myself and we got better. I got better considerably. She is happy again.
But, I fear I'm failing in my efforts. Last two years we didn't had any serious talk about it, just lightweight banter. She knows that the issue is still present and she has faith that it will be solved one day but doesn't want to do anything about it. I try my best not to raise the issue and just to enjoy everything else that is really great however I see the damage it did to me and it's still doing to me. I still feel like a failure. I still feel that the best thing I can do for a female orgasm is to leave the room.
Last year I did something silly. I was on fetlife and some woman (financial domme) wrote in her profile that she wanted a hitachi magic wand as a gift. I bought it for her. I didn't want anything in return. I just wanted to contribute somehow. I don't know, sounds really pathetic when I think about it now.
Any thoughts? Advice? Questions?
Thanks for reading.
I've opened a similar thread about a month ago but I felt my opening post was all over the place so I've deleted it. Second, more focused try is this one.
I've never seen or given someone an orgasm and it's something I wanted to do really bad since I've hit puberty.
I'm 35 years old, my wife is 33 and our son is 4. We are 8 years together. We do not have any major issues in our marriage other than this. Sex is frequent and she generally craves my attention and time. She is at home with our son and I'm a CTO at a medium software company. She is my fourth sexual partner overall.
At this point I believe this is the only issue we have or, to be honest, it's my issue and it is slowly eating me away. Several years into the relationship I've realized that it's not happening and that it's best to stop secretly hoping that it may happen one day so I've raised the issue. We talked about it and she admitted that she feels some kind of shame associated with the orgasms or letting go in front of me. I'm her only partner. She can reliably get an orgasm by herself any time she wants but she does it maybe few times per year. She prefers to have sex with me and she says that my penis, my fingers and my tongue are more enjoyable that her own fingers but she also said that the feeling is different and cannot explain how. Basically she told me she doesn't need orgasms, they are not worth the trouble and that I have nothing to worry about. She is perfectly happy with me.
Well, I wasn't happy. I've initiated more talks, bought books, bought toys for her. I've wanted to approach this issue constructively but all she heard is that I'm not happy, she is not good enough for me anymore, she is broken. Finally I became depressed and my self esteem crushed. She felt guilty and broken.
I've surrendered the issue. Told her that my insecurities and self esteem issues are my own and it's not her fault. I apologized for many mistakes that I've made and for hurt that I've caused and told her I'll do my best to accept the situation as it is. And I did. It took some months of working on myself and we got better. I got better considerably. She is happy again.
But, I fear I'm failing in my efforts. Last two years we didn't had any serious talk about it, just lightweight banter. She knows that the issue is still present and she has faith that it will be solved one day but doesn't want to do anything about it. I try my best not to raise the issue and just to enjoy everything else that is really great however I see the damage it did to me and it's still doing to me. I still feel like a failure. I still feel that the best thing I can do for a female orgasm is to leave the room.
Last year I did something silly. I was on fetlife and some woman (financial domme) wrote in her profile that she wanted a hitachi magic wand as a gift. I bought it for her. I didn't want anything in return. I just wanted to contribute somehow. I don't know, sounds really pathetic when I think about it now.
Any thoughts? Advice? Questions?
Thanks for reading.
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