Hi everyone,
This may turn into a novel, I hope not, but please bear with me if it does.
Recently my daughter was hospitalized for about 3 weeks and it was a stressful time. During the first week my wife and I were arguing pretty bad and I shut down emotionally and isolated myself from her family, but then I was really upset that I was isolated. I know this was my fault and I've owned up to it.
However, it all came to the point that my wife said that she was thinking of leaving me and that she wasn't "In love with me." I know this isn't anything new here on this website, but it hurts none the less. We semi made up, but she said she still felt the same for the most part.
My daughter got discharged and we came home, and things seemed to be doing well enough, but last weekend she let me know that her feelings hadn't really changed. We had a long talk and things were better, but she was still distant.
Her birthday was yesterday and I took her to Indiana to her family this weekend to celebrate (we live 5 hours away.) She informed me the day before we left that she wanted to stay for two weeks to sort out how she feels about me and our relationship and to see if to her it's even worth working on our marriage to save it.
My thoughts on this was that if I force her to stay here with me her heart isn't going to be in, so I need to give her the space she's asking for and if she decides to work things out then it will be her decision and she will actually try instead of feeling forced. My theory at least.
So we spent the weekend at her family's house and it was sort of awkward, she was distant and I felt out of place the whole weekend. Either way I drove back home today.
My thoughts on this whole situation (from plenty of reading), is don't chase her, don't text her unless she texts me first, don't call her unless it's about the kids, unless she calls me first etc. Make her realize that I'm valuable or something. (Buying divorce busting tmw to read more on this.)
So I get home and I'm working on her mother's day gift, and picture book from mixbook. I decide (I know I know the worst thing in the world to do) to check her text message history. I see that about 3 hours after I left she is talking to the guy that she had an EA with about 3 years ago, and talked to briefly again a little over a year ago when she left me for looking at porn, (which I do no longer.) Looking at her history it literally started today, and so far they've talked about 45 mins too.
So my question, besides being stupid and looking and doing this to myself. What do I do? Do I give her space and let her figure out what she wants and if I'm the one she wants? Say screw it and figure out how I'm going to be involved in my kids life without her? Confront her about it? I don't know I'm lost. I love my family with all my heart and want nothing more than to have a healthy relationship with my wife and children, but I don't know what to do anymore. Please help. Thanks
This may turn into a novel, I hope not, but please bear with me if it does.
Recently my daughter was hospitalized for about 3 weeks and it was a stressful time. During the first week my wife and I were arguing pretty bad and I shut down emotionally and isolated myself from her family, but then I was really upset that I was isolated. I know this was my fault and I've owned up to it.
However, it all came to the point that my wife said that she was thinking of leaving me and that she wasn't "In love with me." I know this isn't anything new here on this website, but it hurts none the less. We semi made up, but she said she still felt the same for the most part.
My daughter got discharged and we came home, and things seemed to be doing well enough, but last weekend she let me know that her feelings hadn't really changed. We had a long talk and things were better, but she was still distant.
Her birthday was yesterday and I took her to Indiana to her family this weekend to celebrate (we live 5 hours away.) She informed me the day before we left that she wanted to stay for two weeks to sort out how she feels about me and our relationship and to see if to her it's even worth working on our marriage to save it.
My thoughts on this was that if I force her to stay here with me her heart isn't going to be in, so I need to give her the space she's asking for and if she decides to work things out then it will be her decision and she will actually try instead of feeling forced. My theory at least.
So we spent the weekend at her family's house and it was sort of awkward, she was distant and I felt out of place the whole weekend. Either way I drove back home today.
My thoughts on this whole situation (from plenty of reading), is don't chase her, don't text her unless she texts me first, don't call her unless it's about the kids, unless she calls me first etc. Make her realize that I'm valuable or something. (Buying divorce busting tmw to read more on this.)
So I get home and I'm working on her mother's day gift, and picture book from mixbook. I decide (I know I know the worst thing in the world to do) to check her text message history. I see that about 3 hours after I left she is talking to the guy that she had an EA with about 3 years ago, and talked to briefly again a little over a year ago when she left me for looking at porn, (which I do no longer.) Looking at her history it literally started today, and so far they've talked about 45 mins too.
So my question, besides being stupid and looking and doing this to myself. What do I do? Do I give her space and let her figure out what she wants and if I'm the one she wants? Say screw it and figure out how I'm going to be involved in my kids life without her? Confront her about it? I don't know I'm lost. I love my family with all my heart and want nothing more than to have a healthy relationship with my wife and children, but I don't know what to do anymore. Please help. Thanks
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