In February, My wife said she didn't love me anymore. I begged and cried for 2 weeks. Finally she said we would give it a chance. However, from end of february to the end of May, she had basically began dating a lesbian who was in a bad relationship of 12 years herself. I have been with my wife for 19 years, and august will be our 14th anniversary. She began texting and texting this woman a lot, I supported her, wanted her to help her friend. then I started intercepting texts that said how much they loved each other. I asked her for several weeks if anything was going on, she went from--she's just a friend--to I just like her--to she makes me happy. Then I caught them and she told me she wanted a divorce and she loves this woman. I don't think that my wife is facing sexual conflict, we've discussed this many times in the past and since. Her sister is gay. She just says you love who you love. She's always had a big heart and developed strong emo tional connections with people. The fact that this is a woman does not surprise me. However, I feel cheated because during our time of reconciliation, she was having an affair. We have a 10 year old son too. Basically, I was a **** for many years. Ignored her, was selfish, made her feel self-conscious about her body and personality. I actually resented her for the last 4-5 years and one of us slept on the couch for the last year. However, when she said she didn't love me, my world changed and I have literally become a different person. It's not an act, it's an awakening from a nightmare that I had become. I never thought of leaving, and just thought we were in a rut. She just shut down over the years and never told me how she felt. So lucky her, she found someone going through the same thing. Now for the last month they text each other about 100x a day. They work with each other. They have spent many nights together with my knowledge. We decided that we would l ike to remain friends and parents. I haven't stopped her from leaving or moving forward on the divorce. I'm still in the house and watch her come and go. Sometimes she puts our son to bed then leaves and comes back in the morning. It physically killing me, constant panic attacks, hyperventilating, seeing spots. I've lost 25 lbs in a month, and I'm not that big. My plan has just been to be as supportive and compassionate to her as I can be. I have took complete ownership of this and constantly explain that she deserves to be happy. We still go out to dinner with and without our son. We do family functions. We're even keeping our vacation plans in August--mostly for our son and friends that we're going with--our friends are well aware of the situation too. I guess I'm hoping that she will see that giving up 19 years and destroying a family is not a good thing for personal happiness. That's all I keep hearing from her--I want to be happy. I just don't believe that personal happiness outweighs commitment and children. We don't fight, we get along, we laugh, we do things. Our house is not unpleasant. She just doesn't feel anything for me and is in love with someone else who she can't stop thinking of. All of her friends and most of her family just tell her they want her to be happy. I think that it is nuts to not give it a real try before checking out. How can she dissolve our marriage and be in another relationship at the same time? She says she's tried for years, but that was by herself. Now I've changed and we confronting it together, but she's already checked out. She still calls me honey, we sleep in the same bed. She touches my arm and back all the time. She doesn't hate me. Do I have a chance??
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