Hi everyone,
I have never sought advice on relationships previously, I am usually pretty good at figuring out what is going on in my life, relationships have ups and downs and I don't want whomever I might seek advice from to have a tainted view of my wife.
Let me start by saying that she means everything to me, we have a wonderful son and a good (in my opinion life). I work long weeks and my wife doesn't have to work, something she always told me she wanted to be the case.
We have been together for approximately 10 years, married for nearly half that. We live in a house which we own ourselves and although tight, money is not a real issue. We are comfortable (thank goodness).
So, here goes:
I met my wife 10 years ago, we are from very different backgrounds. I am from a stable and relatively comfortable background, not always stable (dad had an affair and moved out for a year).
My wife comes from a home where her mother was aggressive towards her father and ended up cheating on him, they divorced.
We dated for about 6 months and everything was great, moved in together and for the first few months things were still good.
Then things changed.
From memory, the first time that I remember a big arguement was probably down to too much wine. To be honest, I can't even remember what sparked it off. My abiding memory is hiding in the bathroom whilst she tried to get in with a kitchen knife....
That was an extreme example and has not happened (to that extent) since.
I am in no way perfect, let me get that out there now.
I work too hard, and at times I drink too much. I always (in my mind) have the best of intentions but I am aware that I could perhaps do more around the house and with my son. She tells me that I am a "dad in a million" but an awful husband.
She has hit me, slapped me, embarrassed me, I have once (complete disclosure here) pushed her away (onto the bed) when she became too violent. I have left the house each time she has done that, not because of her hurting me, but to ensure that I treat her like a lady and to prevent any damage to the house etc.
So onto more recent times.
She flies off the handle for reasons unknown, the most recent one was that we decided to buy some new furniture for our living room, I was making it and she decided to have a nap. Not a problem, I said head upstairs and I won't disturb you with any noise :)
Again, that was wrong, I should have stopped what I was doing and joined her, thus ensues shouting, screaming, threats of divorce, "take your **** and get out"......just because I was half way through something and wanted to get it finished at the weekend so that at 7pm when I get home (during the week) I dont have to worry about it.
The smallest little thing makes her fly off the handle, this is just a very small representation of my life, I haven't outlined more incase she see's this and recognises what I am saying...my life would then be even worse.
My close friends are telling me that she is behaving in an unaccepteable way...as are some of my family (if only they knew the full extent).
She's started to shout at our son for no reason, her temper is getting beyond a joke.
I know she'll never hurt him so thats not a concern, however I dont think that he should grow up thinking that its normal to fight and row all the time.
We haven't been intimate for goodness knows how long.
I still love her, she has visions that the grass is always greener. She doesn't have a bad life, we've been on holiday for 8 weeks this year (used all my lieu time).
I am at a loss, I love this woman, she is my life, but she's making it miserable...!
So now we are at a point where we are going to have a talk about the future, I can't help but wonder if she'd be better off without me.....but then I fear that my son will be in a house full of cigarette smoke and fist fights (if she moves back home to her mothers house)
I have never sought advice on relationships previously, I am usually pretty good at figuring out what is going on in my life, relationships have ups and downs and I don't want whomever I might seek advice from to have a tainted view of my wife.
Let me start by saying that she means everything to me, we have a wonderful son and a good (in my opinion life). I work long weeks and my wife doesn't have to work, something she always told me she wanted to be the case.
We have been together for approximately 10 years, married for nearly half that. We live in a house which we own ourselves and although tight, money is not a real issue. We are comfortable (thank goodness).
So, here goes:
I met my wife 10 years ago, we are from very different backgrounds. I am from a stable and relatively comfortable background, not always stable (dad had an affair and moved out for a year).
My wife comes from a home where her mother was aggressive towards her father and ended up cheating on him, they divorced.
We dated for about 6 months and everything was great, moved in together and for the first few months things were still good.
Then things changed.
From memory, the first time that I remember a big arguement was probably down to too much wine. To be honest, I can't even remember what sparked it off. My abiding memory is hiding in the bathroom whilst she tried to get in with a kitchen knife....
That was an extreme example and has not happened (to that extent) since.
I am in no way perfect, let me get that out there now.
I work too hard, and at times I drink too much. I always (in my mind) have the best of intentions but I am aware that I could perhaps do more around the house and with my son. She tells me that I am a "dad in a million" but an awful husband.
She has hit me, slapped me, embarrassed me, I have once (complete disclosure here) pushed her away (onto the bed) when she became too violent. I have left the house each time she has done that, not because of her hurting me, but to ensure that I treat her like a lady and to prevent any damage to the house etc.
So onto more recent times.
She flies off the handle for reasons unknown, the most recent one was that we decided to buy some new furniture for our living room, I was making it and she decided to have a nap. Not a problem, I said head upstairs and I won't disturb you with any noise :)
Again, that was wrong, I should have stopped what I was doing and joined her, thus ensues shouting, screaming, threats of divorce, "take your **** and get out"......just because I was half way through something and wanted to get it finished at the weekend so that at 7pm when I get home (during the week) I dont have to worry about it.
The smallest little thing makes her fly off the handle, this is just a very small representation of my life, I haven't outlined more incase she see's this and recognises what I am saying...my life would then be even worse.
My close friends are telling me that she is behaving in an unaccepteable way...as are some of my family (if only they knew the full extent).
She's started to shout at our son for no reason, her temper is getting beyond a joke.
I know she'll never hurt him so thats not a concern, however I dont think that he should grow up thinking that its normal to fight and row all the time.
We haven't been intimate for goodness knows how long.
I still love her, she has visions that the grass is always greener. She doesn't have a bad life, we've been on holiday for 8 weeks this year (used all my lieu time).
I am at a loss, I love this woman, she is my life, but she's making it miserable...!
So now we are at a point where we are going to have a talk about the future, I can't help but wonder if she'd be better off without me.....but then I fear that my son will be in a house full of cigarette smoke and fist fights (if she moves back home to her mothers house)
Put the internet to work for you.
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