Hi All,
First time poster here.
I'm a separated man and have been split from my ex for almost a year. We share joint custody of a 6 year old son.
Since the day we separated, my ex and I have been on amicable terms and have been focused on our son and building a successful co-parenting relationship. I believe we have handled it well.
I personally feel the boundaries I've set with the ex are reasonable. We do not rely on each other for emotional support, financial support, or other day to day comforts. We live very separate lives and have minimal contact with the exception of matters to do with our son. We are both actively involved in his schooling and social activities and generally make joint decisions that relate to his schedule, health, education etc. I would describe the relationship with my ex as very businesslike and constructive.
As part of this, we both show an active interest in his activites, specifically hockey (2 times per week), and most recently swimming, once per week. To this point we have both been in attendance whenever possible, regardless of who's time with him it was. Neither of us has restricted the other from attending, calling him on the phone most nights. From time to time my ex may invite me to attend (with our son) an event that she is involved in, which I usually decline.
My ground rules have generally been, no one on one time with the ex. None. And if attending a joint activity - arrive and leave separately.
All was working well. Enter my new relationship...
I have been with a new woman for a few months now. She is recently separated with 2 kids, and has also tried to maintain an amicable relationship with her ex.
A constant source of tension in our relationship is our disagreements over boundaries with my ex - specifically regular attendance at our child's activities. I argue that it's best for our child if both parents show an active interest in his life (I personally had a father who would often miss events - and I knew when I was a dad I wanted to be better).
She argues that my ex is using these events as a way to try to get closer, and try to get the family back together. She argues that it isn't common, and isn't appropriate for both parents to attend every single event - and sees my exes attendance as a threat to our relationship. She seems unable to separate my relationship with my son vs. that with my ex, which is a big issue for me.
Basically, I'm at a bit of a crossroads with this new relationship. My heart is telling me the new relationship is worth the effort, but my gut is telling me that my new partner's view is problematic and not what's best for my son.
Would be curious to learn what other boundaries people think are appropriate and what tips they found useful in helping they manage a successful co-parenting arrangement and the needs of their new partner.
First time poster here.
I'm a separated man and have been split from my ex for almost a year. We share joint custody of a 6 year old son.
Since the day we separated, my ex and I have been on amicable terms and have been focused on our son and building a successful co-parenting relationship. I believe we have handled it well.
I personally feel the boundaries I've set with the ex are reasonable. We do not rely on each other for emotional support, financial support, or other day to day comforts. We live very separate lives and have minimal contact with the exception of matters to do with our son. We are both actively involved in his schooling and social activities and generally make joint decisions that relate to his schedule, health, education etc. I would describe the relationship with my ex as very businesslike and constructive.
As part of this, we both show an active interest in his activites, specifically hockey (2 times per week), and most recently swimming, once per week. To this point we have both been in attendance whenever possible, regardless of who's time with him it was. Neither of us has restricted the other from attending, calling him on the phone most nights. From time to time my ex may invite me to attend (with our son) an event that she is involved in, which I usually decline.
My ground rules have generally been, no one on one time with the ex. None. And if attending a joint activity - arrive and leave separately.
All was working well. Enter my new relationship...
I have been with a new woman for a few months now. She is recently separated with 2 kids, and has also tried to maintain an amicable relationship with her ex.
A constant source of tension in our relationship is our disagreements over boundaries with my ex - specifically regular attendance at our child's activities. I argue that it's best for our child if both parents show an active interest in his life (I personally had a father who would often miss events - and I knew when I was a dad I wanted to be better).
She argues that my ex is using these events as a way to try to get closer, and try to get the family back together. She argues that it isn't common, and isn't appropriate for both parents to attend every single event - and sees my exes attendance as a threat to our relationship. She seems unable to separate my relationship with my son vs. that with my ex, which is a big issue for me.
Basically, I'm at a bit of a crossroads with this new relationship. My heart is telling me the new relationship is worth the effort, but my gut is telling me that my new partner's view is problematic and not what's best for my son.
Would be curious to learn what other boundaries people think are appropriate and what tips they found useful in helping they manage a successful co-parenting arrangement and the needs of their new partner.
Put the internet to work for you.
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