My husband left us on 3/2/15 (& moved in with his parents) He blames me for everything that went wrong with us. We've been married 13y, together 15y & we have 3 young kids (10,8 & 5). Our youngest (our only son) is special needs & we found out 3 yrs ago he has a genetic disorder that they haven't determined yet.
We had a wonderful marriage, one we both took such pride in & we had an amazing connection, best friends & passionate! The past 3 years have been not so great tho. As I mentioned we discovered our son is special needs, my husband's drinking increased significantly (he's now a recovering alcoholic 18mos sober), his breaking point with drinking came when he got a DUI & lost his license. In Sept 2014 he was in a severe car accident which he is still recovering from injuries & he was laid off in Dec 2014.
After he left I found out that my husband was having some kind of relations with another woman (he spent the night of his bday over her house) After combing the cell bill he & her texted & called all day everyday in the month of Feb. She's a former HS classmate but they never were romantic. She couldn't be more opposite of me.
I was a mess did everything wrong & was so desperate! Then I decided to see how I contributed to the problems in our marriage & started working on myself. I'm in therapy, I've lost 35lbs & been trying to get thru day to day & trying to be as strong as possible for my kids!
A few weeks ago I was contacted by another woman who claims she has had relations with my H for 3yrs. My husband says she was just a friend & she started obsessing over him but after looking at the cell bill again I see he called her 95% of the time everyday for the last year (ok I didn't check everyday, but every where I checked it was everyday). He doesn't give me any answers & just says he forgets...errr! So the current OW is still in the picture & I'm pretty sure by now it's turned physical!
I know this all sounds horrible & why would I want him back! I just have this belief that we are going to work thru this & like a Phoenix we will rise from the ashes stronger & better! My husband at his core really is a fantastic man but I believe he is lost, mentally sick or going thru PTSD, depression Midlife Crisis or addiction. I just want the chance to try but he says he's not coming home & he doesn't want to work on us but he's not seeking divorce
2 weeks ago I implemented Minimal Contact. Before that we were spending every other day together trying to show him we work & we are a family & we are getting along really great! I was sending him love emails each night (that's what we did when we were dating) but none of that was working. Last week I finally started to see some changes, he was calling & texting me up to 6x per day (I don't call, text or email him unless absolutely necessary). On Mothers Day his Mom told him I'm not going to wait forever, someone else will scoop her up & someone else will be raising his kids. She also said I know you still love her...which he says he does & he's never said to me or anyone that he's not in love with me. He replied to his Mom...I don't think she'll do that! Up to that point I don't think he ever considered that...he's not thinking long term he's just thinking right now. I can see the turmoil inside him, I can see he's struggling with the decision between us or continuing to hav e his secret thing with her! It's secret cause in absolutely no way would she be accepted by his family. They are all on the side of him working it out with me.
He hasn't confirmed OW but he hasn't denied it either, in fact this past week he said I pushed him away. This past week I told him...as long as you are choosing to end us and choosing to have a relationship with another woman I'm choosing not to give any part of myself to you, eventually I will heal and move on (but I want to try to work things out with us first, I love my family far too much to give up!)
Here's where I'm so conflicted...he says I pushed him away, I put others 1st & I didn't pay attention to him (I know typical answer & I also know that his choices are NOT my fault). It is true tho our relationship was coming after everything else & we were both at fault for that! Plus our son takes so much of me away from my H & my daughters. If I show him no attention isn't that just showing him that he was right. I don't know how to act when I'm in his presence. I also don't know whether to continue to spend time as a family or cut him off cold turkey & he can just have solo visits with the kids. If she's giving him attention & I'm not giving him any attention how does that benefit getting him to work on us? Plus shouldn't I give him a little attention then pull away? Kind of like a dance of give & take?
I just want to get the ball rolling on working on us to get my family back together again. My kids are really missing their father & he's being selfish! I need him to wake up & recommitt!
Please, please, please help!
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We had a wonderful marriage, one we both took such pride in & we had an amazing connection, best friends & passionate! The past 3 years have been not so great tho. As I mentioned we discovered our son is special needs, my husband's drinking increased significantly (he's now a recovering alcoholic 18mos sober), his breaking point with drinking came when he got a DUI & lost his license. In Sept 2014 he was in a severe car accident which he is still recovering from injuries & he was laid off in Dec 2014.
After he left I found out that my husband was having some kind of relations with another woman (he spent the night of his bday over her house) After combing the cell bill he & her texted & called all day everyday in the month of Feb. She's a former HS classmate but they never were romantic. She couldn't be more opposite of me.
I was a mess did everything wrong & was so desperate! Then I decided to see how I contributed to the problems in our marriage & started working on myself. I'm in therapy, I've lost 35lbs & been trying to get thru day to day & trying to be as strong as possible for my kids!
A few weeks ago I was contacted by another woman who claims she has had relations with my H for 3yrs. My husband says she was just a friend & she started obsessing over him but after looking at the cell bill again I see he called her 95% of the time everyday for the last year (ok I didn't check everyday, but every where I checked it was everyday). He doesn't give me any answers & just says he forgets...errr! So the current OW is still in the picture & I'm pretty sure by now it's turned physical!
I know this all sounds horrible & why would I want him back! I just have this belief that we are going to work thru this & like a Phoenix we will rise from the ashes stronger & better! My husband at his core really is a fantastic man but I believe he is lost, mentally sick or going thru PTSD, depression Midlife Crisis or addiction. I just want the chance to try but he says he's not coming home & he doesn't want to work on us but he's not seeking divorce
2 weeks ago I implemented Minimal Contact. Before that we were spending every other day together trying to show him we work & we are a family & we are getting along really great! I was sending him love emails each night (that's what we did when we were dating) but none of that was working. Last week I finally started to see some changes, he was calling & texting me up to 6x per day (I don't call, text or email him unless absolutely necessary). On Mothers Day his Mom told him I'm not going to wait forever, someone else will scoop her up & someone else will be raising his kids. She also said I know you still love her...which he says he does & he's never said to me or anyone that he's not in love with me. He replied to his Mom...I don't think she'll do that! Up to that point I don't think he ever considered that...he's not thinking long term he's just thinking right now. I can see the turmoil inside him, I can see he's struggling with the decision between us or continuing to hav e his secret thing with her! It's secret cause in absolutely no way would she be accepted by his family. They are all on the side of him working it out with me.
He hasn't confirmed OW but he hasn't denied it either, in fact this past week he said I pushed him away. This past week I told him...as long as you are choosing to end us and choosing to have a relationship with another woman I'm choosing not to give any part of myself to you, eventually I will heal and move on (but I want to try to work things out with us first, I love my family far too much to give up!)
Here's where I'm so conflicted...he says I pushed him away, I put others 1st & I didn't pay attention to him (I know typical answer & I also know that his choices are NOT my fault). It is true tho our relationship was coming after everything else & we were both at fault for that! Plus our son takes so much of me away from my H & my daughters. If I show him no attention isn't that just showing him that he was right. I don't know how to act when I'm in his presence. I also don't know whether to continue to spend time as a family or cut him off cold turkey & he can just have solo visits with the kids. If she's giving him attention & I'm not giving him any attention how does that benefit getting him to work on us? Plus shouldn't I give him a little attention then pull away? Kind of like a dance of give & take?
I just want to get the ball rolling on working on us to get my family back together again. My kids are really missing their father & he's being selfish! I need him to wake up & recommitt!
Please, please, please help!
Posted via Mobile Device
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