I have no idea how to start this so I'm just forcing myself to start typing. One thing that comes to mind is I will TRY to make this unbiased as possible and admit my own faults, and I also pray SOMEONE will read and give me some guidance. I'm sure it will skip around around or not so sorry if it's hard to follow.
I've been together with this woman for 3 years, we just got engaged a month ago....but let me go to the beginning.
I remember when I used to dream of having my own family. In high school and after I messed around alot but I always hoped I would have 3-4 kids with a woman I loved and everything would be wonderful. I got into trouble alot in my late teens and it caused a disconnect all the way until now, and I'm 28. I guess I just thought if I had my only family they could not shut me out like mine did.
I met this girl in a party atmosphere at a race track. I honestly didn't immediately think she was attractive but from what she says she was in love with me since the first night she met me. I really just kind of went with it that night to well....see if we could have some fun. She struck me as a little rude and forward, and was crying because no one would help her find her car...but she was persistent. After that night the next weekend she contacted me and we decided to go on a date...where she proceeded to get hammered and start telling me how much she loved me and that she "had a feeling" about us. She started acting really crazy when we got back to the house and I asked her to leave. She refused and I had to be really mean and curse her out just to get her to go. I called a cab for her and the cab driver and I had to TRICK her to get into the cab by having me sit in the back seat with the child safety locks on and when she got in I jumped out....20 minutes later i heard a knock at my door. It was her, with no shoes and no cab. I asked her where the cab was and she told me "I forgot my shoes so I came back for them." I called the cab driver and he told me she climbed into the front seat and jumped out of the cab through the passenger side WHILE IT WAS MOVING. No joke. Then she walked 20 minutes back to my house. I let her sleep the drink off and the next day I drove her back to her house and told her I never wanted to see her again. She was completely different, sweet and nice and begged me to give her a second chance. She hung onto my car door and would let me drive off until I agreed to another date because "that wasn't like her and shes never done anything like that before." I told her I would to get away. She persistently called me until I went on the date with her next. To my surprise, she was completely sweet. And continued to be. A relationship developed. Things were good for awhile. Her apartment lease went up and she didn't have a jo b (her aunt was paying her 1300 rent). Oh and I should mention she has a child from a prior relationship whos father is not in the picture. I let her and her son move in with me after 3 months of dating....I thought, worst that could happen is it doesn't work out....I remember telling that to people. Since then, she has infiltrated every facet of my life she can. There were some really good ups, and some really bad downs...like really bad...like called the cops downs, or her threatening to kill herself downs...many times i tried to leave but she would beg for me to come back and promise it would change and it would....for about a month or less. Around 1 1/2 years dating she turned into a perfect angel...I thought that we had a breakthrough....I thought all the things i was trying to teach her were paying off. She begged me for another child....I told her having a child was something that I have always wanted and I wanted to be married first so I'd know it would be forever.. .She persisted, and I caved again. As soon as she read the plus on the stick, i proceeded to endure the worst 9 months of my life. I could swear she was the devil. I hated her for what i felt like was tricking me into having a child. It absolutely ruined every idea I had about having a baby and by the time the baby was born, I wanted to leave and felt no attachment to the newborn child. I was not allowed to participate or make any decisions in the pregnancy. I felt like my baby girl was not even mine. I left again, but after heavy critisism from my family i went back. They made it seem like I was dooming my child to a miserable life and I should be the one that is miserable instead. The "sacrifice." Things had more ups and downs and ups and downs. She made good with my parents...better than I ever could...They have told me that she is more family than I am...That hurt. She wouldn't work, wouldn't clean (messiest person I've ever met), I didn't trust her, she lied all the tim e and admitted to doing it, so on and so on....So I left again. And this time, I said I would not come back unless certain conditions were met. She begged and begged and begged but I told her until she showed me it was different I was staying gone....My family refused to talk to me. They said since she has my child they would help her and I should have stayed and endured for my child. I felt awful and abandoned even though I'm the one that left and she was being so sweet luring me back....Offering me massages and keeping a clean house and cooking meals and not arguing....I came back again. My freinds said it was the dumbest thing I ever did but my family accepted me (somewhat) again and things seemed good. After 4 months of her being 100% great I felt like I was in love again. She was doing everything so great. Under heavy moral pressure from the family, I proposed to her. When I did it she did not react like I thought she would. She just didn't seem that excited....I feel l ike the very next day she started being rude again...and distant...now its been 2 weeks of hell again like it used to be.. I told her i feel like now that she got a ring she must think shes got it made and she can slack again....I want her to shape up but she just lies and tells me "I promise I will be better" then turns around and does the same things over and over again. This week she took the kids and herself all over doing different activities...I didn't even know about....She took the kids to her aunts and came home without them without telling me...I was excited to see them...When I confronted her about communicating her activities she told me she can do what the **** she wants and im not her dad.... Its been arguing about things like that everyday. I don't feel loved or wanted in this relationship but she just says I'm crazy....Now she wants me to move out of our $500/mo house to a 1200/mo house and wants me to pay for all of it....My family and her say since I'm a fa ther I don't have needs anymore only my kids have needs. I feel like I have nothing and I'm sorry I proposed to her but at the same time I want to make it work. I am so resentful but at the same time hopeful....I hate her but I love her...I want to leave but I want to stay...If I leave my own family will shut me out and think I'm scum and I won't be able to see my child often, and I'll have to pay child support and know they will be raised wrong....That scares me enough to stay.....I don't know how to feel...Theres so much I've left out.....Its one day good one day bad over and over again and the roller coaster makes me feel dead inside but the idea of leaving doesn't make me feel any better.....
I've been together with this woman for 3 years, we just got engaged a month ago....but let me go to the beginning.
I remember when I used to dream of having my own family. In high school and after I messed around alot but I always hoped I would have 3-4 kids with a woman I loved and everything would be wonderful. I got into trouble alot in my late teens and it caused a disconnect all the way until now, and I'm 28. I guess I just thought if I had my only family they could not shut me out like mine did.
I met this girl in a party atmosphere at a race track. I honestly didn't immediately think she was attractive but from what she says she was in love with me since the first night she met me. I really just kind of went with it that night to well....see if we could have some fun. She struck me as a little rude and forward, and was crying because no one would help her find her car...but she was persistent. After that night the next weekend she contacted me and we decided to go on a date...where she proceeded to get hammered and start telling me how much she loved me and that she "had a feeling" about us. She started acting really crazy when we got back to the house and I asked her to leave. She refused and I had to be really mean and curse her out just to get her to go. I called a cab for her and the cab driver and I had to TRICK her to get into the cab by having me sit in the back seat with the child safety locks on and when she got in I jumped out....20 minutes later i heard a knock at my door. It was her, with no shoes and no cab. I asked her where the cab was and she told me "I forgot my shoes so I came back for them." I called the cab driver and he told me she climbed into the front seat and jumped out of the cab through the passenger side WHILE IT WAS MOVING. No joke. Then she walked 20 minutes back to my house. I let her sleep the drink off and the next day I drove her back to her house and told her I never wanted to see her again. She was completely different, sweet and nice and begged me to give her a second chance. She hung onto my car door and would let me drive off until I agreed to another date because "that wasn't like her and shes never done anything like that before." I told her I would to get away. She persistently called me until I went on the date with her next. To my surprise, she was completely sweet. And continued to be. A relationship developed. Things were good for awhile. Her apartment lease went up and she didn't have a jo b (her aunt was paying her 1300 rent). Oh and I should mention she has a child from a prior relationship whos father is not in the picture. I let her and her son move in with me after 3 months of dating....I thought, worst that could happen is it doesn't work out....I remember telling that to people. Since then, she has infiltrated every facet of my life she can. There were some really good ups, and some really bad downs...like really bad...like called the cops downs, or her threatening to kill herself downs...many times i tried to leave but she would beg for me to come back and promise it would change and it would....for about a month or less. Around 1 1/2 years dating she turned into a perfect angel...I thought that we had a breakthrough....I thought all the things i was trying to teach her were paying off. She begged me for another child....I told her having a child was something that I have always wanted and I wanted to be married first so I'd know it would be forever.. .She persisted, and I caved again. As soon as she read the plus on the stick, i proceeded to endure the worst 9 months of my life. I could swear she was the devil. I hated her for what i felt like was tricking me into having a child. It absolutely ruined every idea I had about having a baby and by the time the baby was born, I wanted to leave and felt no attachment to the newborn child. I was not allowed to participate or make any decisions in the pregnancy. I felt like my baby girl was not even mine. I left again, but after heavy critisism from my family i went back. They made it seem like I was dooming my child to a miserable life and I should be the one that is miserable instead. The "sacrifice." Things had more ups and downs and ups and downs. She made good with my parents...better than I ever could...They have told me that she is more family than I am...That hurt. She wouldn't work, wouldn't clean (messiest person I've ever met), I didn't trust her, she lied all the tim e and admitted to doing it, so on and so on....So I left again. And this time, I said I would not come back unless certain conditions were met. She begged and begged and begged but I told her until she showed me it was different I was staying gone....My family refused to talk to me. They said since she has my child they would help her and I should have stayed and endured for my child. I felt awful and abandoned even though I'm the one that left and she was being so sweet luring me back....Offering me massages and keeping a clean house and cooking meals and not arguing....I came back again. My freinds said it was the dumbest thing I ever did but my family accepted me (somewhat) again and things seemed good. After 4 months of her being 100% great I felt like I was in love again. She was doing everything so great. Under heavy moral pressure from the family, I proposed to her. When I did it she did not react like I thought she would. She just didn't seem that excited....I feel l ike the very next day she started being rude again...and distant...now its been 2 weeks of hell again like it used to be.. I told her i feel like now that she got a ring she must think shes got it made and she can slack again....I want her to shape up but she just lies and tells me "I promise I will be better" then turns around and does the same things over and over again. This week she took the kids and herself all over doing different activities...I didn't even know about....She took the kids to her aunts and came home without them without telling me...I was excited to see them...When I confronted her about communicating her activities she told me she can do what the **** she wants and im not her dad.... Its been arguing about things like that everyday. I don't feel loved or wanted in this relationship but she just says I'm crazy....Now she wants me to move out of our $500/mo house to a 1200/mo house and wants me to pay for all of it....My family and her say since I'm a fa ther I don't have needs anymore only my kids have needs. I feel like I have nothing and I'm sorry I proposed to her but at the same time I want to make it work. I am so resentful but at the same time hopeful....I hate her but I love her...I want to leave but I want to stay...If I leave my own family will shut me out and think I'm scum and I won't be able to see my child often, and I'll have to pay child support and know they will be raised wrong....That scares me enough to stay.....I don't know how to feel...Theres so much I've left out.....Its one day good one day bad over and over again and the roller coaster makes me feel dead inside but the idea of leaving doesn't make me feel any better.....
Put the internet to work for you.
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