I've spent the last couple of days seeking advice online about my marriage. Most of the advice has gone along with my gut feeling and led me to the Considering Divorce forum. You can read my post in the Coping With Infidelity forum for some insight.
My Other Post's tldr: My wife and I are currently in a comfortable place. Semi-happy marriage. However, due to past EA and contact with old flames, my trust has been destroyed. It's been over a year since the last incident and things are relatively calms between us. Wife has tried to R, but after all this time I am still insecure and cannot trust her as much as I need to. I refuse to feel like someone's Plan B and worry about her hiding stuff from me now or in the future.
I am now heavily considering divorce. At this point, I think this will be more of a surprise than not to my wife. What is the best way to approach the subject after all this time. It sounds like in most cases, there is a recent incident or catalyst that lead to this type of discussion. In my case, It might seem like this is coming out of the blue to her. Any advice on how I should approach it? Things not to say or do. I don't hate her or have any negative feelings towards her at this point. I just don't think I can continue like this.
Ultimately, I want to do what's best for my kids without getting screwed. I would also like to make things as painless as possible for both my wife an myself. I don't believe we'll fight and argue about the material things. I'm sure split custody will work for us somehow and I definitely want to be a large part of my kids life. I just don't want to get screwed when it comes to dividing up assets, splitting up the value of the house, debt, child support and alimony. I have no problem doing what's fair. I know it's all based on formulas defined mostly by your state, but are there pitfall I need to be aware of. Things other people wish they had known before progressing. How to prepare for the worst and a spouse that ultimately turns Evil. Ways to safeguard yourself in case they do.
Also, are there any good resources that I should look into or things that I need to do before I file. I will obviously get a consultation with a lawyer. I have a couple of good references from friend that I obtained when I was considering divorce right after her EA and other incidents.
I have a ****-Ton of research to do, but I wanted to get a thread going where I can ask questions and get some feedback on how I should approach this...
I know it wont be easy, even under the best circumstances. I definitely appreciate any help!
My Other Post's tldr: My wife and I are currently in a comfortable place. Semi-happy marriage. However, due to past EA and contact with old flames, my trust has been destroyed. It's been over a year since the last incident and things are relatively calms between us. Wife has tried to R, but after all this time I am still insecure and cannot trust her as much as I need to. I refuse to feel like someone's Plan B and worry about her hiding stuff from me now or in the future.
I am now heavily considering divorce. At this point, I think this will be more of a surprise than not to my wife. What is the best way to approach the subject after all this time. It sounds like in most cases, there is a recent incident or catalyst that lead to this type of discussion. In my case, It might seem like this is coming out of the blue to her. Any advice on how I should approach it? Things not to say or do. I don't hate her or have any negative feelings towards her at this point. I just don't think I can continue like this.
Ultimately, I want to do what's best for my kids without getting screwed. I would also like to make things as painless as possible for both my wife an myself. I don't believe we'll fight and argue about the material things. I'm sure split custody will work for us somehow and I definitely want to be a large part of my kids life. I just don't want to get screwed when it comes to dividing up assets, splitting up the value of the house, debt, child support and alimony. I have no problem doing what's fair. I know it's all based on formulas defined mostly by your state, but are there pitfall I need to be aware of. Things other people wish they had known before progressing. How to prepare for the worst and a spouse that ultimately turns Evil. Ways to safeguard yourself in case they do.
Also, are there any good resources that I should look into or things that I need to do before I file. I will obviously get a consultation with a lawyer. I have a couple of good references from friend that I obtained when I was considering divorce right after her EA and other incidents.
I have a ****-Ton of research to do, but I wanted to get a thread going where I can ask questions and get some feedback on how I should approach this...
I know it wont be easy, even under the best circumstances. I definitely appreciate any help!
Put the internet to work for you.
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