Forgive me for venting here, but none of my friends understand, nor can I talk to them as it generally involves them. Anon as wouldn't want them to link it to me, and it's gutting.
So it is my birthday at midnight.
But every year I've grown to hate my birthday more and more. I've had rubbish birthday for the last ~10 years. Very ill on one, never do anything, worked with no-one knowing me one year, and last year I had a full day in uni, at gym and then watched benefits street alone in my room. Yay.
I've always wished that my friends would care as much as I would for theirs - presents and going to theirs, making an effort even if I'm tired, etc.
I just feel like because I'm too terrified to have a party etc (that no-one would turn up), no-one really bothers.
Yet every year, I tell myself not to bother. But then, I can't help imagining like my friends coming up with something amazing, or the guy I'm seeing to even realise how important it really is. And it sucks when I see other people having their amazing parties. One of my friends is having a party the day after my bday - yet all I want is for it to be mine and it to fail (sorry, that's horrible).
I'm just really sick of crying every week before and after my birthday every year. I even made a pretty crappy appeal to my friendship group asking if anyone wanted to hang out to do /anything/ so I didn't have to sit at home alone.
Que one response, saying two are already going to the cinema and I can join if I want. That was all.
Tl;dr - bdays always rubbish, can't stop hoping for something even marginally good, never happens
:(
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment