Reading about @frankman and @KingofIStatements comments about SAHMs going to uni, prompts me to explain my first marriage ending.
I married at 23. At the time I had a professional job, earned more than my then husband, but had never been to uni. Neither had he, he worked in a retail industry. I left at 30 to have our baby, and became a SAHM for a time. It drove me insane! For an intelligent woman, who is used to having control over her life, I think suddenly becoming a mother and staying home is a really rude shock.
At the 3 month point, I put D into one day a week care and had some time to myself, but I rapidly took on jobs, doing bookwork, ironing, anything to earn some money(self-respect, independence). By the time D was 3, I was getting tension headaches every day from the boredom and monotony of the part time and casual jobs. OK, I've learned a lot in the time since then, but the best thing I ever did was go to uni at that point.
My degree was following my previous vocation, and I was instantly employable. My marriage broke up at the start of the 3rd year of uni. I moved to part time uni and got a job. D was starting at school at the time, so childcare was easier.
Make no mistake this was very tough, but finishing that marriage was the right move. I had built up resentment over the years that I'd covered over. H was not a very involved father, and I felt like a single mother with D most of the time. We had married at an early age, and I felt I'd grown in a different direction to my H. Going to uni opened my eyes to the enjoyment of other people's company, (no affairs) and gave my brain something to do.
Being a SAHM is emotionally demanding, and involves doing most of the housework. It also often feels like its unappreciated. Kids certainly don't appreciate you, and if your H doesn't it's v tough. I needed something for me. Uni gave me that.
(I'm way too practical to do something that won't pay back though. I paid my uni debt off 18 months after I finished)
Yes I think there's a danger in a wife becoming a SAHM. It puts more pressure on the H to earn plenty, with longer hours, less time together and can very seriously bore and frustrate an intelligent woman. Having said, that I'm only speaking from my own experience.
I think there's a danger when a SAHM wants to go to uni, because it indicates that she is bored and wants something more for herself. She's quite likely feeling unappreciated, and unfulfilled. As a H you may not be able to entirely fix that, but it probably requires you to start paying a lot more attention to what your W is saying. Rightly or wrongly there is an issue lurking that could use careful handling.
My thoughts, what do others think?
I married at 23. At the time I had a professional job, earned more than my then husband, but had never been to uni. Neither had he, he worked in a retail industry. I left at 30 to have our baby, and became a SAHM for a time. It drove me insane! For an intelligent woman, who is used to having control over her life, I think suddenly becoming a mother and staying home is a really rude shock.
At the 3 month point, I put D into one day a week care and had some time to myself, but I rapidly took on jobs, doing bookwork, ironing, anything to earn some money(self-respect, independence). By the time D was 3, I was getting tension headaches every day from the boredom and monotony of the part time and casual jobs. OK, I've learned a lot in the time since then, but the best thing I ever did was go to uni at that point.
My degree was following my previous vocation, and I was instantly employable. My marriage broke up at the start of the 3rd year of uni. I moved to part time uni and got a job. D was starting at school at the time, so childcare was easier.
Make no mistake this was very tough, but finishing that marriage was the right move. I had built up resentment over the years that I'd covered over. H was not a very involved father, and I felt like a single mother with D most of the time. We had married at an early age, and I felt I'd grown in a different direction to my H. Going to uni opened my eyes to the enjoyment of other people's company, (no affairs) and gave my brain something to do.
Being a SAHM is emotionally demanding, and involves doing most of the housework. It also often feels like its unappreciated. Kids certainly don't appreciate you, and if your H doesn't it's v tough. I needed something for me. Uni gave me that.
(I'm way too practical to do something that won't pay back though. I paid my uni debt off 18 months after I finished)
Yes I think there's a danger in a wife becoming a SAHM. It puts more pressure on the H to earn plenty, with longer hours, less time together and can very seriously bore and frustrate an intelligent woman. Having said, that I'm only speaking from my own experience.
I think there's a danger when a SAHM wants to go to uni, because it indicates that she is bored and wants something more for herself. She's quite likely feeling unappreciated, and unfulfilled. As a H you may not be able to entirely fix that, but it probably requires you to start paying a lot more attention to what your W is saying. Rightly or wrongly there is an issue lurking that could use careful handling.
My thoughts, what do others think?
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