Hi,
I'm going to try keep the background short... There is a previous post that I had to figure out what was going on with my wife. I suspected infidelity of sorts, but it turned out once my wife started seeing a psychiatrist, my wife suffers from an in balance and (I'm seeing the doc as well) possible bipolar or
PO with narcissistic traits. Unfortunately once she goes on her meds, she seems to think her normalizing is wrong, and then stops with the meds. I can pick this up quickly after she stops.
How I got her to see the doc: I spoke to her old man (her parents, the type that sit in the front row of church kind of people) to ask for help and they gave forth trustingly that they support my cause... I asked him to speak to his daughter as he would be able to get through to her to see a doc. He was rather adamant as he done this before (I think his wife) to talk to my brother and sister as they are doctors and to force my wife to see the doc. I asked him many times as plan A to talk to her and if that would fail, I would force her to the hospital. So it ended the force her to hospital, as I asked him minutes before I picked her up from work for the last time to rather talk to her- He said force her to the hospital!
So I dropped the kids at my brother and told her I'm taking her to hospital to get her help (no turning back) she protested and started to call her old man. He talks loudly and I could hear the other side of the conversation from him. My words to her was "call him, he wants you to get help to and he knows this is happening" Over the phone I heard him denying that he knew, and she should get out the car at the first stop street and go to the police. Just like that- he became the most sly, backstabbing thing ever. Alas my wife did not get out and somewhere deep inside made her say, ok take me to the hospital. So she went and started getting help.
Alot of things happened till now, but things are bit better. I'm still a married bachelor and no more mr nice guy, but every now and then she kooks up in her head that I always do something with "bad" evil motive. She blames me for "kidnapping" her - when she utmost enjoys going to the doc (verbally admits it is the best thing she does ever) by me getting her help. She still looses it with me and the kids and can be very cruel especially if she stops her meds. She does not seem to have any compassion or empathy, and if there are, it is either her family aunts or cousins. I do not always trust her motives, as it seems difficult to distinguish what seems real or not (probably how she sees me). Things are often still black and then white way of thinking.
Mother in Law: When things started getting better, with or without meds, things soon fall back to non trust and reminders of that night at the hospital. She went as far to say that her family never would Kidnap her and this is where, as I know she does know the truth but in her sickness and hold of her family she does not admit it, I said it straight that she blames me solely for this and I told her straight she knew her dad and mom was very much and even more behind the way it had to go down. And she distrust and blames the one that is honest about it. She went rockers and did the I must FOff thing. Went to bed, ignored me the next morning and low and behold, as I know her game or mind sickness, she phones me at work all happy and chirpy about future renovations and plans at home. Black and White. BTW the why dont I just FOff out her life is what her mother says to her about me every now and then.
Ok MIL: As I see when she get irate with me and the kids and life, she always seems constantly on her phone messaging. Soon after things will get worse, as if she gets some cooked up idea or cook up that I have evil motives for helping her with something or when playing and loving my kids it is done with negative motive and she tells me, her mom and dad (he is so pissed off that he had to give up his time to spend time with the kids) I get pissed of in reality not to spend time and play with my kids. I also does not see my kids ever as a burden when I want to do something, or when they "cling" and want full time attention. So I know these conversations are there because I snooped on her phone when I had to use hers. I saw a very ridiculous message regarding me organizing a new car for my wife, and had it delivered safely at my work, so that I can fetch my wife to drive her new car home. Her mom told her with a icon like this:mad: in the message, a car sales garage does not d eliver (which they do, just not out of town where we live on a farm miles away), I purposely organised it so that I can keep the car for the day with me. It sounds stupid, and stupid it is, but my wife really wanted to drive it first and that she did in reality. no distrust motive from my side. so I scrolled up and saw alot of the same discrediting lies and made up nonsense about me by her mom and herself. Referring to me as an A-hole while I'm enjoying a barbecue with love making food for my wife and kids on holiday. Somehow it went from white to black in her mind and I was evilly preparing food... Her mom also calling me A-hole said Make sure he has a few beers first then push him over the balcony... It is sarcastically said in context just in case someone was wondering, but very worrisome. There were other messages further up that I should Foff from my wife. I don't know what real family is that why I stay (I'm from a loving and supportive family that never ever bad mo uth other friends, foes and family). And more how I do not care about her and the kids and so forth. Very sly manipulative messages. My wife ain't no angel either.
When they visit us they bad mouth their daughter in law how she is wrong in disciplining her children ( she is a junior school teacher) she is manipulating their son-her husband- and even blamed her for them moving to the other side of the country to get away from them in a evil way. And lots more and more nonsense about her and her family... They call her family their good friends since when she was small. They do not know my family at all well, but think they have the know how and authority to say behind their and my back how bad they are as a family. Lies always find their way to the victims which it had.
My wife and I are working on our marriage, but I cannot think this cult like situation with her parents, the evil harm they are doing is going to just go away so that we can sort our own family out.
Does anybody have advice on to deal with them and also to keep myself from becoming like them towards them... I Have my faults, but do not think myself, my wife and kids deserve the harm it causes. I have a chance to mend the broken between myself and my wife (counseling and preparedness from my wife side to go to counseling), but the negative from her family is a block in the road. BTW my wife is gripped cult like with her family, and does not get it at all that a marriage is "important" or a new life of a new family. she does not understand the sacred concept.
Thank you in advanced
I'm going to try keep the background short... There is a previous post that I had to figure out what was going on with my wife. I suspected infidelity of sorts, but it turned out once my wife started seeing a psychiatrist, my wife suffers from an in balance and (I'm seeing the doc as well) possible bipolar or
PO with narcissistic traits. Unfortunately once she goes on her meds, she seems to think her normalizing is wrong, and then stops with the meds. I can pick this up quickly after she stops.
How I got her to see the doc: I spoke to her old man (her parents, the type that sit in the front row of church kind of people) to ask for help and they gave forth trustingly that they support my cause... I asked him to speak to his daughter as he would be able to get through to her to see a doc. He was rather adamant as he done this before (I think his wife) to talk to my brother and sister as they are doctors and to force my wife to see the doc. I asked him many times as plan A to talk to her and if that would fail, I would force her to the hospital. So it ended the force her to hospital, as I asked him minutes before I picked her up from work for the last time to rather talk to her- He said force her to the hospital!
So I dropped the kids at my brother and told her I'm taking her to hospital to get her help (no turning back) she protested and started to call her old man. He talks loudly and I could hear the other side of the conversation from him. My words to her was "call him, he wants you to get help to and he knows this is happening" Over the phone I heard him denying that he knew, and she should get out the car at the first stop street and go to the police. Just like that- he became the most sly, backstabbing thing ever. Alas my wife did not get out and somewhere deep inside made her say, ok take me to the hospital. So she went and started getting help.
Alot of things happened till now, but things are bit better. I'm still a married bachelor and no more mr nice guy, but every now and then she kooks up in her head that I always do something with "bad" evil motive. She blames me for "kidnapping" her - when she utmost enjoys going to the doc (verbally admits it is the best thing she does ever) by me getting her help. She still looses it with me and the kids and can be very cruel especially if she stops her meds. She does not seem to have any compassion or empathy, and if there are, it is either her family aunts or cousins. I do not always trust her motives, as it seems difficult to distinguish what seems real or not (probably how she sees me). Things are often still black and then white way of thinking.
Mother in Law: When things started getting better, with or without meds, things soon fall back to non trust and reminders of that night at the hospital. She went as far to say that her family never would Kidnap her and this is where, as I know she does know the truth but in her sickness and hold of her family she does not admit it, I said it straight that she blames me solely for this and I told her straight she knew her dad and mom was very much and even more behind the way it had to go down. And she distrust and blames the one that is honest about it. She went rockers and did the I must FOff thing. Went to bed, ignored me the next morning and low and behold, as I know her game or mind sickness, she phones me at work all happy and chirpy about future renovations and plans at home. Black and White. BTW the why dont I just FOff out her life is what her mother says to her about me every now and then.
Ok MIL: As I see when she get irate with me and the kids and life, she always seems constantly on her phone messaging. Soon after things will get worse, as if she gets some cooked up idea or cook up that I have evil motives for helping her with something or when playing and loving my kids it is done with negative motive and she tells me, her mom and dad (he is so pissed off that he had to give up his time to spend time with the kids) I get pissed of in reality not to spend time and play with my kids. I also does not see my kids ever as a burden when I want to do something, or when they "cling" and want full time attention. So I know these conversations are there because I snooped on her phone when I had to use hers. I saw a very ridiculous message regarding me organizing a new car for my wife, and had it delivered safely at my work, so that I can fetch my wife to drive her new car home. Her mom told her with a icon like this:mad: in the message, a car sales garage does not d eliver (which they do, just not out of town where we live on a farm miles away), I purposely organised it so that I can keep the car for the day with me. It sounds stupid, and stupid it is, but my wife really wanted to drive it first and that she did in reality. no distrust motive from my side. so I scrolled up and saw alot of the same discrediting lies and made up nonsense about me by her mom and herself. Referring to me as an A-hole while I'm enjoying a barbecue with love making food for my wife and kids on holiday. Somehow it went from white to black in her mind and I was evilly preparing food... Her mom also calling me A-hole said Make sure he has a few beers first then push him over the balcony... It is sarcastically said in context just in case someone was wondering, but very worrisome. There were other messages further up that I should Foff from my wife. I don't know what real family is that why I stay (I'm from a loving and supportive family that never ever bad mo uth other friends, foes and family). And more how I do not care about her and the kids and so forth. Very sly manipulative messages. My wife ain't no angel either.
When they visit us they bad mouth their daughter in law how she is wrong in disciplining her children ( she is a junior school teacher) she is manipulating their son-her husband- and even blamed her for them moving to the other side of the country to get away from them in a evil way. And lots more and more nonsense about her and her family... They call her family their good friends since when she was small. They do not know my family at all well, but think they have the know how and authority to say behind their and my back how bad they are as a family. Lies always find their way to the victims which it had.
My wife and I are working on our marriage, but I cannot think this cult like situation with her parents, the evil harm they are doing is going to just go away so that we can sort our own family out.
Does anybody have advice on to deal with them and also to keep myself from becoming like them towards them... I Have my faults, but do not think myself, my wife and kids deserve the harm it causes. I have a chance to mend the broken between myself and my wife (counseling and preparedness from my wife side to go to counseling), but the negative from her family is a block in the road. BTW my wife is gripped cult like with her family, and does not get it at all that a marriage is "important" or a new life of a new family. she does not understand the sacred concept.
Thank you in advanced
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