I hope someone has some advice to offer here, I have been browsing for awhile but finally got the nerve to just post it. I apologize now, It's a long story.
I am 31 yrs old, married to Hubby who is 33, and we have been married 9 yrs. My husband is a good man, a good provider, and a good dad, He is my best friend and I love him more then I can say.
We have been thru some rough patches with his cheating on and off over the years, but have always tried to work it out. Therepist say its a sex addiction (strippers, escorts, streetwalkers, massage parlors, ect are his women of choice for the hr) and that may or may not be true. Regardless, we have worked on things and struggled so much to make it. Other then our sex issues, our marriage is really pretty good. Because of his cheating in the past, I take extra care is taking care of myself, and honestly think I look better today then the day we married.
Now that you have a bit of background... on to the problem:
My husband doesn't want sex. Hardly ever. If it was up to him we might only mess around 1-2 times a month, and because its so long in between, it rarely last longer then a min. He does provide foreplay when I can finally talk him into it, but I miss having actual SEX. Once he orgasms, it's over. If I ask he will assist with a toy after, but I can tell his heart isn't in it and that just turns me off.
I have tried everything to ''spice things up''. In my efforts over the years to convince him to quit cheating ( I now know its nothing to do with me, but I thought it was at first) we have done everything. I have every book out there and tried it all, I watched porn to learn, took classes from pornstars in vegas, wigs, costumes, roleplay, trying out fetish's, threesomes, voyeurism, went to a few swinger clubs, strip clubs with him, ect. I mean there is literally nothing I dint give a whirl. Or if there is, I can't think of it.
I am so lonely and horny just thinking of sex makes me want to cry. I don't understand how this has happened and what can make it better. My self esteem has been crushed because it hurts to know he has me at home willing to do anything at anytime for him, but he turns me down and then cheats. I don't think he is currently cheating, although it wouldn't surprise me, and our relationship has always been like this since a few months after marriage. But even if he isn't cheating now, it hurts to know he wanted them enough to pay them but turns me down when I throw myself at him. (And yes, I tried hard to get before too, after 2 months of no sex at all, I gave up, he didn't care either way)
I posted this somewhere else before, and everyone's first thought was I must be hideous. Well, I'm not. I'm 5'7, 120 lbs, slender and busty, I work out a few times a week, keep my hair done, I take care of myself, so this is NOT the problem.
I try hinting around I am in the mood and he will ignore it, if I flat out ask he will sometimes comply but I can tell he is just not that into it and that ruins it for me. I hate having to beg for sex. It kills me there is a million men that would love to jump me and I throw myself at him and he just don't care. I don't know what to do. I am so lonely and it sounds awful but so horny all the time.
I have a hard time orgasming by myself, like a REALLY hard time so it's kinda like if he don't help its not happening. I have always been faithful to him, even during the worst times when he was out screwing half the town, but I am honestly starting to think about cheating myself, then I feel so guilty for even thinking it. I don't want to go there but Idk what to do.
We have talked about this lots of times over the years. Sometimes he talks back and promises it will get better, and other times he gets mad, and sometimes he just ignores me. There just seems like there is no passion there anymore. And that's something that's really hard to fake. I HATE having to ask him for sex. It seems like 9 times out of 10 I bring it up, and then I have to talk him into it by going all out seducing and wearing a outfit every time, then spend all sorta time loving on him, just to get him to agree to sex, then he will finally do it, but its over in a min and idk, this is just awful. I WANT TO FEEL WANTED AGAIN. I want him to want me.
How do I get my husband to want me? Please help!
Keep in mind our relationship is really good other then the sex issue part (in my mind, his cheating is about sex, so that ties in here too). I sometimes feel like if he isn't cheating, he don't want sex at all. I do NOT think he is currently cheating though. But how do I live with my hubby wanting everyone but me? What is so wrong with me, dang it? How is it even possible that a 33 yr old man doesn't want sex?
He is not gay. His hormone levels have been checked, and are fine. We have no problem discussing our fantasy's and such, just can't seem to get him to wanna do it. HE is always too tired. (his job is demanding, but even on weekends he rarely wants too). I really hope someone can help, I feel really stupid and embarresed just writing this.
I am 31 yrs old, married to Hubby who is 33, and we have been married 9 yrs. My husband is a good man, a good provider, and a good dad, He is my best friend and I love him more then I can say.
We have been thru some rough patches with his cheating on and off over the years, but have always tried to work it out. Therepist say its a sex addiction (strippers, escorts, streetwalkers, massage parlors, ect are his women of choice for the hr) and that may or may not be true. Regardless, we have worked on things and struggled so much to make it. Other then our sex issues, our marriage is really pretty good. Because of his cheating in the past, I take extra care is taking care of myself, and honestly think I look better today then the day we married.
Now that you have a bit of background... on to the problem:
My husband doesn't want sex. Hardly ever. If it was up to him we might only mess around 1-2 times a month, and because its so long in between, it rarely last longer then a min. He does provide foreplay when I can finally talk him into it, but I miss having actual SEX. Once he orgasms, it's over. If I ask he will assist with a toy after, but I can tell his heart isn't in it and that just turns me off.
I have tried everything to ''spice things up''. In my efforts over the years to convince him to quit cheating ( I now know its nothing to do with me, but I thought it was at first) we have done everything. I have every book out there and tried it all, I watched porn to learn, took classes from pornstars in vegas, wigs, costumes, roleplay, trying out fetish's, threesomes, voyeurism, went to a few swinger clubs, strip clubs with him, ect. I mean there is literally nothing I dint give a whirl. Or if there is, I can't think of it.
I am so lonely and horny just thinking of sex makes me want to cry. I don't understand how this has happened and what can make it better. My self esteem has been crushed because it hurts to know he has me at home willing to do anything at anytime for him, but he turns me down and then cheats. I don't think he is currently cheating, although it wouldn't surprise me, and our relationship has always been like this since a few months after marriage. But even if he isn't cheating now, it hurts to know he wanted them enough to pay them but turns me down when I throw myself at him. (And yes, I tried hard to get before too, after 2 months of no sex at all, I gave up, he didn't care either way)
I posted this somewhere else before, and everyone's first thought was I must be hideous. Well, I'm not. I'm 5'7, 120 lbs, slender and busty, I work out a few times a week, keep my hair done, I take care of myself, so this is NOT the problem.
I try hinting around I am in the mood and he will ignore it, if I flat out ask he will sometimes comply but I can tell he is just not that into it and that ruins it for me. I hate having to beg for sex. It kills me there is a million men that would love to jump me and I throw myself at him and he just don't care. I don't know what to do. I am so lonely and it sounds awful but so horny all the time.
I have a hard time orgasming by myself, like a REALLY hard time so it's kinda like if he don't help its not happening. I have always been faithful to him, even during the worst times when he was out screwing half the town, but I am honestly starting to think about cheating myself, then I feel so guilty for even thinking it. I don't want to go there but Idk what to do.
We have talked about this lots of times over the years. Sometimes he talks back and promises it will get better, and other times he gets mad, and sometimes he just ignores me. There just seems like there is no passion there anymore. And that's something that's really hard to fake. I HATE having to ask him for sex. It seems like 9 times out of 10 I bring it up, and then I have to talk him into it by going all out seducing and wearing a outfit every time, then spend all sorta time loving on him, just to get him to agree to sex, then he will finally do it, but its over in a min and idk, this is just awful. I WANT TO FEEL WANTED AGAIN. I want him to want me.
How do I get my husband to want me? Please help!
Keep in mind our relationship is really good other then the sex issue part (in my mind, his cheating is about sex, so that ties in here too). I sometimes feel like if he isn't cheating, he don't want sex at all. I do NOT think he is currently cheating though. But how do I live with my hubby wanting everyone but me? What is so wrong with me, dang it? How is it even possible that a 33 yr old man doesn't want sex?
He is not gay. His hormone levels have been checked, and are fine. We have no problem discussing our fantasy's and such, just can't seem to get him to wanna do it. HE is always too tired. (his job is demanding, but even on weekends he rarely wants too). I really hope someone can help, I feel really stupid and embarresed just writing this.
Put the internet to work for you.
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