I'm sure everyone goes through the ups and downs of a separation/divorce. Right now I am currently 6 weeks – 4 days separated from a 12yr relationship/6 yrs married. The reason for our separation had a lot to do with his depression. He always had alcohol and anger issues but in when the depression started about 2yrs ago.. it became the final straw. He took out his anger and frustrations on me. Put me down. He turned my efforts to help him in resentment against me. I am far from perfect and take my fair share of blame in our issues. I have no problem owning my mistakes and admitting my wrongs. Things just got too hostile between us. It felt like I was the enemy and he was so quick to think the worse of me. I was constantly being misunderstood and made out to be a monster. I just couldn't live like that any longer.
The first 2 weeks were really hard.. Lots of tears, sorrow, fear and cottage cheese brain. Then the anger settled in with all the thoughts of "maybe we just weren't ever right for each other and spent too much time trying to change each other or fix something that wasn't meant to be fixed." The feelings were followed by feelings of calm without all the hostility in the house. Then two weeks ago we started talking. It started with him leaning on me and draining me from all my strength because he 'needed' me to help him through a hard point of depression, which lead to us reminiscing about our first few years.. Then led to us flirting.. Which spiked a bit of hope that reconciliation just might be possible in the future. Now we are back to not talking again. I will add, for no reason really.. Maybe he just got his fix and doesn't need me right now? I know that I am far from ready to start dating or to have any kind of intimate relationship with anyone… but I have met someone that is kind, caring, sees me for me, compliments me, and is a really good man and father. I spent a little bit of time with him the past Saturday. He got me flowers and took me for a wonderful afternoon of fun and good conversations; I've been upfront that I'm not ready for anything more than a friendship but he has also been upfront in letting me know that he wants more when my heart is ready. Since then he has sent me a gift basket to my work and is asking that I spend more time with him this weekend. I am in panic mode. One, I am not use to nice gesture or a man treating me this way so it's freaking me out and making me feel pressured. Two, all I can really think about is 'why doesn't me husband see me the way everyone else does.. why is he letting me go?' I am sure it's just a lot of mixed emotions and fear.. I'm sure it has a lot to do with not being ready to move on and not being able to completely let go. I try really hard to feel my feeling, understand them, learn from them.. But this is all new water for me. Didn't I always pass up the good guy for the *******? That's the story of my life and I'm not sure how to break the habit. Any input, advice or even constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!!
The first 2 weeks were really hard.. Lots of tears, sorrow, fear and cottage cheese brain. Then the anger settled in with all the thoughts of "maybe we just weren't ever right for each other and spent too much time trying to change each other or fix something that wasn't meant to be fixed." The feelings were followed by feelings of calm without all the hostility in the house. Then two weeks ago we started talking. It started with him leaning on me and draining me from all my strength because he 'needed' me to help him through a hard point of depression, which lead to us reminiscing about our first few years.. Then led to us flirting.. Which spiked a bit of hope that reconciliation just might be possible in the future. Now we are back to not talking again. I will add, for no reason really.. Maybe he just got his fix and doesn't need me right now? I know that I am far from ready to start dating or to have any kind of intimate relationship with anyone… but I have met someone that is kind, caring, sees me for me, compliments me, and is a really good man and father. I spent a little bit of time with him the past Saturday. He got me flowers and took me for a wonderful afternoon of fun and good conversations; I've been upfront that I'm not ready for anything more than a friendship but he has also been upfront in letting me know that he wants more when my heart is ready. Since then he has sent me a gift basket to my work and is asking that I spend more time with him this weekend. I am in panic mode. One, I am not use to nice gesture or a man treating me this way so it's freaking me out and making me feel pressured. Two, all I can really think about is 'why doesn't me husband see me the way everyone else does.. why is he letting me go?' I am sure it's just a lot of mixed emotions and fear.. I'm sure it has a lot to do with not being ready to move on and not being able to completely let go. I try really hard to feel my feeling, understand them, learn from them.. But this is all new water for me. Didn't I always pass up the good guy for the *******? That's the story of my life and I'm not sure how to break the habit. Any input, advice or even constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!!
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