Where to start. I have never done anything like this before. I have been married to my college sweetheart for 27 years. We have long story that is anything, but ordinary. I will keep it as brief as possible. I just need a sounding board. I have no one to talk to. We got pregnant our senior year in college and decided to get married. We believed that was the path we were headed down anyway. We were a little you and naïve. We struggled financially early on. After a few years we thought we were on track. We decided to have another child 4 years later. Things were on track. We decided to have one more child 3 years after that. While my wife was pregnant with our third child we find out that our second daughter has a seizure disorder and is autistic. Hospital stays, bills, and a job loss brought back all of the financial problems multiplied by 100. I thought I needed to take all the burden on myself and closed off my wife on these matters. Young and stupid. I was in finance at the time. Instead of facing the reality head on and dealing with it the right way I decided to get involved with someone business wise that took me down a path that I knew was wrong. My choice. I am responsible. I didn't think through what I was doing and the consequences if I got caught. Long story short I committed a crime and wound up going to jail for 5 months. I left my wife for 5 moths with 3 young girls, one of whom was special needs. She stepped up like the amazing person she is and took care of things for those 5 months. When I returned home it took a little time for me to get back on track. She hung in there with me. The one thing that we never did, and now we both know we should have, was talk fully and truthfully about what happened and how it made her feel. She closed off. I tried to talk about it. So we just moved forward. Things seems to be getting back to normal a couple of years later. We seemed happy. We had been together forever so I thought we were okay. This all happened 16 years ago. About 8 years ago we decided to move to a new town so our special needs daughter could attend a better special ed high school program. We bought a new house and started a life in our new town. I believed we were continuing our journey and building our life together. Now through all this we did not make our marriage as much of a priority as we should have. It was very difficult with the time our daughter requires and the hospital visits and stays and both of us working. I still thought though we were mutually in love. I would do anything for her. A little over 4 years ago things started to change. She reacquainted with an old male friend from high school on facebook. It started out as chatting occasionally then grew into texting daily and phone calls. Then she started sneaking out and seeing him. And then one dreadful day she left her facebook page open, and let my suspicions and insecurity now, get the best of me and I looked at the chat. It was all sexual. And then she told him she loved him. When I asked her about it she said it just happened. She said that she didn't think she loved me anymore. She said now that she still resents me over 10 years later for what I did back then and can't forgive me so she wants a divorce. Never ever said anything for over 10 years. And I had asked more than a few times over the years. Especially right after it happened. So, I waited while she did what she was doing with this guy, and still no divorce or further talk of it. When I asked she would say she wasn't sure what she wanted. Then the guys fades away after a couple of years and I think maybe there is a chance for us still. Then we come to now. It starts again with another guy. A stranger. No previous connection. Which in my mind means she had to be looking for a relationship with someone else. When I ask her who she is talking to all the time now she tells me it is just some guy from her running group and they are just friends. Okay?? The a couple of weeks ago she says she is going out with the running group. She never came home that night. First time ever either of us has not come home in the 27 years we have been together, except of course for my 5 months in jail. She says she had too much to drink and did not want to drive so she stayed at one of the ladies houses. Funny thing is that I had to text her at 2am to find this out. She didn't even let me know on her own. So I check the cell phone bill and the only number she called after she left that day was his. And the only number she called when she came home the next morning was his. Circumstantial yes, but curious. Now last night she tells me she is ready to get a divorce. I am devastated. I know I did a horrible and reprehensible thing to her years ago. I told her many times after it happened that if she needed to leave me for that I understood and would support her in her decision. Nothing. Now all these years later she is telling me again that the resentment has built up so large for her that she cannot love me or stay married. I am far from innocent here. But she knows I have devoted my life to her and love her unconditionally forever. She was my world. I know people can change over time and people can fall out of love. But, this is so hard to describe. My world is falling apart right in front of me. She is the only person I confide in. She is gone. Thank you for listening/reading.
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