Hey all. Many of you may know me from my other thread. But this thread is not about me but is about my good buddy who lives in the same town as me. He's in a fix and asked me for some advice but I don't know what to tell him.
His mom and dad divorced around 2007, after his dad found out she had been having an affair with one of his friends for the last five years or so of their marriage. I guess the divorce shook up the family and was awful. She basically rewrote the marital history, painting his dad as an abuser, which my buddy adamantly denies. He claims his dad doted on his mom and was a great husband. Anyways, my buddy and his younger brother sided with their dad and the mom basically disowned them. After the divorce she married her affair partner and has never expressed to her sons or family any remorse for doing that to her ex husband.
Back in January my buddy's dad was told he had cancer and would not live long. He forbade his sons to tell anyone he was sick, especially their mother, so they did not tell her. About a month ago he asked the boys to help him arrange his funeral because he was fading fast. At that time he told them that their mother and her husband were not welcome to the funeral and that she should be told not to come. He was adamant about it.
Well the old man died this past Saturday, and when my buddy called his mom he was surprised at how distraught she was. But when he told her that his dad had been sick since January she flipped out and accused him and his brother of betraying her, calling him all sorts of horrible things before hanging up on him. Well, I guess she called him yesterday and asked when his dad's wake and funeral were so she could attend. He lied and said he didn't know, to stall her, and then he called me just an hour or so ago asking me what he should do.
He feels like if he tells her not to come to the wake and funeral that it would be cruel and it would just drive another wedge between him, his brother and her. If he does allow her to come, then he is betraying his dad's last wishes.
I don't know what to tell him. What would you all tell him?
His mom and dad divorced around 2007, after his dad found out she had been having an affair with one of his friends for the last five years or so of their marriage. I guess the divorce shook up the family and was awful. She basically rewrote the marital history, painting his dad as an abuser, which my buddy adamantly denies. He claims his dad doted on his mom and was a great husband. Anyways, my buddy and his younger brother sided with their dad and the mom basically disowned them. After the divorce she married her affair partner and has never expressed to her sons or family any remorse for doing that to her ex husband.
Back in January my buddy's dad was told he had cancer and would not live long. He forbade his sons to tell anyone he was sick, especially their mother, so they did not tell her. About a month ago he asked the boys to help him arrange his funeral because he was fading fast. At that time he told them that their mother and her husband were not welcome to the funeral and that she should be told not to come. He was adamant about it.
Well the old man died this past Saturday, and when my buddy called his mom he was surprised at how distraught she was. But when he told her that his dad had been sick since January she flipped out and accused him and his brother of betraying her, calling him all sorts of horrible things before hanging up on him. Well, I guess she called him yesterday and asked when his dad's wake and funeral were so she could attend. He lied and said he didn't know, to stall her, and then he called me just an hour or so ago asking me what he should do.
He feels like if he tells her not to come to the wake and funeral that it would be cruel and it would just drive another wedge between him, his brother and her. If he does allow her to come, then he is betraying his dad's last wishes.
I don't know what to tell him. What would you all tell him?
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