This is a long story so I will sum up where I can to keep short as possible. I have been married 26 years. It started as a wonderful marriage and I could not have asked for a better husband. After about 12 years, my H began using drugs. This obviously caused a lot of problems! He would start will pills (whatever he could get) and when that wasnt enough it would go to cocaine. He would reach a certain point and realize what he was doing and he would make every effort to stop. He would stay clean for a few months then go back. He has been to rehab, drug counseling...and also jail.
I got to the point where I couldnt live with it anymore. It affected our finances to the point that we lost our home. He was very emotionally abusive and I just wanted out. If I tried to leave he would go into a rage, screaming tearing the house apart, then threatening suicide. I was afraid to leave.
After about 10 years of this, I finally got the nerve to leave. Of course I dealt with the suicide threats, etc. During this time I made MY mistake. I began seeing another man. I know this was wrong because even though I was not with my H we were still married. I dont know why I did it. I guess I needed the attention and affection that I hadnt had in so long. I know there is no excuse for it and I wish I could undo it.
After a couple of months, my H and I got back together. He was clean and promised he would never touch drugs again, he just wanted me back.
I told him about the other man which obviously devastated him.
That was over 2 years ago. Fast Forward to today and here is my problem. For the last 1 1/2 years, I have caught him talking to and flirting with other women. There have been 4 different times I found websites he had signed onto and created profiles. (dating/cheating websites) Nothing ever came of it. He had to pay for a membership to interact with anyone and he never did that. There were a couple of girls he was texting and flirting with, but never met up. I even found phone number of prostitutes in his phone and he did send texts to a couple of them. He says he has done all of this because I hurt him so bad and he doesnt think clearly and he never cheated.
I just found out that he has been talking to a woman he does business with. He even has a burner phone so they can talk. I saw some of the messages she sent so I do have proof but he says they have never met up and I'm pretty sure they havent.
Since I caught him, he says he threw out the phone and there is no more contact between them. I dont know if that is true. I left for the weekend because I have just had enough and this was over the line for me. He is now back to the suicide threats and begging me to stay.
His excuse for everything is he is hurt over me being with another man. Oh and he is back on drugs, has been for almost a year. I know I hurt him deeply and I feel guilty but where do I draw the line. At this point I think I want out of the marriage but like always I am afraid. Am I wrong for wanting out? Is this really his way of coping with the pain I caused him? Do I stay and deal with it because it is my fault? I am so confused and hurt. Please help!!
I got to the point where I couldnt live with it anymore. It affected our finances to the point that we lost our home. He was very emotionally abusive and I just wanted out. If I tried to leave he would go into a rage, screaming tearing the house apart, then threatening suicide. I was afraid to leave.
After about 10 years of this, I finally got the nerve to leave. Of course I dealt with the suicide threats, etc. During this time I made MY mistake. I began seeing another man. I know this was wrong because even though I was not with my H we were still married. I dont know why I did it. I guess I needed the attention and affection that I hadnt had in so long. I know there is no excuse for it and I wish I could undo it.
After a couple of months, my H and I got back together. He was clean and promised he would never touch drugs again, he just wanted me back.
I told him about the other man which obviously devastated him.
That was over 2 years ago. Fast Forward to today and here is my problem. For the last 1 1/2 years, I have caught him talking to and flirting with other women. There have been 4 different times I found websites he had signed onto and created profiles. (dating/cheating websites) Nothing ever came of it. He had to pay for a membership to interact with anyone and he never did that. There were a couple of girls he was texting and flirting with, but never met up. I even found phone number of prostitutes in his phone and he did send texts to a couple of them. He says he has done all of this because I hurt him so bad and he doesnt think clearly and he never cheated.
I just found out that he has been talking to a woman he does business with. He even has a burner phone so they can talk. I saw some of the messages she sent so I do have proof but he says they have never met up and I'm pretty sure they havent.
Since I caught him, he says he threw out the phone and there is no more contact between them. I dont know if that is true. I left for the weekend because I have just had enough and this was over the line for me. He is now back to the suicide threats and begging me to stay.
His excuse for everything is he is hurt over me being with another man. Oh and he is back on drugs, has been for almost a year. I know I hurt him deeply and I feel guilty but where do I draw the line. At this point I think I want out of the marriage but like always I am afraid. Am I wrong for wanting out? Is this really his way of coping with the pain I caused him? Do I stay and deal with it because it is my fault? I am so confused and hurt. Please help!!
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