So I am new to this forum so my apologies if there is already a thread on this topic. Bear with me as I would like to share what I can about what's been happening in our marriage.
We've been married for two years now, been together for almost four. Our marriage has been pretty good, not great, but there are things we need to work on, both of us.
Where do I start? Well, my wife just asked me to give her some space and go to my parents for a bit to stay there(2 weeks. I left last Thursday). That's what I will do for now. Now we still talk every day and she is initiating most of the conversation. It's usually around how our days are and banking stuff but there are other things in there too that we talk about that aren't mundane. So that gives me hope as she still wants to talk to me. Maybe moving out will help her figure out what she needs?
One big issue she has with us is that we do everything together and don't really have alone time. We have become so dependant on each other that it's made her feel that we can't co-exist without the other. Now, marriage is about doing things together but not everything. I agree that space and doing things without the other is important. But at the end of the day, I love my wife so much that I love doing things with her, no matter what they are.
Her issues with me right now are that she's in love with me but she says there's no passion in her for me sexually. There's no desire to rip my clothes off when she or I walk through the door. I believe that can be fixed and worked on. I truly do.
She's said we aren't the same people when we first met and that she wants to find herself before we can work on each other again. She said she does want to work on things down the road but right now she wants to find herself and for me to find myself too. That's a fair comment. I'm going to counselling now to talk to someone about this and try and re-focus on myself. If I show my wife the guy I was and want to be, which is a sweet, caring but tough guy, that may help. But the damage may already be done too. I don't know.
She also is tired of me saying I will change things in myself and when I do, it only lasts for a few months. I used to be a cranky man and for the past few months I've been less cranky.
I used to lie a bit to her but I haven't lied to her for well over a year now. She may not believe that, but I haven't. I've had enough of my lying ways and want to change for the better, even if the truth hurts. I used to call her names and swear at her but I've stopped that as it's not how she has ever talked to me. That is just poor on my part.
I've also become too comfortable with her. I don't do the sweet, nice things I used to do for her(love notes, cuddling, etc.). I tried to fix it recently but I went overboard and that pushed her away. I miss doing those things and I believe some times when we are comfortable we forget those things that brought us together. So in time with the space I'm giving, I will slowly incorporate those things again.
She also said she wants a man, not someone who lets her walk all over her. She said I'm too nice of a guy but I don't stand up for myself or her enough. I can be a man but I hate arguing. But I do need to work on that too. I can't be a pushover all my life, and my wife pushes me around and I sometimes let her.
Now, here's what she's been up to. About a month ago I found out she was on a dating website, plenty of fish, but I didn't say anything to her about it right away. She approached me and asked me if I knew about it and I said I did. She asked me why I didn't say something right away and I told her because I was taken aback and didn't really know what to say about the whole matter. She is not on there anymore but needless to say, she has met some men off there and has even slept with one of them. She confessed this to me and told me after she did she felt disgusting, sick and dirty. I believe that as my wife does have morals and standards. But what she is doing right now, still talking to men, tells me she really isn't over that stage. She really doesn't know why she's doing it but I think she likes the attention and sweet things these guys are saying to her. She keeps saying she's not a good person right now and I keep telling her she is a good person who is just lost. She's s aid that if she could wake up one day and all these issues we're having be gone this would all be solved, but that isn't going to happen.
My wife and I went through a miscarriage about a month and a half ago now. I don't think she ever fully recovered from that and she never really grieved it either. I think that is still playing on her mind and that she is having second thoughts about a lot of things. I've read that some times when a couple has a miscarriage that their relationship can change for the worse. I've been there for her and I talked to her about it but she never really said much about it until just recently. I believe she is battling some form of depression as my wife has told me she is happy with nothing in life right now, not just our marriage. She's moody, she doesn't do any household chores anymore, she doesn't like to cook...she just seems to have no passion for anything at this time, not even her new job.
Plus, her Mom and brother live with us right now and I believe that they aren't the problem but them being there doesn't help either. We've always had someone from her family living with us throughout our relationship and that isn't healthy at all.
I just don't know what to do. I'm giving her space and hoping for the best right now. I like the fact we still talk about things but I don't know how serious my wife is right now about wanting to reconcile. I think there is something wrong with her mentally too as she just isn't herself and is acting in very inappropriate ways.
Any advice would be great!(Sorry this is so long)
We've been married for two years now, been together for almost four. Our marriage has been pretty good, not great, but there are things we need to work on, both of us.
Where do I start? Well, my wife just asked me to give her some space and go to my parents for a bit to stay there(2 weeks. I left last Thursday). That's what I will do for now. Now we still talk every day and she is initiating most of the conversation. It's usually around how our days are and banking stuff but there are other things in there too that we talk about that aren't mundane. So that gives me hope as she still wants to talk to me. Maybe moving out will help her figure out what she needs?
One big issue she has with us is that we do everything together and don't really have alone time. We have become so dependant on each other that it's made her feel that we can't co-exist without the other. Now, marriage is about doing things together but not everything. I agree that space and doing things without the other is important. But at the end of the day, I love my wife so much that I love doing things with her, no matter what they are.
Her issues with me right now are that she's in love with me but she says there's no passion in her for me sexually. There's no desire to rip my clothes off when she or I walk through the door. I believe that can be fixed and worked on. I truly do.
She's said we aren't the same people when we first met and that she wants to find herself before we can work on each other again. She said she does want to work on things down the road but right now she wants to find herself and for me to find myself too. That's a fair comment. I'm going to counselling now to talk to someone about this and try and re-focus on myself. If I show my wife the guy I was and want to be, which is a sweet, caring but tough guy, that may help. But the damage may already be done too. I don't know.
She also is tired of me saying I will change things in myself and when I do, it only lasts for a few months. I used to be a cranky man and for the past few months I've been less cranky.
I used to lie a bit to her but I haven't lied to her for well over a year now. She may not believe that, but I haven't. I've had enough of my lying ways and want to change for the better, even if the truth hurts. I used to call her names and swear at her but I've stopped that as it's not how she has ever talked to me. That is just poor on my part.
I've also become too comfortable with her. I don't do the sweet, nice things I used to do for her(love notes, cuddling, etc.). I tried to fix it recently but I went overboard and that pushed her away. I miss doing those things and I believe some times when we are comfortable we forget those things that brought us together. So in time with the space I'm giving, I will slowly incorporate those things again.
She also said she wants a man, not someone who lets her walk all over her. She said I'm too nice of a guy but I don't stand up for myself or her enough. I can be a man but I hate arguing. But I do need to work on that too. I can't be a pushover all my life, and my wife pushes me around and I sometimes let her.
Now, here's what she's been up to. About a month ago I found out she was on a dating website, plenty of fish, but I didn't say anything to her about it right away. She approached me and asked me if I knew about it and I said I did. She asked me why I didn't say something right away and I told her because I was taken aback and didn't really know what to say about the whole matter. She is not on there anymore but needless to say, she has met some men off there and has even slept with one of them. She confessed this to me and told me after she did she felt disgusting, sick and dirty. I believe that as my wife does have morals and standards. But what she is doing right now, still talking to men, tells me she really isn't over that stage. She really doesn't know why she's doing it but I think she likes the attention and sweet things these guys are saying to her. She keeps saying she's not a good person right now and I keep telling her she is a good person who is just lost. She's s aid that if she could wake up one day and all these issues we're having be gone this would all be solved, but that isn't going to happen.
My wife and I went through a miscarriage about a month and a half ago now. I don't think she ever fully recovered from that and she never really grieved it either. I think that is still playing on her mind and that she is having second thoughts about a lot of things. I've read that some times when a couple has a miscarriage that their relationship can change for the worse. I've been there for her and I talked to her about it but she never really said much about it until just recently. I believe she is battling some form of depression as my wife has told me she is happy with nothing in life right now, not just our marriage. She's moody, she doesn't do any household chores anymore, she doesn't like to cook...she just seems to have no passion for anything at this time, not even her new job.
Plus, her Mom and brother live with us right now and I believe that they aren't the problem but them being there doesn't help either. We've always had someone from her family living with us throughout our relationship and that isn't healthy at all.
I just don't know what to do. I'm giving her space and hoping for the best right now. I like the fact we still talk about things but I don't know how serious my wife is right now about wanting to reconcile. I think there is something wrong with her mentally too as she just isn't herself and is acting in very inappropriate ways.
Any advice would be great!(Sorry this is so long)
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