Sorry if this ends up being a long story. Havent been here in quite awhile.
Was married about 7.5 years; daughter 5 son 2 at time of break up-- last halloween got the ILYBINILWY speech.
We had moved back home about a year earlier, wife was going back to school and SAHM, big changes from both working full time and family at a long distance. Red flags for cheating-- she got tatoos, waxed, more GNO. Looking back, big changes in her behavior. Im certain she was looking for something-- a mid life crisis based on the research ive done-- that she was bored. I could not find any proof of cheating in texts, FB, phone, etc.
Once I knew she was in this fog and it wasnt going to change, I went forward, pushed the D as quickly as I could.
She did not have a lawyer so as a dad, I did my best to get it through while she was agreeable to favorable terms for me. Even got her to get a job.
I met an old college friend about 6 weeks later, divorce still in process, and we started dating. When d was final, she met my kids and they loved her and vice versa. She is single mom of 11 year old.
About a month after D became final, I found out I had cancerous tumor. This was April 2014. I started chemo and radiation, moved in w/ gf so she could help take care of me and kids on days i had them. The treatment was awful and really took a lot out of me physically and emotionally.
At various points, my gf said I wasnt nice to her anymore, friendly, acted like I didnt like her. I know these things are true. Most of the time I felt so horrible I wanted to be alone and still and asleep.
In the meantime, when my ex found out I had cancer, she lost it. Wanted to help in any way possible. I was not available via text or phone so she went through gf constantly asking how I was, cried every time we talked. She was genuinely worried. They had some sort of falling out as my gf did not like the constant inquiries and had told me my ex gave up the right to be part of helping me.
June, ended radiation finally, and about 3-4 weeks after started to get a little energy back. Was feeling really trapped living at gf's house. It never felt like home. I moved back home to her dismay-- red flag. Started feeling a lot of pressure as though gf was much further ahead of me in the relationship and coming off the treatment, emotionally I was a wreck and very empty.
My counselor said at that point my body was in survival mode and didnt have the resources to engage in interesting things like love. TV shows i used to love to watch at night were completely uninteresting to me. I didnt want to do anything frankly. I could only show love to my own children.
Finally, about two weeks ago, I broke it off with the gf. Looking back, I realize there was a ton of pressure from here. She is an amazing, generous and kind woman but I think, having not been with anyone in years and never married, i was her knight and in her head we were supposed to be together forever.
I am not ready to let another person into my life right now to control what I do or how I live, that is how I felt finally.
Another issue-- wife is about to start school again and had some weeks off. When I moved back home and wasnt working (I just started working part time 2 weeks ago), she started finding reasons to stop over. She brought me smoothies and shakes (the cancer I have has significantly affected my ability to eat-- lost 20% of body weight). At one point, before I broke it off w/ gf, she was over and started getting emotional. I said, what are you so upset about? she said, I dont know. lets just say, if youre ever single again, you could ask me out on a date.
She left soon after and immediately apologized and said she was being inappropriate.
We do have random things we do together with the kids now, like my sons bday party this weekend. I have to say that I do enjoy the FAMILY part of it. Kids are fine with us living apart but I definitely think they like to see mommy and daddy at the same time now and again.
I dont know what exactly my ex wants. Right now I am still trying to heal. I sleep alot when I dont have my kids and dont do much else but try to gain my weight back. She has not pushed anything except that now I feel like she feels a little too comfortable with confiding in me like she did when we were married. A lot of complaining about stuff she cannot control basically. Stuff that has nothing to do with me.
This is mostly a vent but if anyone has been here before or has any insight id love to hear it.
Thanks, Mo.
Was married about 7.5 years; daughter 5 son 2 at time of break up-- last halloween got the ILYBINILWY speech.
We had moved back home about a year earlier, wife was going back to school and SAHM, big changes from both working full time and family at a long distance. Red flags for cheating-- she got tatoos, waxed, more GNO. Looking back, big changes in her behavior. Im certain she was looking for something-- a mid life crisis based on the research ive done-- that she was bored. I could not find any proof of cheating in texts, FB, phone, etc.
Once I knew she was in this fog and it wasnt going to change, I went forward, pushed the D as quickly as I could.
She did not have a lawyer so as a dad, I did my best to get it through while she was agreeable to favorable terms for me. Even got her to get a job.
I met an old college friend about 6 weeks later, divorce still in process, and we started dating. When d was final, she met my kids and they loved her and vice versa. She is single mom of 11 year old.
About a month after D became final, I found out I had cancerous tumor. This was April 2014. I started chemo and radiation, moved in w/ gf so she could help take care of me and kids on days i had them. The treatment was awful and really took a lot out of me physically and emotionally.
At various points, my gf said I wasnt nice to her anymore, friendly, acted like I didnt like her. I know these things are true. Most of the time I felt so horrible I wanted to be alone and still and asleep.
In the meantime, when my ex found out I had cancer, she lost it. Wanted to help in any way possible. I was not available via text or phone so she went through gf constantly asking how I was, cried every time we talked. She was genuinely worried. They had some sort of falling out as my gf did not like the constant inquiries and had told me my ex gave up the right to be part of helping me.
June, ended radiation finally, and about 3-4 weeks after started to get a little energy back. Was feeling really trapped living at gf's house. It never felt like home. I moved back home to her dismay-- red flag. Started feeling a lot of pressure as though gf was much further ahead of me in the relationship and coming off the treatment, emotionally I was a wreck and very empty.
My counselor said at that point my body was in survival mode and didnt have the resources to engage in interesting things like love. TV shows i used to love to watch at night were completely uninteresting to me. I didnt want to do anything frankly. I could only show love to my own children.
Finally, about two weeks ago, I broke it off with the gf. Looking back, I realize there was a ton of pressure from here. She is an amazing, generous and kind woman but I think, having not been with anyone in years and never married, i was her knight and in her head we were supposed to be together forever.
I am not ready to let another person into my life right now to control what I do or how I live, that is how I felt finally.
Another issue-- wife is about to start school again and had some weeks off. When I moved back home and wasnt working (I just started working part time 2 weeks ago), she started finding reasons to stop over. She brought me smoothies and shakes (the cancer I have has significantly affected my ability to eat-- lost 20% of body weight). At one point, before I broke it off w/ gf, she was over and started getting emotional. I said, what are you so upset about? she said, I dont know. lets just say, if youre ever single again, you could ask me out on a date.
She left soon after and immediately apologized and said she was being inappropriate.
We do have random things we do together with the kids now, like my sons bday party this weekend. I have to say that I do enjoy the FAMILY part of it. Kids are fine with us living apart but I definitely think they like to see mommy and daddy at the same time now and again.
I dont know what exactly my ex wants. Right now I am still trying to heal. I sleep alot when I dont have my kids and dont do much else but try to gain my weight back. She has not pushed anything except that now I feel like she feels a little too comfortable with confiding in me like she did when we were married. A lot of complaining about stuff she cannot control basically. Stuff that has nothing to do with me.
This is mostly a vent but if anyone has been here before or has any insight id love to hear it.
Thanks, Mo.
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