Not even sure why I'm posting this at nearly 2am on a saturday night but I feel so down
I'm 21, about to go into my final year of uni. I've never had proper self esteem issues until the past 2 years. In secondary school,college and first year of uni I was totally happy with myself and never went through any of that teen body image crisis stuff. I'm tall 5'11, was never overweight just put everything into my work and was quite shy so was happy only having a small group of friends.
Now things are so different, through bad uni diet I now weigh 12 and a half stone. I look at the mirror everyday and hate what I see. I try to change it but it never works out, because I take comfort in food when I'm upset instead of avoiding it. Being home for 4 months all summer has meant I do nothing. My family is so poor right now we just eat junk and because I don't have any money to myself it's not like I can go out and buy my own groceries because I just don't have the means, I often tell my mum I want to do diet and she says yeah yeah but never actually helps me out.
I feel worthless, at 21 I'm still a virgin, I've only ever kissed guys when drunk so don't even know what that feels like. I have a large network of friends which is the only good thing, but all the guys are out of my league or don't even look twice at me. There was one but I'm convinced he only wanted me because he's desperate. Any guy I like I'll never go after because I always think they are too good for me or are just going to use me. I've been good at hiding it for years through a tough as nails exterior pretending I don't want anyone but deep down I REALLY REALLY do. My girl friends are all ridiculously hot and outgoing so I'm just the fat friend on the end. My personality is shy and awkward. I find it hard making conversation and when I do I just think I sound really boring. I'm even convinced all my friends are bored of me now.
I just don't want to feel this way anymore, I see all these people saying how easy it is for girls to get laid and get boyfriends so I don't understand why it's not like that for me. Except the weight issue I do genuinely try to look good, I'm really into fashion and make-up so always try and look my best but no one is ever interested and I'm convinced all they see is some tall fat giant.
I don't even know why I type all that,just felt like 'telling' someone. I just want to know how I get self esteem and get over this feeling.
Put the internet to work for you.
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