There's a boy I've known since entering high school at the age of 11. I never suspected him to be gay until last year when it just clicked that he'd been quietly pursuing me for a few years (since I was 15). It all just clicked in place, all the hints and clues and the flirtations which I think now I mistakenly took as ways to tease me for being gay. He...quite possibly was flirting with me and pursuing me and wasn't just teasing as I previously thought. And he had a peculiar interest in penises and fit men, the way he looked at boys should have given it away but I was too focused on ******* and fantasising over his friends.
But we stopped talking. I'd never considered him a romantic interest, partly because he was so inconspicious in his gayness, and also partly because I was/am in love with one of his best friends. It's strange how I practically threw myself at most of the handsome and smart boys in school and went running desperatrely after every homosexual I saw yet I'd managed to miss him out. Looks-wise, he's quite attractive. He's certainly tall and has a decent figure. He's also quite smart and can be cute at times.
However, he began dating a blonde belle half a year ago. She is tall, slim and of good taste. Pretty. I'd never been affected by this boy before but I felt extremely jealous when I found out. I tried to convince myself it wasn't true, that it was only a bad dream, but the fact remained that they were dating. I complained to my friends about my frustration and about how much I hated him and his girlfriend and they were a bit confused about my sudden change of attitude towards this boy. I decided to spend more time on my appearance whenever I had the chance to see him because I began to see his girlfriend as a rival. It was a terrible time, though I've had many terrible periods in my life. I was caught between my unrequited love for his best friend, and a burning jealousy over his dating a girl. Yet I noticed that he exchanged glanves with me whenever I walked past him...he seemed to, well, check me out kinda ;)
At a club, he bought me a drink. I made sure to leave an impression on him to make him remember me. His girlfriend wasn't there, so I spoke to him in a way I'd never spoken to him before - in a flirtatious manner. I'd dared to speak in that way to many of his friends because they're just so attractive and I want them so badly, and he seemed to acknowledge my change of manners and stood there looking at me for a second, as though he had seen something unexpected...
But it's too late now. He has a girlfriend, a beautiful and intelligent girlfriend with a wide-reaching social circle. I feel so helpless, do you get it? When you feel as though you can have someone but you really can't because they're taken and you're not the kind of person to barge in on a committed relationship...
Put the internet to work for you.
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