I think this thread has as much to do with my mental health as it does relationships and so I decided to post here as opposed to mental health section.
As the title states, lately I've been feeling really depressed and dismal (in the medical sense), due to change in life events (recent breakup with girlfriend). Though, I would say I always have had issues with self-esteem and accepting myself, I would say it gets worse at low points.
I get more depressed because I feel like I'm not sexually appealing to the ladies. I know that, obviously, this is a self esteem issue. But I genuinely don't feel attractive. I know they say over time that if you act like your confident you become it. But all my negativity and lack of attention has caused is an egotistical reaction.
For example, I think over time my self esteem has been chipped away that I go through stages where I pretend to love myself, even though I know it's me covering over the cracks. I'm certain this is just an act, and I've only just recently started to do it- but it's making my anger worse.
I guess when I was younger (even though I hated myself then), I used to think, "oh when you get older, have a nice car, good job and etc etc...you'll find a nice girl", years on and I guess this just turns out to be a lie I told myself as a result of my own delusional thinking.
Thing is, irrational as it sounds, I have had girlfriends before- however I just think I'm pretty lucky in the sense I never had to really make an outright effort to change my behaviour (which is why I still have major issues with my anxiety). First girlfriend I chatted up whilst drunk, second girlfriend she chased me more or less. I'm still pretty clueless and don't pick up on social cues easily.
Nor do I feel attractive. I sort of feel like the guy who is overlooked by girls. Take my brother for example, he is younger than me, yet much more appealing, he is also very quiet, but has this ability to charm the ladies. It's just the way he looks at them and smiles and flirts. He is taller than me, has more desirable features and is socially more accepted.
I'm like the opposite of him, I'm introverted, not confident socially, whenever I try to flirt or whatever I come off as "shifty" with my eyes, I get nervous all the time and rarely smile. I'm at university and going into my final year and it kills me when I see loads of guys trying their luck and being successful whilst I'm sort of on the sidelines.
Any advice about how I can improve things for me?
Tl;dr
1. Feeling low and depressed. Low sense of self worth, don't think I'm attractive to the ladies (despite haven't girlfriends before, irrational I know!)
2. Recently broke up with girlfriend, which has brought about insecurities and I'm currently on medication for depression/anxiety.
3. Never felt adequate, and feel like the guy that's always overlooked with the girls, I don't think I'm sexually or physically appealing.
4. My younger brother for example, is like fairly confident, is taller than me, has desirable attributes, and just has to look at a girl or smile with his flirty nature and he gets them.
5. I'm always comparing myself to others. I get awkward in social situations, don't enjoy anything, rarely smile and often come off as "shifty" whenever I try to flirt with a girl.
- advice to help overcome this mess?
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