Firstly, I've been reading through this forum and found a lot of comfort in the support that members are showing each other. It has given me the confidence to share part of what has happened to me (which is obviously humiliating).
My wife and I have been together 20years, we met at school and I fell for her in a big way. There has been a lot of signs things weren't right early on and was warned by family that they didn't think she was good for me. I defended her and stuck it out because I loved her.
What I would like some perspective on is strange behaviour and things occurring that never made sense at the time but now I can't see any other reason except that she was unfaithful. She absolutely denies it when confronted.
2 years in to marriage wife regularly traveling for work. One such trip she is gone for 5 weeks. Long story short, we chat on the phone most nights and I hear lots about a fellow she's met whose also traveled up there from the same organisation (different office) and they're working together. I know they have dinner a couple of times. I'm not concerned because I'm also traveling for work and with a very attractive woman who became a dear friend of mine/ours, nothing more.
We had organised that I'd travel up to meet my wife on the final weekend of her stay. I get there, we go to dinner. The waitress accuses her of two timing. Wife explains that I'm her husband and the other guy was just a work colleague. Waitress not convinced. I step in and assure waitress that this is true and I'm fully aware That they were having dinner together and all is fine.
We go to wife's accommodation. Later in bed I'm cuddling her: no response, stiff as a board and staring at ceiling. I try to kiss her, no response. I ask her if she's ok? She's cold but assures all ok. Earlier in the day I accidentally discovered she's removed pubic hair (something she had always refused to do and said would never happen and has never happened since). She angrily states that it was meant to be a surprise for me. I go to have a look and she clamps her legs shut not letting me see or go near it. I feel like I'm raping her! So I stop and ask what's going on. She bursts into tears and holds me tight but can't explain.
I get no answers (and still never even think infidelity???). The weekend ends up fine and she's back to normal. I ask her how she removed her hair, she states she can't remember. I push for an answer as this is clearly a lie and she gets really angry so I leave it.
Looking back I realise that after this trip she lost lots of weight, got very fit, new hairstyle, new clothes and then her attitude changed. She became extremely ****y, condescending and I went from feeling like an equal to nothing, like an annoyance.
Sex dried up between us, no intimacy either. We were booked for a holiday at our favourite place and all of a sudden she wants to change destinations. I get my way and we go where we were booked. At the time I'm baffled to why she wanted this change. We go and she's nasty and cold the whole time. To the point that when I suggested intimacy on a rainy afternoon she told me "I don't want to waste my afternoon" in a way that had so much spite. I was beyond hurt and speechless. This was the place we had so many of our happiest times and where I eventually proposed!!
The next year I didn't want a repeat so let her choose any where she liked. She ends up booking a place where she wanted to go the year before. Leading up to the holiday she asks if she could visit this guy from the work trip. I was a bit surprised, I had forgotten about him and surprised she'd want to meet up again. I was ok with it and intrigued to meet him so said yes.
We get there and while discussing our plans I ask when she wants us to visit him. She says she's changed her mind. I push for an explanation and get shut down. BTW, on the way up we stayed somewhere else. I bought a sex card game with us (again trying to rekindle our intimacy). She reluctantly agrees to try. First card asks her to "do to your partner what you'd like to be done to you". She bursts into tears and heads out of the room. I'm starting to wonder at this time if she's ever been sexually abused. I'm confused and worried about her. Anyway, the reason for that tangent is that a few days later in the town where suspected OM lives we have an incredible night of sex. My normally dry wife floods the bed, asks me to do things that have always been a no no, except this one time. I ask her what was so special and she angrily shuts me down.
Anyway, there are other things that happened over the years that made me start to suspect, unexplained absences, I caught her hiding from me then lying about where she went not realising I saw her, no acknowledgement of anniversaries etc.
Finally, last year I stumbled on the name of this OM. I looked him up and found his facebook. I recognise him as someone in a photo that she took on that work trip. Somewhere she's always stated, and continued to state, she was alone. One day I clicked on a video he posted. I hear his voice and it instantly takes me back to strange 'wrong number' calls I received years ago. I'd forgotten about them. I'd get these calls and everytine I picked up the same guy would always say "sorry wrong number". He had a distinctive voice and accent. It happened too many times to be genuine and I was getting worried. The calls then turned into hang ups every time I answered the phone. I then decided to wait before speaking after picking phone up and there'd be silence then I'd hear it hang up. I was concerned so I raised it with my wife (not in the least suspecting she had had anything to do with it). I wanted to change number and make it private but she shut me down and wasn't at all concern ed or interested. Anyway, calls then stopped, I left it and forgot about it all.
I've recently confronted her about this and have been to counselling. She even chose counsellor. (I had taken her to one earlier as I was fed up with her lack of intimacy and general bullying attitude but she decided this one wasn't the right one and stopped attending).
She states that she had a stalker at the time. I told her how ridiculous it is that she had a stalker and yet I was not told especially when I raised concerns about the phone calls. She's now backed away from that claim and still won't give any explanation to her behaviour on that night I met her on her trip. It's too long ago to remember she claims.
There is more circumstantial evidence that all point to an affair including comments and bizarre reactions by one of her friends but I'll leave it at that for now.
If you've read through all of this, thank you.
I'd appreciate some perspective on this. I realise you are only hearing my side of the story but I've tried to tell it as accurately as I can and left out further evidence that I suspect could be me being biased.
The closest I've come to an admission is once, while discussing this she became emotional and stated that I didn't call her enough on that trip. Oh! The first time I suspected that something may of happened on the trip I told her that I believe something happened and it was WW111. I was a bastard for questioning her faithfulness.
My wife and I have been together 20years, we met at school and I fell for her in a big way. There has been a lot of signs things weren't right early on and was warned by family that they didn't think she was good for me. I defended her and stuck it out because I loved her.
What I would like some perspective on is strange behaviour and things occurring that never made sense at the time but now I can't see any other reason except that she was unfaithful. She absolutely denies it when confronted.
2 years in to marriage wife regularly traveling for work. One such trip she is gone for 5 weeks. Long story short, we chat on the phone most nights and I hear lots about a fellow she's met whose also traveled up there from the same organisation (different office) and they're working together. I know they have dinner a couple of times. I'm not concerned because I'm also traveling for work and with a very attractive woman who became a dear friend of mine/ours, nothing more.
We had organised that I'd travel up to meet my wife on the final weekend of her stay. I get there, we go to dinner. The waitress accuses her of two timing. Wife explains that I'm her husband and the other guy was just a work colleague. Waitress not convinced. I step in and assure waitress that this is true and I'm fully aware That they were having dinner together and all is fine.
We go to wife's accommodation. Later in bed I'm cuddling her: no response, stiff as a board and staring at ceiling. I try to kiss her, no response. I ask her if she's ok? She's cold but assures all ok. Earlier in the day I accidentally discovered she's removed pubic hair (something she had always refused to do and said would never happen and has never happened since). She angrily states that it was meant to be a surprise for me. I go to have a look and she clamps her legs shut not letting me see or go near it. I feel like I'm raping her! So I stop and ask what's going on. She bursts into tears and holds me tight but can't explain.
I get no answers (and still never even think infidelity???). The weekend ends up fine and she's back to normal. I ask her how she removed her hair, she states she can't remember. I push for an answer as this is clearly a lie and she gets really angry so I leave it.
Looking back I realise that after this trip she lost lots of weight, got very fit, new hairstyle, new clothes and then her attitude changed. She became extremely ****y, condescending and I went from feeling like an equal to nothing, like an annoyance.
Sex dried up between us, no intimacy either. We were booked for a holiday at our favourite place and all of a sudden she wants to change destinations. I get my way and we go where we were booked. At the time I'm baffled to why she wanted this change. We go and she's nasty and cold the whole time. To the point that when I suggested intimacy on a rainy afternoon she told me "I don't want to waste my afternoon" in a way that had so much spite. I was beyond hurt and speechless. This was the place we had so many of our happiest times and where I eventually proposed!!
The next year I didn't want a repeat so let her choose any where she liked. She ends up booking a place where she wanted to go the year before. Leading up to the holiday she asks if she could visit this guy from the work trip. I was a bit surprised, I had forgotten about him and surprised she'd want to meet up again. I was ok with it and intrigued to meet him so said yes.
We get there and while discussing our plans I ask when she wants us to visit him. She says she's changed her mind. I push for an explanation and get shut down. BTW, on the way up we stayed somewhere else. I bought a sex card game with us (again trying to rekindle our intimacy). She reluctantly agrees to try. First card asks her to "do to your partner what you'd like to be done to you". She bursts into tears and heads out of the room. I'm starting to wonder at this time if she's ever been sexually abused. I'm confused and worried about her. Anyway, the reason for that tangent is that a few days later in the town where suspected OM lives we have an incredible night of sex. My normally dry wife floods the bed, asks me to do things that have always been a no no, except this one time. I ask her what was so special and she angrily shuts me down.
Anyway, there are other things that happened over the years that made me start to suspect, unexplained absences, I caught her hiding from me then lying about where she went not realising I saw her, no acknowledgement of anniversaries etc.
Finally, last year I stumbled on the name of this OM. I looked him up and found his facebook. I recognise him as someone in a photo that she took on that work trip. Somewhere she's always stated, and continued to state, she was alone. One day I clicked on a video he posted. I hear his voice and it instantly takes me back to strange 'wrong number' calls I received years ago. I'd forgotten about them. I'd get these calls and everytine I picked up the same guy would always say "sorry wrong number". He had a distinctive voice and accent. It happened too many times to be genuine and I was getting worried. The calls then turned into hang ups every time I answered the phone. I then decided to wait before speaking after picking phone up and there'd be silence then I'd hear it hang up. I was concerned so I raised it with my wife (not in the least suspecting she had had anything to do with it). I wanted to change number and make it private but she shut me down and wasn't at all concern ed or interested. Anyway, calls then stopped, I left it and forgot about it all.
I've recently confronted her about this and have been to counselling. She even chose counsellor. (I had taken her to one earlier as I was fed up with her lack of intimacy and general bullying attitude but she decided this one wasn't the right one and stopped attending).
She states that she had a stalker at the time. I told her how ridiculous it is that she had a stalker and yet I was not told especially when I raised concerns about the phone calls. She's now backed away from that claim and still won't give any explanation to her behaviour on that night I met her on her trip. It's too long ago to remember she claims.
There is more circumstantial evidence that all point to an affair including comments and bizarre reactions by one of her friends but I'll leave it at that for now.
If you've read through all of this, thank you.
I'd appreciate some perspective on this. I realise you are only hearing my side of the story but I've tried to tell it as accurately as I can and left out further evidence that I suspect could be me being biased.
The closest I've come to an admission is once, while discussing this she became emotional and stated that I didn't call her enough on that trip. Oh! The first time I suspected that something may of happened on the trip I told her that I believe something happened and it was WW111. I was a bastard for questioning her faithfulness.
Put the internet to work for you.
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