Im 19 years old and a Sikh and madly in love with my boyfriend who is white. Basically in my family I am forbidden to see anyone, see any guy and fall in love no matter what cultural background they are from. My culture by the rules on having a arrange marriage, obviously with my say, and get to meet and speak to the guy but under my parents rules and by respect he has to be my caste and religion. I don't have any against my religion or the guys but I have fallen in love. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, we have been through a lot together. He makes me so happy, I have previously had struggled with life in the past until I met him he turned my world up side down and I love him so very much, and he feels the same. Although my parents do not know, and i can't be with in 24/7 its becoming hard for him. We love each other and talked about what we want to do in our lives together in the future...including marriages and having children. We are madly in love and i cant go a day without him. We've had problems recently about how I cant do anything because of my family and is becoming a stress for both of us. I had told my mother about seeing a guy but he is white, she told me not to see him again without me saying a word. I agreed, but obviously did not obey. Then it had came to a point where my older sister had gone through my phone while i was out and didn't deal with the situation easily. She had told my mother, i had my phone taken off, and forced to change my number and not speak to my boyfriend etc.. I had gotten my phone back and still meet and speak to my boyfriend, but its still not enough for him or for me. Its hard to talk to my mother, she tries to ignore everything, she doesn't listen. So im left crying myself to sleep every night even though she knows what I am going through. she threatens to tell my father but I am too scared for him to find out, he would kill me and my boyfriend probably. I have not much in my li fe right now, looking for employment and such but eventually my parents will start looking for a guy for me to marry and start meeting. Normally I would be fine as I will get to choose however at the same time I am scared, I don't think I am marriage material, I'm not like my elder sisters who are now married. I want my own life and want to chose my love. Even my mother knows that, I am not the type to marry but its I will eventually and by respect. I just can't when I have fallen in love, ive meet the one i want to marry but I cant have a say because he is white and its my decision, its disrespecting the culture. My mother asks if i want to marry him, Im too scared to reply so i say nothing, although i think she knows the answer. I am in so much stress, been having arguments with my boyfriend because of the issue but we both know that we want each other but its up to me to decide that, i feel so much pressure and i know its not fair on him. I have recently been thinking sh ould i just leave without saying a word, or tell them and just leave and see what my parents will do or just do nothing and make them happy. I dont want my parents to be unhappy, i just want to happy too otherwise i will never be. I just want to be accepted for my decision and who i am. If i hadnt met my boyfriend, Id still not agree to marry coz i want to fall in love. Theres always family issues too, with parents fighting or other siblings having a breakdown, coz I am the youngest, im just the least to think about. I dont have anything against my family, i know it would hurt them if i leave so i dont want to , but half of me is telling me that i should. no matter what i still love my boyfriend very much and care for his happiness and i feel its in my hands. I admit that i am scared, my mother has said she will no longer consider me as her daughter and will bring shame to the family. I dont know what to do. I feel like i have to chose. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world, but i have to hide it. its so hard, recently i have been having suicidal thoughts and been in positions where i almost committed. i know its not the answer but i just wanna get away from this all, i want peace and want to be happy. i need help and advise.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment