Question,
Is it possible for the engulfment and the abandonment to be rapidly displayed back and forth?
It feels as though in dealing with my BPDw the fear of these two issues almost go now hand in hand or at least the resulting rage,reactions, etc..are displayed in an almost back and forth manner.
When she feels one...her actions seem to prompt her to then feel the other.
In other words...if she is feeling engulfed - she rages away at those in her proximity and then usually reacts in a fight/flight manner. Shortly after, when those around her either choose to try and talk about it...or simply give space (or hunker down a bit) she perceives that as abandonment.
And CURIOUSLY...her reaction is....Rage, anger, aggression.
It is almost as if ....in her fear of abandonment....she is trying to instead "act first"...ridding those around her.
(I hope I am describing this clearly)
It truly seems that the cycling between the two (engulfment/abandonment) is occurring (ping/ponging) at an even shorter cycle. Almost as though they are becoming enmeshed in the same incident.
(which makes coping with this an even more disturbing challenge)
The MOST curious part of this....is that what I would think woudl be the typical manner to deal with either of these fears ...NEVER happens. An honest, open, calm, and genuine discussion of feelings. IF that occurred - it would seem that BOTH these fears would be abated.
I TRULY (have really made sure to NOT do ANYTHING that could be construed as this) do not see real occurrences or actions that are engulfing by myself or the kids. And for SURE there is not ANYTHING that happens that showcase abandonment.
So WHY would someone who is suffering from these fears not WANT to discuss and dispel the fears?
Is the ping/pong game simply occur inside their head even with no apparent external signs??
This is INCREDIBLY confusing to me...as it would seem that there are SO many signs of the opposite that she should hold comfort in ....but seems to "want"(?) to hold firm to these fears..??
As all can imagine...the now rapid oscillation between these two places..AND ...her resulting actions...is very hard for anyone on the house to deal with. It is almost like we are watching it...without finding the "reasons" for why she is in that fear.
And anything we do...more space...support...etc...is ALWAYS wrong.
Has anyone else experienced this?
What is best advice to deal with it?
Thank you
Is it possible for the engulfment and the abandonment to be rapidly displayed back and forth?
It feels as though in dealing with my BPDw the fear of these two issues almost go now hand in hand or at least the resulting rage,reactions, etc..are displayed in an almost back and forth manner.
When she feels one...her actions seem to prompt her to then feel the other.
In other words...if she is feeling engulfed - she rages away at those in her proximity and then usually reacts in a fight/flight manner. Shortly after, when those around her either choose to try and talk about it...or simply give space (or hunker down a bit) she perceives that as abandonment.
And CURIOUSLY...her reaction is....Rage, anger, aggression.
It is almost as if ....in her fear of abandonment....she is trying to instead "act first"...ridding those around her.
(I hope I am describing this clearly)
It truly seems that the cycling between the two (engulfment/abandonment) is occurring (ping/ponging) at an even shorter cycle. Almost as though they are becoming enmeshed in the same incident.
(which makes coping with this an even more disturbing challenge)
The MOST curious part of this....is that what I would think woudl be the typical manner to deal with either of these fears ...NEVER happens. An honest, open, calm, and genuine discussion of feelings. IF that occurred - it would seem that BOTH these fears would be abated.
I TRULY (have really made sure to NOT do ANYTHING that could be construed as this) do not see real occurrences or actions that are engulfing by myself or the kids. And for SURE there is not ANYTHING that happens that showcase abandonment.
So WHY would someone who is suffering from these fears not WANT to discuss and dispel the fears?
Is the ping/pong game simply occur inside their head even with no apparent external signs??
This is INCREDIBLY confusing to me...as it would seem that there are SO many signs of the opposite that she should hold comfort in ....but seems to "want"(?) to hold firm to these fears..??
As all can imagine...the now rapid oscillation between these two places..AND ...her resulting actions...is very hard for anyone on the house to deal with. It is almost like we are watching it...without finding the "reasons" for why she is in that fear.
And anything we do...more space...support...etc...is ALWAYS wrong.
Has anyone else experienced this?
What is best advice to deal with it?
Thank you
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