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Second Divorce -Feeling Broken

Hello everyone... I have been on this site since last year when my separation and divorce started. It was final last November and I am still having such a hard time moving my heart and emotions forward.

It was a second marriage for both of us and we got married after only 6 months of dating. Thought it was providential. We had both been single for 7 and 10 years. I was really ready and in a healthy place for a new relationship. What I didn't know until we were married was that I married a passive aggresive functioning alcoholic. So many hurtful things happened with my children, to me and I could go on and on.

In the end I had to get divorced for my own emotional and financial welfare. It's not what i wanted though. I loved him so very much and still do. After our divorce we even tried again. A week after going our separate ways after mothers day he sent me a text telling me had met a woman, "she is wonderful", "life can change in an instant", "God is blessing him". I hate to admit it.... this arrow hits it's target. Even though I divorced him and know intellectually he is not good for me I am crying all the time and feel almost despondent. Its worse than when we actually divorced back in November.

I have so much going for me with my family and my grown children, my job, my health. But still, the pain of the loss of this marriage kills me. I had so many hopes and dreams and he sucked me in fully with his charm and words.

I know I am not the only person to ask this question.. How do you move on and get rid of this ache in your heart? I feel like such a failure to be divorced twice by age 44.

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