Well here goes…my first post.
So I am the former husband of a walk away wife. Plain and simple.
Once the fog lifted I realized what a mediocre marriage we had and how very self-centered she was.
This lovely gal that I had married had suddenly(?) turned into a near 300 pound work/World of Warcraft addict who would yell at me that I was "not my freaking father" when I asked her to come to bed. There had been the traditional silence for a several months while she shopped for houses for her mother…which I later found out was her shopping for herself.
I have abandonment issues from way back (lost nearly all relatives and my mom at 10-12 years old) and I did what I thought I needed to do and fought for my marriage as hard as I could. I didn't want my kids coming from a broken home. I tried very hard to do the 180…didn't quite do it. Most of the time I was able to pull it off, but then something small would come up and it would gradually escalate between us until she was practically screaming at me through email.
She filed just to surprise me. Nice surprise, eh?
I don't know if she actually cheated or not, but she showed a lot of the signs. I'm thinking it was mostly likely an emotional affair cause she had withdrawn from me almost completely.
I started dating after she told me that I needed to go date people and telling me she was in love with someone. Lots of crazies and I resigned myself that it might be a while. Okay.
Then I met my current GF. What a breath of fresh air! She recognized I was wounded but a good man and stood by patiently while I realized how battered I actually was. She introduced me to the Four Agreements and let me do my thing. She did just what I wanted which was to just let me be "me".
I will have been with her almost 2 ½ years in a month or two. No big fights or drama.
Now… present day.
Things have been "okay" between me and the ex. I basically placed her on no contact since she would use little things to Segway into arguments. I try to keep it to a minimum unless it's about the kids. My daughters are the best thing to come out of this. A friend thinks she still wants to engage me…be it negative or positive. I tend to agree.
She still doesn't understand that having her lie to me for upwards of eight months ("No, nothing's wrong.") and plotting her abrupt exit was the worst type of betrayal I have ever experienced. It was made even worse by her basically taking out all of the sins of the men in her life on me while she exited. She says she "is sad because I have stated that I don't ever see not being angry at her for the way she left." She has this idea that we are going to be the parents who "get along just swell".
I, on the other hand, cannot forgive the abuse and the callous way she treated me. I can forgive the divorce. What I can't forgive is the absolute lack of input I had in any of it. She broke up with me (15 years of marriage) by email. Things just went downhill from there. I honestly don't think I can ever trust her again and I'm not even certain what I would do given a chance to.
I could write a book on this …friends have said I should.
So my question is…Has anyone ever had an ex like this? If so, how did you let it go or at least get them to understand that you don't want to be friends with anyone who would hurt them so badly?
So I am the former husband of a walk away wife. Plain and simple.
Once the fog lifted I realized what a mediocre marriage we had and how very self-centered she was.
This lovely gal that I had married had suddenly(?) turned into a near 300 pound work/World of Warcraft addict who would yell at me that I was "not my freaking father" when I asked her to come to bed. There had been the traditional silence for a several months while she shopped for houses for her mother…which I later found out was her shopping for herself.
I have abandonment issues from way back (lost nearly all relatives and my mom at 10-12 years old) and I did what I thought I needed to do and fought for my marriage as hard as I could. I didn't want my kids coming from a broken home. I tried very hard to do the 180…didn't quite do it. Most of the time I was able to pull it off, but then something small would come up and it would gradually escalate between us until she was practically screaming at me through email.
She filed just to surprise me. Nice surprise, eh?
I don't know if she actually cheated or not, but she showed a lot of the signs. I'm thinking it was mostly likely an emotional affair cause she had withdrawn from me almost completely.
I started dating after she told me that I needed to go date people and telling me she was in love with someone. Lots of crazies and I resigned myself that it might be a while. Okay.
Then I met my current GF. What a breath of fresh air! She recognized I was wounded but a good man and stood by patiently while I realized how battered I actually was. She introduced me to the Four Agreements and let me do my thing. She did just what I wanted which was to just let me be "me".
I will have been with her almost 2 ½ years in a month or two. No big fights or drama.
Now… present day.
Things have been "okay" between me and the ex. I basically placed her on no contact since she would use little things to Segway into arguments. I try to keep it to a minimum unless it's about the kids. My daughters are the best thing to come out of this. A friend thinks she still wants to engage me…be it negative or positive. I tend to agree.
She still doesn't understand that having her lie to me for upwards of eight months ("No, nothing's wrong.") and plotting her abrupt exit was the worst type of betrayal I have ever experienced. It was made even worse by her basically taking out all of the sins of the men in her life on me while she exited. She says she "is sad because I have stated that I don't ever see not being angry at her for the way she left." She has this idea that we are going to be the parents who "get along just swell".
I, on the other hand, cannot forgive the abuse and the callous way she treated me. I can forgive the divorce. What I can't forgive is the absolute lack of input I had in any of it. She broke up with me (15 years of marriage) by email. Things just went downhill from there. I honestly don't think I can ever trust her again and I'm not even certain what I would do given a chance to.
I could write a book on this …friends have said I should.
So my question is…Has anyone ever had an ex like this? If so, how did you let it go or at least get them to understand that you don't want to be friends with anyone who would hurt them so badly?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment