ok. this is my first post and i've never posted on a forum but i don't really have any options at this point. it's a very difficult situation and i'm pretty much on my own, which makes clear thinking not so easy.
my husband and i have been married almost 5 years. we moved almost immediately for a job of his is europe. it seemed fast but like a wonderful new experience and he love(d) my son (then 8 now 13) like his own.
long story short, i can here and learned a new language (his) and found a job and created a small business and my son blossomed, made friends learned languages,etc.
i put all of myself and my time, energy into the family but it seems that all these years it has been a lot of fighting and he gets very angry, says some pretty mean things and he used to pack up and leave (perhaps it was better because he'd get very angry but it was extremely hurtful as i was left alone, no friends and unable to explain this stuff to family as i didn't want them to worry). after all this time, it's just a marriage full of resentment, insults, power games and no visible future. i know that he does care, at least i like to think so, but his anger is so great that he says extremely damaging things (the worst that he speaks to his friends and family here and they all say they hate me and that i manipulate and things like this) it's extra painful because he knows i have no one here and he knows i won't talk to my family about this. why worry them when they can do nothing so far away?!
needless to say, i also try to stay really calm to reason, talk to him but he gets so angry and blameful towards me that it is impossible. i don't try to manipulate him, i couldn't if i wanted i simply ask questions and try to understand why he would do /say the things he does. it's really confusing and i am so isolated. we tried counseling but it is very expensive and he can put a lovely face in front of others very different towards me at home. he is still lovely with my son, but i try to tell him that a good father treats the mother with love.
i don't know what else to do. part of me wants to work it out, there is a lot invested in our relationship including my son who really loves him and he loves my son. but. i feel like i never will trust his words and i never want to see or be around his friends or family as he has told them things i have no idea what or why they think this poorly of me, or even if he just says that to hurt me. then again, i can't be with someone who wants to hurt me so badly.
so just looking for a bit of help here. i am pretty much alone, i can't speak to coworkers here and any friends i have (2 closest) are friends of us both and i don't feel like i can speak with them...so i just exercise (it makes me feel better) take care of my son and work. waiting for each day to end. :(
my husband and i have been married almost 5 years. we moved almost immediately for a job of his is europe. it seemed fast but like a wonderful new experience and he love(d) my son (then 8 now 13) like his own.
long story short, i can here and learned a new language (his) and found a job and created a small business and my son blossomed, made friends learned languages,etc.
i put all of myself and my time, energy into the family but it seems that all these years it has been a lot of fighting and he gets very angry, says some pretty mean things and he used to pack up and leave (perhaps it was better because he'd get very angry but it was extremely hurtful as i was left alone, no friends and unable to explain this stuff to family as i didn't want them to worry). after all this time, it's just a marriage full of resentment, insults, power games and no visible future. i know that he does care, at least i like to think so, but his anger is so great that he says extremely damaging things (the worst that he speaks to his friends and family here and they all say they hate me and that i manipulate and things like this) it's extra painful because he knows i have no one here and he knows i won't talk to my family about this. why worry them when they can do nothing so far away?!
needless to say, i also try to stay really calm to reason, talk to him but he gets so angry and blameful towards me that it is impossible. i don't try to manipulate him, i couldn't if i wanted i simply ask questions and try to understand why he would do /say the things he does. it's really confusing and i am so isolated. we tried counseling but it is very expensive and he can put a lovely face in front of others very different towards me at home. he is still lovely with my son, but i try to tell him that a good father treats the mother with love.
i don't know what else to do. part of me wants to work it out, there is a lot invested in our relationship including my son who really loves him and he loves my son. but. i feel like i never will trust his words and i never want to see or be around his friends or family as he has told them things i have no idea what or why they think this poorly of me, or even if he just says that to hurt me. then again, i can't be with someone who wants to hurt me so badly.
so just looking for a bit of help here. i am pretty much alone, i can't speak to coworkers here and any friends i have (2 closest) are friends of us both and i don't feel like i can speak with them...so i just exercise (it makes me feel better) take care of my son and work. waiting for each day to end. :(
Put the internet to work for you.
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