Hi there Guys n Gals
Please, I need an honest evaluation. I have spoken to friends about this and they seem to agree with me but would also like an opinion of some people who have no emotional attachment to me. I will not exaggerate or lie. These are 2 things that I do not do and all of what I type is true. Please again, if you think that there is nothing wrong, please say.
Okay...
My wife and I separated 31/2 months ago and just this week I got a solicitors letter telling me that she is starting divorce proceedings. The reason she wanted to separate? She didn't love me any more. There is no one else. But I'll take you back.
When she was 2, her mother did exactly the same to her father. All through her childhood, she was made to feel a very distant second to her brother. This continued right up to when we split.
Her father would sometimes hit her and it got to the stage that when she was in her teens, she self harmed by cutting her own arm.
Fast forward to when we get together 15 years ago and she told me all this. She often told me and my parents that my own parents feel like better parents than her own father did. Many many times she would come home from seeing him both before our kids were born and after that her dad would pay no attention to her. He would often go and see his son who lived 35 miles away (we live 10 miles away) more and even go and see his daughter in law who lives 230 miles away more than they came to us. This used to hurt her so much but as I said to her, at the end of the day he is still her father.
She used to see how long it was before he would contact her and the longest she left it before she could not take it any more was 6 weeks. It was often broken by the fact that he wanted a hair cut.
So many times she would come home in tears and there were times she tried to tell him how she felt and he would just laugh or if he realized he had hurt her, promise to take her out which then never happened.
Fast forward and she is still being made to feel second best and she absolutely craves to attention of her father.
During our marriage, we unfortunately suffer 6 miscarriages. One before our eldest was born, then 3 more, then our youngest was born and then 2 more.
Its the last 2 that hit us. About a year ago, she was 3 months pregnant and we went for a scan to be told the baby died 2 weeks before. She chose to pass it at home which she did but she held the sack in her hand for about 10 minutes just looking at it for about 10 minutes before flushing it.
Last August we decided to try again and I did say that as I am coming up to 42, this for me would be the last try. Unfortunately we again lost it in October last year. When we lost it, that was it, she completely changed. Got massively into her exercise and while I understand this was to divert her mind, everything came second to her exercise.
Now she says she fell out of love with me back in October after the last miscarriage. She has also maintained that she can't have sex with someone who she is not in love with. Sex to her is a bond between 2 people who are in love yet we had sex many times between October and Feb 10th.
On Feb 10th, she went round to my mum and dads happy as anything, then she went into town to get some shopping and she was fine but then she bumped into a friend who she spoke to.
Her friend said herself that she was unhappy in a relationship, got out of it, met someone new and now she is really happy. I believe this friend told her how great life is now and my wife has always been a person to seek other peoples assurance. (Just after the separation, my wife was on her forum she went on and told them she is having doubts and all her efriends said nahh... screw him, see it through, be strong so she did).
On March 17th, I popped out for 30 mins and when I got back she had gone with my children. She then wrote to me via her solicitor saying I was physical to her. Now I can sit here (and I never play with fate) and swear on my childrens lives I have never ever raised a hand or anything to her.
Since then she has become so so nasty towards me. Wanting to blank me, not even communicating with me about the children or anything. There is to this day no one else, but 2 weeks ago, before she was due to go and see her solicitor, she went to do the hair of this friend she saw on Feb 10th and then suddenly I get notified that my wife has filed for divorce.
I have had solicitor letters saying that I mistreat the children, I have been physical to my wife, held under duress etc... all complete lies as when I reply back saying its complete rubbish with my reasons, nothing more is said..
I have been told by my solicitor that I have an excellent case for if I wanted to go for full custody but at the moment I am refusing that as the children need a mother but she is using the children against me.
The one thing that has come out of this is that she now has the full attention of her father who she has craved. but at what cost? She has acted to irrational and illogical.
I have been thinking PTSD or something as you are very angry with that and often sabotage relationships but I am open to anything else. Equally, if you think there is nothing, please say.
Thanks for reading and appreciate the feedback.
Please, I need an honest evaluation. I have spoken to friends about this and they seem to agree with me but would also like an opinion of some people who have no emotional attachment to me. I will not exaggerate or lie. These are 2 things that I do not do and all of what I type is true. Please again, if you think that there is nothing wrong, please say.
Okay...
My wife and I separated 31/2 months ago and just this week I got a solicitors letter telling me that she is starting divorce proceedings. The reason she wanted to separate? She didn't love me any more. There is no one else. But I'll take you back.
When she was 2, her mother did exactly the same to her father. All through her childhood, she was made to feel a very distant second to her brother. This continued right up to when we split.
Her father would sometimes hit her and it got to the stage that when she was in her teens, she self harmed by cutting her own arm.
Fast forward to when we get together 15 years ago and she told me all this. She often told me and my parents that my own parents feel like better parents than her own father did. Many many times she would come home from seeing him both before our kids were born and after that her dad would pay no attention to her. He would often go and see his son who lived 35 miles away (we live 10 miles away) more and even go and see his daughter in law who lives 230 miles away more than they came to us. This used to hurt her so much but as I said to her, at the end of the day he is still her father.
She used to see how long it was before he would contact her and the longest she left it before she could not take it any more was 6 weeks. It was often broken by the fact that he wanted a hair cut.
So many times she would come home in tears and there were times she tried to tell him how she felt and he would just laugh or if he realized he had hurt her, promise to take her out which then never happened.
Fast forward and she is still being made to feel second best and she absolutely craves to attention of her father.
During our marriage, we unfortunately suffer 6 miscarriages. One before our eldest was born, then 3 more, then our youngest was born and then 2 more.
Its the last 2 that hit us. About a year ago, she was 3 months pregnant and we went for a scan to be told the baby died 2 weeks before. She chose to pass it at home which she did but she held the sack in her hand for about 10 minutes just looking at it for about 10 minutes before flushing it.
Last August we decided to try again and I did say that as I am coming up to 42, this for me would be the last try. Unfortunately we again lost it in October last year. When we lost it, that was it, she completely changed. Got massively into her exercise and while I understand this was to divert her mind, everything came second to her exercise.
Now she says she fell out of love with me back in October after the last miscarriage. She has also maintained that she can't have sex with someone who she is not in love with. Sex to her is a bond between 2 people who are in love yet we had sex many times between October and Feb 10th.
On Feb 10th, she went round to my mum and dads happy as anything, then she went into town to get some shopping and she was fine but then she bumped into a friend who she spoke to.
Her friend said herself that she was unhappy in a relationship, got out of it, met someone new and now she is really happy. I believe this friend told her how great life is now and my wife has always been a person to seek other peoples assurance. (Just after the separation, my wife was on her forum she went on and told them she is having doubts and all her efriends said nahh... screw him, see it through, be strong so she did).
On March 17th, I popped out for 30 mins and when I got back she had gone with my children. She then wrote to me via her solicitor saying I was physical to her. Now I can sit here (and I never play with fate) and swear on my childrens lives I have never ever raised a hand or anything to her.
Since then she has become so so nasty towards me. Wanting to blank me, not even communicating with me about the children or anything. There is to this day no one else, but 2 weeks ago, before she was due to go and see her solicitor, she went to do the hair of this friend she saw on Feb 10th and then suddenly I get notified that my wife has filed for divorce.
I have had solicitor letters saying that I mistreat the children, I have been physical to my wife, held under duress etc... all complete lies as when I reply back saying its complete rubbish with my reasons, nothing more is said..
I have been told by my solicitor that I have an excellent case for if I wanted to go for full custody but at the moment I am refusing that as the children need a mother but she is using the children against me.
The one thing that has come out of this is that she now has the full attention of her father who she has craved. but at what cost? She has acted to irrational and illogical.
I have been thinking PTSD or something as you are very angry with that and often sabotage relationships but I am open to anything else. Equally, if you think there is nothing, please say.
Thanks for reading and appreciate the feedback.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment