I have been married 20 years and have children that are 15 and 16. I, like many new fathers, felt a bit displaced and missed the attention of my wife when the kids were born. I managed fairly well thinking that some day things would change but they have just gotten worse. I thought it was going to be my wife and I and the children and it is more like my wife and the children and me. My children basically do not socialize outside of school. They stay in their rooms on the computer till mom comes home and then generally spend the evening talking to her. She takes them shopping every Saturday. My kids have never been to the movies or a fast food restaurant without mom. I tried taking the kids to do stuff with little success because I feel they only wanted to be with mom. I tried going with them but always felt like I was just tagging along. My wife and I went many, many years without going on a date and would probably go for weeks without more that a five to ten minute conversation a day. A couple years ago I started to boil over and we began fighting about it. While she has made some effort she has also said things that are a bit hard to deal with. She said she is not my girlfriend and that I rely on her too much and I need to get my on life. She said that I was a bad father and compared me to animal fathers that eat their young. She has said that the kids will always come first. She has said that if I ever cheated on her she would leave me immediately. I haven't but my interpretation is that while I must always hold her and our marriage as first priority she will never do the same. I do not feel that we are talking about the kids needs against my wants. I feel ti is my needs against their wants. She has said she doesn't need anything from this relationship and their is something wrong with me if I do. While I would literally give my life for my kids, I am not happy about doing it figuratively. I believe if you asked her what the problem is she would say that I am not involved enough with the kids. I believe the real problem is that I have NO say in anything around here and also I think the kids have picked up on the fact that mom doesn't think I'm worth the time so they don't. I think she would also say my drinking is a problem. She would say that i'm in a good mood when I have a few drinks but a bad mood when I am "hungover". I am pretty much always upset about our situation but a few drinks generally helps me put on a smile, shove my feelings down deep and keep my mouth shut. I have nobody to talk too. I am SOOO lonely and don't know if I am being unfair. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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