I am in a terrible position right now, and do not know what to do. It's a long backstory, so please bear with me!
So I'm 20, in my third year of University, and am currently out of the UK studying abroad. Last Summer, a few weeks before left, this girl I had a crush on told me she liked me, however with other stuff going on though, nothing happened before me leaving to study abroad. She is housemates with my best friend since secondary school, and people had been saying he liked her for a while - he denied this many times, and I spoke to him about me potentially getting together with her and he seemed completely fine. However sadly, around about the same time he started binge drinking during the day, and depression started to creep in - he blamed it on exam stresses and a host of other reasons.
Whilst spending my first semester I spoke to this girl more and more, for hours every day, and we became very close. Around the same time my best friend became more and more reliant on alcohol, and the depression got worse. This was terrible to see and we all tried our best to help him - he continued to blame it on the last years exam results.
It was quite apparent I was going to get together with this girl when we got back, and I was keeping my best friend completely up to date. However, towards the end of the semester he came out and told me that he in fact did like her, and that all of this between me and her was contributing towards the drink and depression. However having practically set me up with her he said that she deserved me, and that he wanted us both to be happy - he did not want me to stop talking to her.
I took his word for it, and upon getting back to the UK for christmas proceeded to get together with this girl, and it really clicked - it feels like we have something special. Things moved pretty quickly, and we ended up having sex. However, the second time, at her uni house, with extremely thin walls I think I heard my best friend crying. This really hit me, although I have been told this is really not uncommon given the drinking and depression. The next few times we went to have sex I could not get it up, purely because I just could not get the thought of my best friend having to listen in out of my head.
I've spoken to her about him liking her before, and said I have suspicions. I just today told her that it's why I couldn't get it up, but never told her that he had already told me he likes her. They are very close, although she sees him purely as a friend, and refuses to believe he likes her like that. She told me she doesn't want to know even if he does like her, not to ruin their friendship (and to be honest I don't blame her, I'd rather I wasn't told!). I fear with just me knowing though it is going to end up tearing us apart (there has been several arguments over it already), but if I was to tell her it would just end up with me betraying my friend's trust. He's also said he doesn't want to tell her he likes her given all her exams coming up (despite telling me about a week before mine!).
I really don't know what to do, I feel like I am to blame for all this drinking and depression, but then I like her so so much - I cannot break up with her. She would never end up getting with him, and it would just be someone else he is getting depressed over (he has also told me the depression was already there, this was just a trigger to it getting worse). But then again me and my girlfriend are starting to argue over it already, it's going to tear us apart if it goes on with just me who knows. What do you think I should do?
So I'm 20, in my third year of University, and am currently out of the UK studying abroad. Last Summer, a few weeks before left, this girl I had a crush on told me she liked me, however with other stuff going on though, nothing happened before me leaving to study abroad. She is housemates with my best friend since secondary school, and people had been saying he liked her for a while - he denied this many times, and I spoke to him about me potentially getting together with her and he seemed completely fine. However sadly, around about the same time he started binge drinking during the day, and depression started to creep in - he blamed it on exam stresses and a host of other reasons.
Whilst spending my first semester I spoke to this girl more and more, for hours every day, and we became very close. Around the same time my best friend became more and more reliant on alcohol, and the depression got worse. This was terrible to see and we all tried our best to help him - he continued to blame it on the last years exam results.
It was quite apparent I was going to get together with this girl when we got back, and I was keeping my best friend completely up to date. However, towards the end of the semester he came out and told me that he in fact did like her, and that all of this between me and her was contributing towards the drink and depression. However having practically set me up with her he said that she deserved me, and that he wanted us both to be happy - he did not want me to stop talking to her.
I took his word for it, and upon getting back to the UK for christmas proceeded to get together with this girl, and it really clicked - it feels like we have something special. Things moved pretty quickly, and we ended up having sex. However, the second time, at her uni house, with extremely thin walls I think I heard my best friend crying. This really hit me, although I have been told this is really not uncommon given the drinking and depression. The next few times we went to have sex I could not get it up, purely because I just could not get the thought of my best friend having to listen in out of my head.
I've spoken to her about him liking her before, and said I have suspicions. I just today told her that it's why I couldn't get it up, but never told her that he had already told me he likes her. They are very close, although she sees him purely as a friend, and refuses to believe he likes her like that. She told me she doesn't want to know even if he does like her, not to ruin their friendship (and to be honest I don't blame her, I'd rather I wasn't told!). I fear with just me knowing though it is going to end up tearing us apart (there has been several arguments over it already), but if I was to tell her it would just end up with me betraying my friend's trust. He's also said he doesn't want to tell her he likes her given all her exams coming up (despite telling me about a week before mine!).
I really don't know what to do, I feel like I am to blame for all this drinking and depression, but then I like her so so much - I cannot break up with her. She would never end up getting with him, and it would just be someone else he is getting depressed over (he has also told me the depression was already there, this was just a trigger to it getting worse). But then again me and my girlfriend are starting to argue over it already, it's going to tear us apart if it goes on with just me who knows. What do you think I should do?
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