Okay, this is probably rather convoluted, so bear with me! (and although I am using my wife and ex wife as examples, I'm not looking for advice on either, I'm just curious as to what others think on the subject).
Okay, so neither my ex wife nor my current wife fall into the category of providing sexual acts unless it's part of actual sex. ie. no bj's outside of sex, and vice versa. With either of them, any sexual act had/has to be part of mutual sex.
I got/get bj's, and returned the favor, however 99.9% of the time, it's part of piv sex as a whole (which is fine!)
I'm wondering what the psychology behind this is, as women.
I have chatted with my current wife about this, but not gleaned any hard information as to why she isn't into "just" a bj, or for me to give her "just" oral sex (which I am more than happy to do). To her, these things are PART of actual sex.
Both my ex wife and current wife are what you call highly independent women - now. Both of them had similar past sexual experiences (ons, casual sex, etc. and I learned from my ex wife early on that she had a number of partners that she blew and nothing else.)
It seems as though by the time I came along, they each had decided that this was degrading to them, and they felt that they were being used. My ex wife never hinted at that, but it seemed apparent.
My current wife never said that directly, but her words (and subsequent actions!), as well as body language when speaking about this topic indicated this as well. Not only that, but she intimated that her previous ex, right before me, was a selfish lover, and that it generally was over before she even got going. She was lucky if she was able to get off even once before he was done. And when he was done... he was done. He wouldn't do anything to get her off. So of course she felt rather used.
So in both cases, it is extremely rare for me to receive anything without reciprocation being expected. ie. bj as only foreplay. I am fine with this, I really am. But of course, like any man, I would be thrilled to just be given one for no reason, without asking, hinting, or knowing that I have to return the favor immediately.
I have told my wife that I would be more than happy to provide her the same if she ever wants it. I have tried to just do it for her, but she resists, or if I manage to get that far in the first place, I'm practically forced to have piv, which sometimes I'm just not in the mood for, or energetic enough to do. I've told her point blank, this is all I want to do, you don't have to return the favor, just relax and enjoy. But the few times I've got to that point, it's too late, and it's clear she's not going to enjoy it. ONCE, I finished her off, then tried to go to bed. She made a move to return the favor, and I told her straight up that wasn't necessary. I appreciate it, but I just want to go to bed. She was having none of it, and I got mine - but I felt she was doing it because she thought she had to. The score had to be evened. Therefore, it didn't exactly blow my mind...
So the psychology aspect:
What makes unreciprocated oral sex such a turn off for some women, and why do some of you feel "used" by it?
As a man, I have heard the vulnerability argument from some women before. But, I've always thought that it's we guys who in the vulnerable position - our most prized possession is in your mouth! :p We, at that moment, have very little control of what's going on. YOU are in control!
Does past history have THAT much of an impact on whether or not one is comfortable with this or not? And why?
I can sort of understand how if, say, my ex wife had a number of guys in her past who were the type to say "hey baby, blow me" or whatever, how that can be made into a turn off. But if your current partner is not that type of person, why are the feelings the same as if they were?
As far as my current wife is concerned (just to give some more details), I am confident that our sex life is not at all what she's ever had in the past. She has had more partners than I, but she's made it clear (without saying so directly), that she is having the best sex of her life with me. She has told me that it was rare to have more than one O during sex. She has said that on occasions (esp. with her last partner) she wouldn't even have one. With me, she's multi orgasmic every time. She's said she's never had a partner who gave her oral sex long enough to O, if she even got it at all. She's never squirted before me.
I also get the impression that her past sex has always been quick, as she is still not used to anything longer than 20-30 minutes. I tire her out. She's been conditioned for 5-10 minutes, it appears, lol!
Thoughts?
(not on MY situation, I'm happy! I mean in general, in regards to women who find this type of thing degrading or a form of servicing).
Okay, so neither my ex wife nor my current wife fall into the category of providing sexual acts unless it's part of actual sex. ie. no bj's outside of sex, and vice versa. With either of them, any sexual act had/has to be part of mutual sex.
I got/get bj's, and returned the favor, however 99.9% of the time, it's part of piv sex as a whole (which is fine!)
I'm wondering what the psychology behind this is, as women.
I have chatted with my current wife about this, but not gleaned any hard information as to why she isn't into "just" a bj, or for me to give her "just" oral sex (which I am more than happy to do). To her, these things are PART of actual sex.
Both my ex wife and current wife are what you call highly independent women - now. Both of them had similar past sexual experiences (ons, casual sex, etc. and I learned from my ex wife early on that she had a number of partners that she blew and nothing else.)
It seems as though by the time I came along, they each had decided that this was degrading to them, and they felt that they were being used. My ex wife never hinted at that, but it seemed apparent.
My current wife never said that directly, but her words (and subsequent actions!), as well as body language when speaking about this topic indicated this as well. Not only that, but she intimated that her previous ex, right before me, was a selfish lover, and that it generally was over before she even got going. She was lucky if she was able to get off even once before he was done. And when he was done... he was done. He wouldn't do anything to get her off. So of course she felt rather used.
So in both cases, it is extremely rare for me to receive anything without reciprocation being expected. ie. bj as only foreplay. I am fine with this, I really am. But of course, like any man, I would be thrilled to just be given one for no reason, without asking, hinting, or knowing that I have to return the favor immediately.
I have told my wife that I would be more than happy to provide her the same if she ever wants it. I have tried to just do it for her, but she resists, or if I manage to get that far in the first place, I'm practically forced to have piv, which sometimes I'm just not in the mood for, or energetic enough to do. I've told her point blank, this is all I want to do, you don't have to return the favor, just relax and enjoy. But the few times I've got to that point, it's too late, and it's clear she's not going to enjoy it. ONCE, I finished her off, then tried to go to bed. She made a move to return the favor, and I told her straight up that wasn't necessary. I appreciate it, but I just want to go to bed. She was having none of it, and I got mine - but I felt she was doing it because she thought she had to. The score had to be evened. Therefore, it didn't exactly blow my mind...
So the psychology aspect:
What makes unreciprocated oral sex such a turn off for some women, and why do some of you feel "used" by it?
As a man, I have heard the vulnerability argument from some women before. But, I've always thought that it's we guys who in the vulnerable position - our most prized possession is in your mouth! :p We, at that moment, have very little control of what's going on. YOU are in control!
Does past history have THAT much of an impact on whether or not one is comfortable with this or not? And why?
I can sort of understand how if, say, my ex wife had a number of guys in her past who were the type to say "hey baby, blow me" or whatever, how that can be made into a turn off. But if your current partner is not that type of person, why are the feelings the same as if they were?
As far as my current wife is concerned (just to give some more details), I am confident that our sex life is not at all what she's ever had in the past. She has had more partners than I, but she's made it clear (without saying so directly), that she is having the best sex of her life with me. She has told me that it was rare to have more than one O during sex. She has said that on occasions (esp. with her last partner) she wouldn't even have one. With me, she's multi orgasmic every time. She's said she's never had a partner who gave her oral sex long enough to O, if she even got it at all. She's never squirted before me.
I also get the impression that her past sex has always been quick, as she is still not used to anything longer than 20-30 minutes. I tire her out. She's been conditioned for 5-10 minutes, it appears, lol!
Thoughts?
(not on MY situation, I'm happy! I mean in general, in regards to women who find this type of thing degrading or a form of servicing).
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