Through almost all of senior school, up unitl the age of 17, I was what most people would call physically unattractive: I was short, I had bad skin and I wore brances. Throughout this period of my life not one girl showed the remotist of interest in me, and on the few occassions I summoned the courage to approach them I was mercilessly shot down. One instance that seems like it'll stay raw for the rest of my life, was when I asked a girl if she would like to go to the school prom with me. In front of about 5 of her friends her response was "eww nooooo". As you can imagine the story was soon being told around the whole school and, needless to say, I didn't end up going to my prom.
5 years later, at the age of 23, I'm now considered by most people to be attractive: my braces are gone, my skin is all cleared up and I've grown to be about 6 ft 2. I consequently get approached a lot, but rather than enjoying my new found popularity, I find myself deliberately trying to hurt them. I'll tell them whatever I think it is they want to hear, sleep with them, and then drop them like a snotty tissue. I justify this to myself by reminding myself how girls treated me. How they're all just shallow, self interested, judgemental, compassionless and spiteful. Why shouldn't I treat them with the same cold heartlessness as they did me? What goes around comes around and all that.
However, I realise that this is a childish and vindictive way to behave, and I want to change. My question is therefore how can I let go of the anger and bitterness that has remained with me ever since my school days?
TL;DR Due to previous bad expereinces I hate women, but I want to stop hating them. How do I do this?
5 years later, at the age of 23, I'm now considered by most people to be attractive: my braces are gone, my skin is all cleared up and I've grown to be about 6 ft 2. I consequently get approached a lot, but rather than enjoying my new found popularity, I find myself deliberately trying to hurt them. I'll tell them whatever I think it is they want to hear, sleep with them, and then drop them like a snotty tissue. I justify this to myself by reminding myself how girls treated me. How they're all just shallow, self interested, judgemental, compassionless and spiteful. Why shouldn't I treat them with the same cold heartlessness as they did me? What goes around comes around and all that.
However, I realise that this is a childish and vindictive way to behave, and I want to change. My question is therefore how can I let go of the anger and bitterness that has remained with me ever since my school days?
TL;DR Due to previous bad expereinces I hate women, but I want to stop hating them. How do I do this?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment