I am in desperate need of some outside opinions on whether I am being overly possessive or if my wife is being unfair.
Background: my wife and I are going through a rough patch right now. We have been married less than two years and she just went back to school. She has been extremely busy and when she isn't working, she is socializing with her classmates. I join in when I can and when she invites me, but she has been prioritizing hanging with her classmates more and more since school has begun. She also became really close to a male friend and has been spending a lot of time with him, though she claims never alone. We had been fighting constantly over a number of things for about a month or so until recently things have started to get a bit better after a series of difficult talks.
Current Issue: One of the major things we have argued about is her spring break plans. Essentially, she came to me one day and said she was going to go to Africa for 10 days on a group trip with school (which has nothing do with her education - it is just a spring break trip) with about 35 other people in the spring. She didn't invite me initially, didn't really want to have any discussion about it; she just told me that was what she was doing. I asked if partners were able to go and she told me that they could go if there were spots open but it was highly unlikely. She also told me she wouldn't want me to go if I were going to be the only spouse "tagging along." There were probably other trips where spouses could get in but she never really divulged any information about that - she was set on this one trip from the start. She did agree not to go on the same trip as the close male friend after I told her that would bother me, but I was still hurt pretty badly.
We have always loved traveling together, our wedding was travel themed but she was adamant about going by herself. The thing is we really have not gotten to spend much time together over the past few months. Her schedule is full and mine is getting very busy. It seems like almost anytime she gets a free moment she chooses to hang out with her school friends and not me. Recently, she has working on making me more of a priority but I am really pretty upset about this trip. I want to trust her but she can get pretty unreliable and prone to treating me pretty poorly when she is drunk (I don't think she has cheated but I worry about it a lot). We are both working on things but this trip is really worrying me already and it is still a few months away. I just feel like she is going to do what she wants there and that she feels like what I don't know won't hurt me. I am unsure how to handle it. I have already told her I would like to go somewhere with her but she just told m e I need to let her do her own thing (she says she let me do my own thing before we were married). I can't tell her she can't go because then I am just controlling and she wouldn't have it. I am confused and don't really know what to think at this point. Advice is greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
Background: my wife and I are going through a rough patch right now. We have been married less than two years and she just went back to school. She has been extremely busy and when she isn't working, she is socializing with her classmates. I join in when I can and when she invites me, but she has been prioritizing hanging with her classmates more and more since school has begun. She also became really close to a male friend and has been spending a lot of time with him, though she claims never alone. We had been fighting constantly over a number of things for about a month or so until recently things have started to get a bit better after a series of difficult talks.
Current Issue: One of the major things we have argued about is her spring break plans. Essentially, she came to me one day and said she was going to go to Africa for 10 days on a group trip with school (which has nothing do with her education - it is just a spring break trip) with about 35 other people in the spring. She didn't invite me initially, didn't really want to have any discussion about it; she just told me that was what she was doing. I asked if partners were able to go and she told me that they could go if there were spots open but it was highly unlikely. She also told me she wouldn't want me to go if I were going to be the only spouse "tagging along." There were probably other trips where spouses could get in but she never really divulged any information about that - she was set on this one trip from the start. She did agree not to go on the same trip as the close male friend after I told her that would bother me, but I was still hurt pretty badly.
We have always loved traveling together, our wedding was travel themed but she was adamant about going by herself. The thing is we really have not gotten to spend much time together over the past few months. Her schedule is full and mine is getting very busy. It seems like almost anytime she gets a free moment she chooses to hang out with her school friends and not me. Recently, she has working on making me more of a priority but I am really pretty upset about this trip. I want to trust her but she can get pretty unreliable and prone to treating me pretty poorly when she is drunk (I don't think she has cheated but I worry about it a lot). We are both working on things but this trip is really worrying me already and it is still a few months away. I just feel like she is going to do what she wants there and that she feels like what I don't know won't hurt me. I am unsure how to handle it. I have already told her I would like to go somewhere with her but she just told m e I need to let her do her own thing (she says she let me do my own thing before we were married). I can't tell her she can't go because then I am just controlling and she wouldn't have it. I am confused and don't really know what to think at this point. Advice is greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
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