This is the first time I have ever posted anywhere for outside opinions and/or help. I don't want to be long winded because I want people to actually read this.
I will try to say a lot quickly. Okay. Our marriage is reaching the 25 year mark in December. We have four children. Two dependent, two old enough to be non-dependent but still look to us for some things. Husband is an alcoholic. He was when I married him. Back then, I just didn't see it as anything bad. But alcoholism progresses, and as many A do, I take the brunt of blame for his problem.
I have worked the same job since we have lived in this state (14 years). I am a waitress at a small restaurant, but manage to make enough to basically support the family. Husband works as self- employed and does contribute, but nearly all the money comes from my job.
Here's the thing. During my five nights of work, my husband was "sitting alone" (even though the two youngest children are at home) "lonely, with nothing to do but drink and listen to crappy music." During much of this time, he would concoct things in his head. Why was I doing this to him? Why was I leaving him miserable when he hates this place and my job so much? He even believed that something at my job was preventing me from leaving it, so suddenly, the boss and I are having a lesbian affair and I am in love with her. He would confront me with some of the most despicable thoughts when I got home from work. He was obviously drunk as he would text me all night. I have received plenty of verbal abuse over the years and some of it was directed towards the children also. So basically one terrible night, he planned on a fight when I returned from work. Things escalated quickly, so after threatening to call the police so many times but never doing it out of fear, I dialed 911 and didn't say anything because I knew they would come. He was arrested in the home for assault on a female. It's not over yet (two postponements so far) because he admitted he had a problem and what they want is for him to seek treatment. He had an assessment from an alcohol counselor (who basically told him that if he is not happy here to change it or things would never change). Then went to two AA meetings and a 3 day rapid detox and left AMA. They wanted him to do the 28 day detox. I think the courts would have like that too.
Well, the day after detox, we fought. He left the home and went to his brother's home 30 miles away, our first separation ever during this entire marriage. We fought via text and phone calls and then decided that we should try to fix things since we were married before the eyes of God. We had a date alone at his brothers. It was good and bad. I know he likes to be there because no one there will ever say anything to him about his drinking. He feels like he isn't the only one that needs to change. He feels like if he gives up alcohol then I should also give up something to please him. Basically he has given me an ultimatum. He wants me to leave my job and my home. Okay. Well, how do you do that without money to move on, or a place to move to, or a job that would pay even half of what I make now.
Feel free to address absolutely anything from this that you derive. I need emotional help. I know about AL Anon but have not attended. Thanks in advance for your responses.
Summertrek
I will try to say a lot quickly. Okay. Our marriage is reaching the 25 year mark in December. We have four children. Two dependent, two old enough to be non-dependent but still look to us for some things. Husband is an alcoholic. He was when I married him. Back then, I just didn't see it as anything bad. But alcoholism progresses, and as many A do, I take the brunt of blame for his problem.
I have worked the same job since we have lived in this state (14 years). I am a waitress at a small restaurant, but manage to make enough to basically support the family. Husband works as self- employed and does contribute, but nearly all the money comes from my job.
Here's the thing. During my five nights of work, my husband was "sitting alone" (even though the two youngest children are at home) "lonely, with nothing to do but drink and listen to crappy music." During much of this time, he would concoct things in his head. Why was I doing this to him? Why was I leaving him miserable when he hates this place and my job so much? He even believed that something at my job was preventing me from leaving it, so suddenly, the boss and I are having a lesbian affair and I am in love with her. He would confront me with some of the most despicable thoughts when I got home from work. He was obviously drunk as he would text me all night. I have received plenty of verbal abuse over the years and some of it was directed towards the children also. So basically one terrible night, he planned on a fight when I returned from work. Things escalated quickly, so after threatening to call the police so many times but never doing it out of fear, I dialed 911 and didn't say anything because I knew they would come. He was arrested in the home for assault on a female. It's not over yet (two postponements so far) because he admitted he had a problem and what they want is for him to seek treatment. He had an assessment from an alcohol counselor (who basically told him that if he is not happy here to change it or things would never change). Then went to two AA meetings and a 3 day rapid detox and left AMA. They wanted him to do the 28 day detox. I think the courts would have like that too.
Well, the day after detox, we fought. He left the home and went to his brother's home 30 miles away, our first separation ever during this entire marriage. We fought via text and phone calls and then decided that we should try to fix things since we were married before the eyes of God. We had a date alone at his brothers. It was good and bad. I know he likes to be there because no one there will ever say anything to him about his drinking. He feels like he isn't the only one that needs to change. He feels like if he gives up alcohol then I should also give up something to please him. Basically he has given me an ultimatum. He wants me to leave my job and my home. Okay. Well, how do you do that without money to move on, or a place to move to, or a job that would pay even half of what I make now.
Feel free to address absolutely anything from this that you derive. I need emotional help. I know about AL Anon but have not attended. Thanks in advance for your responses.
Summertrek
Put the internet to work for you.
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