Okay, so my wife is not a great communicator. We've been working on it, and we talked a bit last night, particularly about our sex life. Typically, we're doing it 2-4 times a month and it's usually the same days, though it's not scheduled, per se. I'm okay with the amount - just okay, though, not thrilled. I can live with it, because the sex is good to great.
So at one point in the conversation, I let her know that I would like a more unscheduled sex life. I told her exactly how I felt, in that, even though the actual sex is good, there's no build-up or anticipation, or excitement beforehand. We both know when it's coming, and there's no "before foreplay, foreplay", if that makes sense. She agrees. However, when I ask her for suggestions, she has none. I tell her that over the years I have tried (and still try) to get her in the mood outside of our "unscheduled scheduled times", and the response is always the same - Not right now. Maybe later (never happens). Too tired, are you kidding me, long day at work, getting up early, etc etc etc.
I point out that this doesn't help, and if she's not thrilled about the current arrangements, yet is still only limiting it to these times, then what on earth am *I* supposed to do? She has no suggestions, other than (wait for it!):
"The sex doesn't always have to be so long. If it was shorter sometimes, I'd probably want it more often".
Whaaaaaa?
I asked her if she was actually enjoying it, when it happens, and her answer was yes. (she O's multiple times, every time we have sex). She then tells me (and this was news to me, after 5 years) that she always had trouble having even one in the past, with other partners. This makes me feel good, but also very confused!
So, I say, the sex is apparently better than you've had in the past, you can O no problem, several times per session, we only do it once a week, or less, and you want it to be shorter?
I don't get it. I've always thought stamina in the bedroom was a GOOD thing? I thought paying attention to your woman, ensuring she's well taken care of, was a good thing?
But she's adamant that if we have shorter sessions, she'd want it more often. FWIW, our sessions aren't usually more than 1/2 an hour, anyway, sometimes 20 minutes, from start to finish. It's not like these are all night things.
I'm very confused. My first thoughts were that she's grasping at straws here, telling me something, anything, to show that she's communicating. To agree that she's not thrilled with the "regular" schedule, yet is not at all interested in my advances (and does not make advances on me) outside of our schedule, is hypocritical. So to throw out something like it needs to be shorter, therefore I'd want it more often, almost sounds like a spur of the moment "suggestion" just to show she's "communicating".
Otherwise, I know you women are notoriously difficult to figure out, and I'm at a loss here. I guess I'll try this suggestion of hers and see where that goes... I'm almost just tempted to make it 5 minutes long each time for the next dozen or so times, and see how thrilled she is with that... See if she makes any advances outside of these regular dates. And after a month or so of "wham bam, thank you ma'am" sex, see if she is open to my advances.
I don't hold out hope, though. She (like many other wives here!) tends to "forget" these conversations and not end up working on even their own suggestions, after the fact. Basically leaving it up to me to pick up the slack... sigh
So at one point in the conversation, I let her know that I would like a more unscheduled sex life. I told her exactly how I felt, in that, even though the actual sex is good, there's no build-up or anticipation, or excitement beforehand. We both know when it's coming, and there's no "before foreplay, foreplay", if that makes sense. She agrees. However, when I ask her for suggestions, she has none. I tell her that over the years I have tried (and still try) to get her in the mood outside of our "unscheduled scheduled times", and the response is always the same - Not right now. Maybe later (never happens). Too tired, are you kidding me, long day at work, getting up early, etc etc etc.
I point out that this doesn't help, and if she's not thrilled about the current arrangements, yet is still only limiting it to these times, then what on earth am *I* supposed to do? She has no suggestions, other than (wait for it!):
"The sex doesn't always have to be so long. If it was shorter sometimes, I'd probably want it more often".
Whaaaaaa?
I asked her if she was actually enjoying it, when it happens, and her answer was yes. (she O's multiple times, every time we have sex). She then tells me (and this was news to me, after 5 years) that she always had trouble having even one in the past, with other partners. This makes me feel good, but also very confused!
So, I say, the sex is apparently better than you've had in the past, you can O no problem, several times per session, we only do it once a week, or less, and you want it to be shorter?
I don't get it. I've always thought stamina in the bedroom was a GOOD thing? I thought paying attention to your woman, ensuring she's well taken care of, was a good thing?
But she's adamant that if we have shorter sessions, she'd want it more often. FWIW, our sessions aren't usually more than 1/2 an hour, anyway, sometimes 20 minutes, from start to finish. It's not like these are all night things.
I'm very confused. My first thoughts were that she's grasping at straws here, telling me something, anything, to show that she's communicating. To agree that she's not thrilled with the "regular" schedule, yet is not at all interested in my advances (and does not make advances on me) outside of our schedule, is hypocritical. So to throw out something like it needs to be shorter, therefore I'd want it more often, almost sounds like a spur of the moment "suggestion" just to show she's "communicating".
Otherwise, I know you women are notoriously difficult to figure out, and I'm at a loss here. I guess I'll try this suggestion of hers and see where that goes... I'm almost just tempted to make it 5 minutes long each time for the next dozen or so times, and see how thrilled she is with that... See if she makes any advances outside of these regular dates. And after a month or so of "wham bam, thank you ma'am" sex, see if she is open to my advances.
I don't hold out hope, though. She (like many other wives here!) tends to "forget" these conversations and not end up working on even their own suggestions, after the fact. Basically leaving it up to me to pick up the slack... sigh
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