This is not a question about our marriage, but about our youngest son. I hope this is the right place?
Our son is 20, and has been going out with his 18 year old girlfriend for nearly 18 months.
She seems a very strange girl, and barely talks to us at all. We are a very open family with three children, and we all try our best to include her in conversations, but at best we only get a one or two word reply. Our son also seems nervous of talking to us when she is around, as she displays severe mood swings if she doesn't like what is being said; whether or not it involves her. This makes long car journeys unpleasant, whilst meal times are thoroughly awkward. We always make a point of thanking and complimenting whoever cooked the meal, but she just sits there staring at the table and says nothing.
Our son says that she is shy, but after 18 months it seems more like rudeness to us.
Unfortunately we don't really know what she likes or doesn't like because she refuses to talk to us. However, our son has told us that she doesn't like to hear people talking about politics that she doesn't agree with, about cars or machines, food, medicine, things she doesn't understand and various other topics.
However, our main concern is with her constant attention seeking, claiming to have endless allergies, conditions, 'issues' and so forth; most of which we strongly suspect are fake. Likewise she has an asthma inhaler that comes out whenever she wants sympathy, and feigns being short of breath. We have also had faints on several occasions.
She claims to be supremely happy in her relationship with our son, but every day she posts something on Facebook telling the world how miserable she feels, what a bad day she is having, how she has had numerous nightmares or panic attacks during the night, how tired or suicidal she feels and so forth, although none of her 300 + 'Facebook friends' ever responds. We wonder why? Do they know her better?
She also claims that she is (in her words) 'rubbish at everything' and that she doesn't have any friends, although she is regularly invited out to parties.
We all went out for a family meal together with grandparents before our son and his girlfriend went off to their respective universities, but she refused to eat anything from the menus, and sat with just a plate of chips (fries) in front of her, barely speaking to anyone for a whole hour.
Our son denies it, but he is clearly terrified of picking her up late, whilst she changes arrangements at her end by the minute. He often has to drop everything and drive over to see her because she has phoned him in a flood of tears about something or another, while it has become impossible for us to arrange anything because we never know when our son will be called.
We never know whether she is staying for tea until it actually happens, whilst catering for her whims and allergies is a nightmare. We were told, for example, at one meal out that she cannot eat pizza because she is lactose intolerant, but then she asked for a Latte afterwards!
When she stays over here she rarely gets up before noon, and any plans of them going out or doing anything just seem to crumble as she either isn't in the mood, doesn't feel like it, feels too tired or whatever. We find she is just energy sapping to be with.
We have tried to discuss our concerns with our son, and have told him that he will live a very restricted life with her on a very limited diet, but he cannot accept that there is a problem, or explains it away by saying that 'she was having a bad day' (which seems to be almost every day of the week).
We really cannot see that they will live happily together for very long, but she has said that she was suicidal before she met our son, and has threatened to take her own life if she cannot have him. We think he is just too caring to say 'no' to her, or tell her the truth.
What on earth can we do to make him see sense before it is too late? Like most parents we just want our children to be happy.
Our son is 20, and has been going out with his 18 year old girlfriend for nearly 18 months.
She seems a very strange girl, and barely talks to us at all. We are a very open family with three children, and we all try our best to include her in conversations, but at best we only get a one or two word reply. Our son also seems nervous of talking to us when she is around, as she displays severe mood swings if she doesn't like what is being said; whether or not it involves her. This makes long car journeys unpleasant, whilst meal times are thoroughly awkward. We always make a point of thanking and complimenting whoever cooked the meal, but she just sits there staring at the table and says nothing.
Our son says that she is shy, but after 18 months it seems more like rudeness to us.
Unfortunately we don't really know what she likes or doesn't like because she refuses to talk to us. However, our son has told us that she doesn't like to hear people talking about politics that she doesn't agree with, about cars or machines, food, medicine, things she doesn't understand and various other topics.
However, our main concern is with her constant attention seeking, claiming to have endless allergies, conditions, 'issues' and so forth; most of which we strongly suspect are fake. Likewise she has an asthma inhaler that comes out whenever she wants sympathy, and feigns being short of breath. We have also had faints on several occasions.
She claims to be supremely happy in her relationship with our son, but every day she posts something on Facebook telling the world how miserable she feels, what a bad day she is having, how she has had numerous nightmares or panic attacks during the night, how tired or suicidal she feels and so forth, although none of her 300 + 'Facebook friends' ever responds. We wonder why? Do they know her better?
She also claims that she is (in her words) 'rubbish at everything' and that she doesn't have any friends, although she is regularly invited out to parties.
We all went out for a family meal together with grandparents before our son and his girlfriend went off to their respective universities, but she refused to eat anything from the menus, and sat with just a plate of chips (fries) in front of her, barely speaking to anyone for a whole hour.
Our son denies it, but he is clearly terrified of picking her up late, whilst she changes arrangements at her end by the minute. He often has to drop everything and drive over to see her because she has phoned him in a flood of tears about something or another, while it has become impossible for us to arrange anything because we never know when our son will be called.
We never know whether she is staying for tea until it actually happens, whilst catering for her whims and allergies is a nightmare. We were told, for example, at one meal out that she cannot eat pizza because she is lactose intolerant, but then she asked for a Latte afterwards!
When she stays over here she rarely gets up before noon, and any plans of them going out or doing anything just seem to crumble as she either isn't in the mood, doesn't feel like it, feels too tired or whatever. We find she is just energy sapping to be with.
We have tried to discuss our concerns with our son, and have told him that he will live a very restricted life with her on a very limited diet, but he cannot accept that there is a problem, or explains it away by saying that 'she was having a bad day' (which seems to be almost every day of the week).
We really cannot see that they will live happily together for very long, but she has said that she was suicidal before she met our son, and has threatened to take her own life if she cannot have him. We think he is just too caring to say 'no' to her, or tell her the truth.
What on earth can we do to make him see sense before it is too late? Like most parents we just want our children to be happy.
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