Hello ,
Some of you know me as I've been here for almost 2.5 yrs trying to make sense of this twisted world of infidelity that I unwilling found myself in.
A little background. I was in a long term marriage, would be 32 yrs, had hubs not had an affair for app. 18 months, which 10 month was physical.
Its been a battle since d-day, as I knew my marriage was forever changed that very second.
First 6 months were pure hell and I asked my husband to move away,(( he job makes this work)) . So we've been living apart now for about 2 years. I dont work , nor have worked in 32 yrs.
I have been living in limbo for 2.5 yrs, and am wondering , is this normal???? I know we all grieve differently, but I am so confused. How do you know what long term marriages are made of and what they arent ?
My husband has managed to turn this all around, and I am the one questioning so much, as he presents and says things to me as, this is , "bad times", in "good times & bad", or, "he realizes how little value he was to me in our marriage now" , or " how little our love was worth , because i didnt fight for him" .... I'm the one who should understand why he had an affair .I feel he feels like he had a "good guy" affair , so its more acceptable!
He'e been very remorseful , I will give him credit for that , but the chemistry I once felt is gone. I have male friends I can laugh with, have a good time with . Thats gone w my husband now. But he doesnt get it , because he keeps saying to how much he loves me , and the affair had nothing to do w me , it had everything to do with him . And I say , I understand that ! I get it ! Grrrrrrr !
But I've come to question myself, my conviction, my valves, as here is this man I loved very much for 29 yrs before d-day & everything changed over night ! How is this possible , bc when I see for the past 2 yrs, this guy believes to no end ,"our story is not finished!"... "We will get thur this!" "I know you love me still". How do I know what is co dependent, or not, as we have been together for so long, to what is real, to what may be fear ?
I find its not so much the affair at all any longer,but the journey that this world set one in . It has made me question everything I've ever stood for, and in the people I've believed in .
But I'm wondering , I know there must be others out there that share these thoughts too ? Are there others still in limbo this long out ??? What am I doing wrong ? I want predictability back in my life somewhat .
And yes , we've done mc, ic , wasn't successful as there was too much emotion going on . We've both suggested going back as well as suggested to date others recently ... Mainly because he tells me over and over he deserves to be loved, and I have told him I cant love him the way he wants any longer, its changed . So I told him maybe he should ....
So this is my story to date, if anyone cares to offer advise I would really appreciate it , as limbo isn't a fun place to be...
~sammy
Some of you know me as I've been here for almost 2.5 yrs trying to make sense of this twisted world of infidelity that I unwilling found myself in.
A little background. I was in a long term marriage, would be 32 yrs, had hubs not had an affair for app. 18 months, which 10 month was physical.
Its been a battle since d-day, as I knew my marriage was forever changed that very second.
First 6 months were pure hell and I asked my husband to move away,(( he job makes this work)) . So we've been living apart now for about 2 years. I dont work , nor have worked in 32 yrs.
I have been living in limbo for 2.5 yrs, and am wondering , is this normal???? I know we all grieve differently, but I am so confused. How do you know what long term marriages are made of and what they arent ?
My husband has managed to turn this all around, and I am the one questioning so much, as he presents and says things to me as, this is , "bad times", in "good times & bad", or, "he realizes how little value he was to me in our marriage now" , or " how little our love was worth , because i didnt fight for him" .... I'm the one who should understand why he had an affair .I feel he feels like he had a "good guy" affair , so its more acceptable!
He'e been very remorseful , I will give him credit for that , but the chemistry I once felt is gone. I have male friends I can laugh with, have a good time with . Thats gone w my husband now. But he doesnt get it , because he keeps saying to how much he loves me , and the affair had nothing to do w me , it had everything to do with him . And I say , I understand that ! I get it ! Grrrrrrr !
But I've come to question myself, my conviction, my valves, as here is this man I loved very much for 29 yrs before d-day & everything changed over night ! How is this possible , bc when I see for the past 2 yrs, this guy believes to no end ,"our story is not finished!"... "We will get thur this!" "I know you love me still". How do I know what is co dependent, or not, as we have been together for so long, to what is real, to what may be fear ?
I find its not so much the affair at all any longer,but the journey that this world set one in . It has made me question everything I've ever stood for, and in the people I've believed in .
But I'm wondering , I know there must be others out there that share these thoughts too ? Are there others still in limbo this long out ??? What am I doing wrong ? I want predictability back in my life somewhat .
And yes , we've done mc, ic , wasn't successful as there was too much emotion going on . We've both suggested going back as well as suggested to date others recently ... Mainly because he tells me over and over he deserves to be loved, and I have told him I cant love him the way he wants any longer, its changed . So I told him maybe he should ....
So this is my story to date, if anyone cares to offer advise I would really appreciate it , as limbo isn't a fun place to be...
~sammy
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