This was today's post in the Washington Post's advice column. The comment section over there is polarizing on this situation. I am going to post it below (the article). What do you guys think?
Carolyn Hax: Her ex is too close for comfort
By Carolyn Hax, Published: September 24 | Updated: Sunday, September 29, 12:01 AM
Hi, Carolyn! I'm a 45-year-old divorced male and I've been dating a divorced woman for three months. We really have trust, love and respect for each other.
Over a year ago, she broke up with a guy she dated for 2 1/2 years. They weren't friends originally after the breakup, but through a shared hobby they became friends again.
The ex-boyfriend never had kids and he bonded with her boys, 12 and 15. He attends their football and baseball games. She keeps him updated on schedule changes. They play word games together on their phones at night. When she needs bags for her dog's poop, she gets extras from him. He comes over to play catch and hang out at her house. I've never felt she was doing something behind my back — she's not that type of person.
Last Sunday I was going to her son's football game for the first time. She said, "You might even meet 'Tom' today." She could tell this really bothered me because I've expressed in the past that this isn't normal. Halfway through the game I noticed she kept looking to her right and realized he was sitting a good distance in that direction. She looked that way several more times.
The next day I did voice that this has bothered me and that I didn't find it normal. I actually like her ex-husband. He is the father to her boys and I feel he is the one I need to respect, not the ex-boyfriend. Her reply was that I was being unreasonable, and they are just friends. She also told me the ex-boyfriend volunteered to be the baseball coach next season. So now the ex-husband, the ex-boyfriend and I will always be together.
Am I being unreasonable with expecting a chance to build our relationship without the ex-boyfriend in the picture? — B.
Carolyn Hax: Her ex is too close for comfort
By Carolyn Hax, Published: September 24 | Updated: Sunday, September 29, 12:01 AM
Hi, Carolyn! I'm a 45-year-old divorced male and I've been dating a divorced woman for three months. We really have trust, love and respect for each other.
Over a year ago, she broke up with a guy she dated for 2 1/2 years. They weren't friends originally after the breakup, but through a shared hobby they became friends again.
The ex-boyfriend never had kids and he bonded with her boys, 12 and 15. He attends their football and baseball games. She keeps him updated on schedule changes. They play word games together on their phones at night. When she needs bags for her dog's poop, she gets extras from him. He comes over to play catch and hang out at her house. I've never felt she was doing something behind my back — she's not that type of person.
Last Sunday I was going to her son's football game for the first time. She said, "You might even meet 'Tom' today." She could tell this really bothered me because I've expressed in the past that this isn't normal. Halfway through the game I noticed she kept looking to her right and realized he was sitting a good distance in that direction. She looked that way several more times.
The next day I did voice that this has bothered me and that I didn't find it normal. I actually like her ex-husband. He is the father to her boys and I feel he is the one I need to respect, not the ex-boyfriend. Her reply was that I was being unreasonable, and they are just friends. She also told me the ex-boyfriend volunteered to be the baseball coach next season. So now the ex-husband, the ex-boyfriend and I will always be together.
Am I being unreasonable with expecting a chance to build our relationship without the ex-boyfriend in the picture? — B.
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