Old love returns while in a bad marriage

I've been married for 8 years, we have two young children. We have a very toxic marriage. We fight a lot and there has been times where DH will hit or push me. I have been feeling depressed and stuck for so long. We have tried counseling several times. Seemed to work temporarily in the past. Now it doesnt. DH doesnt see his faults and doesnt consider himself abusive. He is reluctant to "try" anymore to make things better because he says to me its useless. Yet, he stays in this marriage. He is a very loyal person and he feels he must stay for the kids - I dont think he would ever cheat either even though he admits he is unhappy. I am also extremely unhappy and I worry more about how my kids are dealing with our fighting WAY more than DH worries about it. I think its damaging for them and he thinks it would be more damaging if we split up. I never ever believed in infidelity either. But now someone from my past has come into my life again. Yes, via Facebook of course. We were young and in love at 17 (20 years ago now) but my strict parents forbid me to keep seeing him after they read my diary (we had sex). So he enlisted in the military and we tried to write a few times but my parents threw those letters away too. Eventually we moved on but heartbroken. Now we are talking again. He lives on the west coast and I live on the east coast. He is separated, no kids. We have been talking or texting every day for a month now. DH doesnt have any idea. We are so in sync and are still so crazy about each other. I am very tempted to board a plane and see him. Its been 20 years. I think I could get away with it without DH knowing. This man does come to my state every few months because of his family here but next time for him is Thanksgiving because he is a full time student (and that is a long time to wait). I want to leav e my husband but not sure how to do it. But in the meantime I am secretely having a relationship with this other man and feel bad and not sure If I should risk seeing him. Any thoughts?

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