A couple of weeks ago I went to a landlords seminar. It was mostly about how to vet prospective tenants. What's legal, what's not, what documentation to take up....... A couple of the presenters mentioned at least one client who wanted to trust or felt that they could trust the prospective tenant and then they had problems. Info that did get turned up made them say, "if they had known they would not have......." You know the drill.
IT made me want to apply that thought to personal relationships. On the one hand, I can think of at least 2 relationships in which when I look back now, the guy's behavior was definitely one of checking up on me and trying to catch me out. Like even when I;m not living with the guy, he expects me to account for every minute and when he calls 10 minutes or later than the time I expected to get home, well, you know what happens.
No, I am not that type of person and I don't want to be with that type of person. But I do like the idea of keeping web accounts, phone accounts and so on open and being able to have a look every now and then. And I give as good as I take.
I also like the idea that I was able to stop an inappropriate friendship that could have gotten worse on my clock.
What are people really missing when they say they are sad that they no longer have complete trust in their partner? We are expected to vet and have a good partner picker tool with us right from the beginning. To have the energy to put those skills to work requires a sense of need and therefore a proportional lack of trust in the other person that we wish to deal with. At the same time, someone with whom I am building a life around should want to be open with me so that I have reason to trust him.
IT made me want to apply that thought to personal relationships. On the one hand, I can think of at least 2 relationships in which when I look back now, the guy's behavior was definitely one of checking up on me and trying to catch me out. Like even when I;m not living with the guy, he expects me to account for every minute and when he calls 10 minutes or later than the time I expected to get home, well, you know what happens.
No, I am not that type of person and I don't want to be with that type of person. But I do like the idea of keeping web accounts, phone accounts and so on open and being able to have a look every now and then. And I give as good as I take.
I also like the idea that I was able to stop an inappropriate friendship that could have gotten worse on my clock.
What are people really missing when they say they are sad that they no longer have complete trust in their partner? We are expected to vet and have a good partner picker tool with us right from the beginning. To have the energy to put those skills to work requires a sense of need and therefore a proportional lack of trust in the other person that we wish to deal with. At the same time, someone with whom I am building a life around should want to be open with me so that I have reason to trust him.
Put the internet to work for you.
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