Substance? hair-splitting?

I know sometimes other people think I'm splitting hairs when I think I'm making a substantial differentiation, so I'm interested in other opinions, and don't be afraid to disagree with me. The threads I've been wading into in other forums the past couple of days have really aggravated me. I'm talking about the ones where people have been talking about the difference between Asian and "American" women (whatever an "American woman" is, right?). I think I can put into words what I find irritating, and what is not offensive to me when we start these conversations, which makes me wonder if I'm splitting hairs, or if there is a real difference. I recognize that everybody has preferences. Some people prefer blondes, some people prefer brunettes, some people prefer what other people would call "twiggy" and I've worked with a guy who openly admitted that he preferred heavy women, and his dating habits seemed to confirm that. I've even heard a woman call in to a radio show and say she preferred squatty bald guys :eek: However; she went on to say that her husband was a squatty bald guy, so she may have been just being polite publicly, or she may have genuinely been more comfortable with that. None of these expressions bother me. The threads I read got under my skin BIG TIME. What I read was people talking about characteristics of Asian or American women. It raised my emotions quickly because, to me, it sounded like the neat categorization that I've always HATED (partly because I am not what I look like, but it's gotten more pronounced over the years). I HATE it when someone ascribes attributes to groups, especially when it sounds like something they read on a porn site. I have particular attachment to the ethnicities (plural) that are in my background, and I've developed a particular attachment to the ethnicity of my wife, and when I hear someone who sounds like they are shopping those like they would shop for a slab of bacon, it bothers me. I spend a lot of effort trying to point out that the other person is a PERSON and once they get past the honeymoon stage where they can overlook everything that doesn't fit that pre-conceived idea, that's going to become obvious ... and I use the things I know from experience like family ties and differences in family ties across cultures, or differences in health risks in people in different ethnicities (Unfortunately, certain illnesses are not equal opportunity). When it comes down to what bothers me and what doesn't, I don't have a problem with someone expressing that they prefer one thing to another because we have preferences, in the same way that I prefer Mozart to Beethoven. I can express what I like about my wife, and what I've become comfortable with. That's not saying anybody is bad, and it is not ascribing any attributes to her based on her race. She is very kind when she picks things to tell me she likes about me, and I like to hear it, but she never tells me that "white looking men are ". It's that idea that you can ascribe personality traits based on someone's ethnicity that rubs me so badly the wrong way. I don't see this as the same thing as someone expressing an opinion on what they prefer. In fact, I find myself thinking of several posters as ... well ... It'd be better if I don't post it here ... let's just say I don't wind up with a high opinion of that person, and sometimes I wonder if the attitudes behind those kinds of categorizations may be why many of them are here ... but that's not a fair assumption since I don't even know if that person has problems in relationships, much less if that contributed. So expressing an opinion vs. ascribing attributes: Is that how you'd see what I'm describing? Or do you see me as splitting hairs when I make the distinction. I'd like to hear about it from your position.

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