looking for advice

ey everyone. I'm just looking for your advice/opinions. So 2 weeks ago I found an ex of mine ( the last one really, it's been 6 years i haven't been with any one since). We started talking on Facebook and met a few times, and even though we haven't seen each other for 6 years i felt like i could talk to her about anything, was some connection there i didn't have with anyone for as long as i can remember, i don't know if she felt the same way, but when i was with her i was happy for a few hours, forgot about all the sh** i hate about myself and all my drug abuse, and all the stuff that makes me so weird she just found fascinating. Any way, i don't know if it's the fact that she was the last person i slept with, or that she actually paid attention to me or something else, but i just wanted to be with her all day, so i decided the next time i meet her I'll tell her how i feel, maybe kiss her, but just let it all out there and let her decide what to do with it. Unfortunately it didn't happened, i met her and i just froze, i couldn't tell her any of it, i was just terrified inside, even if on the outside i looked fine. And so i finally left, just hating my self inside, and i thought that it can't just end like this, i have to tell her somehow, so i wrote her a latter on my way home and hoped for the best. I'll post the latter at the end of the post. The next morning i woke up and she just told me "I don't know how to respond to that..." and we haven't talked since then. And now I'm just waiting/thinking about what to do next. Hope you guys can share you thoughts on this. Tnx, Alex. "To Sonia. I'm writing this to you, don't really know why, maybe i felt like i can share this with you, or perhaps i think you could understand, either way i have to let it all out. I really didn't know what to expect when i met you after so long, you were just a faint memory in my head, and after just sat and talked i was amazed how easy it was after all those years, maybe it didn't seem like much for you but i'm so f***ed up that even that's hard sometimes. What i really wanted to say is that you made me forget about all the sh**, even if it's for a couple of hours, forget about all the sh** i have to deal with every morning, all the memories, the drugs, all the stuff i hate about myself. And i'm juat sitting there, looking at you, and all i want to do is just hold you, kiss you, just have some kind of a connection, after so long. And i have to sit there and just convince my self why not to do anything, tell my self it's not worth it when deeo down i know it could lead to something great. All i want in life is to be happy, and the only thing stoping me is my goddamn brain telling me not to do anything, to explain why i'm like this would be like writing a book, so i'll end here. I'm not expecting you to respond to this, that'a up to you, just know that i haven't felt like this for a very long time."

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