Engaged & very little sex

I have spent the last two or three hours reading and skimming around here, and I have to say there is a lot to be learned here. I see people with similar issues as myself, but I still feel the need to post about myself. It feels good to share sometimes, weight off the shoulders etc. Going to try to keep the back story and everything o follow as short as possible. I was introduced to a girl around the end of 2011. Next year we are getting married around the end of summer/autumn. She was from the opposite coast, and it was Long distance at first. We met a lot via expensive travels. For the first few weeks I was just humoring my friends, but I really did fall for her after a while. Obviously haha. I am a 28 year old Male, and had been preoccupied with work, family, and silliness like "finding myself" after college and had not been in a relationship for about 5 years or so up until the time we met. A lot of it was me never meeting anyone i could get into. I wanted a relationship not a fling. She is 30 now, and when we met, was coming out of a 5 year relationship. 2 years into that the guy wanted to leave her and see other people, but she kept their relationship going for another 3 years or so roughly. Eventually they signed a 1 year lease together, and almost immediately it fell apart for them. about 6 months after they moved in together he was seeing other people till he found a new g/f. While he was pursuing his interests in that final few months, she still slept with him a few times, in what she called an open relationship. But to be honest, it stopped being a relationship almost as soon as they moved in together. She was too stubborn to admit that failure. That is my opinion anyway. previous to those few mentioned times, they hadn't had sex since before moving in together. I was told it was without any intimacy, and as said, pretty much just for his sake. To help keep the peace and ease all the tension at the time. I'll be honest, and say this definitely disgusted me when I found out. This was all going on for about three months, then she met me and I found out about it after a few weeks. I asked her to stop, but not for me. I felt it was genuinely damaging to her psychologically. Why have sex with someone without any emotion or basically any involvement outside of being a hole, while this guy is a pig sleeping around town because they said you were not good enough? Someone who has made it known he no longer wishes to be with you at all, has great desire for others, but still takes you anyway? I told her it was very weak behavior, and she needed to free herself of that whole situation. I remember when he found out she was kinda seeing me, and asked her to stop. LOL mighty big balls to make that demand while doing the things he was. She flipped out at him. She was actually relieved with how well I took all that. At this point it was kind of a big blow to me, but I got over it quick enough, never got mad at her or anything. But she stopped doing anything with him right away, and really just kept him away from her. It was about a month and a half later that he moved out and it was all just done with. a big burden removed from her To reiterate quickly the above was all mostly within the first month we knew each other. So yeah thats a lot to lay down right there before getting into more. but after being involved for another 5 months we got our own place together after her lease was up. and another 6 or so after that I proposed, because I love her, and can't imagine being with anyone else. after all that happened we met each other several times. So it was actually a few months before we had sex the first time during our first meeting. This first time we tried, it had been years since I had sex, and a lot of nervousness turned into a little bit of ED. She thought it was all her, became upset, and mad, but we just let it be and all was fine by the end of that week. In fact we kept it going and as I said above we moved in together. dropped big cash to move her across the country. So this leads us right up to the current day. I feel the above is necessary as this relationship didn't start off as most generally do, and some of that information might help with anyone commentary. When she first got here she was a little bit depressed at leaving all her friends and everything she knows behind, but I know she feels no regret in the decision to move. BUT I do. This sadness of her was horrible for our sex life. Everything was fine till she moved out here last summer. The first month in our new place there was no sex. Then one day there was a good 2 week stretch with it happening every 2 or 3 days. Those were good times. but since then it is very sparse. By the end of last year it was very periodic. to sum up I guess maybe once or twice a month if that. And since the start of 2013 it was been maybe 4 or 5 times. Her sadness/depression comes and goes, doesn't always last long. no more than a few days or week. And pretty spread out too, not more than one a month or two. So that is not the only issue. She also said that in some ways, she was not entirely over the last guy. but after a 5 year relationship, then like 9 month hell, I guess thats partly expected. But then we had that 2 week stint I mentioned above and I never heard his name since with very few expections. She works full time, and is generally stressed when she comes from work. it might be a good day, but at the very end of her shift, someone ruins it all by being a jackass. She is sales support, so lots of angry customers. She isn't super happy with how she looks, she put on some weight before I met her from a birth control pill she no longer takes. It turned her from a super thing twig into curvy and sexy if you ask me, and she is very attractive.. but hey, I'm not going to try to understand someones mind and their thoughts on themselves in that regard. To her its being fat I guess, even though it is nowhere close. So generally she doesn't like me making comments about her no matter how nice they might be. Physical contact and basic affection is normal I guess. So Yeah I guess all i have is, work stress, location depression, and body/mind issues. any of the above can and will work against me. She has a few times made it known that she was only having sex with me because she feels bad when it goes like that for weeks or a month without any. And its purely for me. To be honest that makes it feel pretty cheap, but Hey.. I'll take what I can get right now. sure beats nothing. And I guess lastly, a bit of alcohol can get her real touchy feelly, as well as horny. But she is what we call a "2 beer queer" and a little too much will either get her sick, or make her really sleepy. Those nights we drive home from a bar and I know she wants it... but then we get home and she passes out or is throwing up... FML oh yeah, something that doesn't help. when she gets home from work, she typically strips down immediately and either takes a shower, or its just a pajama shirt and panties. thats just evil mind games. It is not intentional, just what she does and has always done. But good god does that suck. It awful having it right there and knowing its not gonna happen. I can't change this either. she is just comfortable that way. So yeah thats it I guess. I'm just looking for advice and direction. I wouldn't call her LD, but I would love to know how to increase drive. I also am wondering for ways to really sit down and talk about all this without it being a bad thign or argument of some kind. We have spoken about it twice before, and it is never a bad conversation, but nothing much is resolved. I just wants more sex, even just once a week would be great. Any help and thoughts are greatly appreciated. I know I wrote a lot, so thank you for reading. I got in as much as I could. I am sure I didn't think of everything. So I will answer any questions I can that will help. Thanks again for reading, and any help & advice.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979